my lips, limbs
this skin
I don't recognize them
I breathe out
& breathe in
my lungs do without it
how did it begin
to then end
before it is poured
I am opening doors
it is yours
this is yours
I'm picking my sores
& my bones off the floor
I cannot bend anymore
all of my laces have torn
& I'll front-face a storm
I haven't a fear of disaster
it is my hope that gets choked
& sharp pains replace laughter
what did I look like before this
& who's is this voice
what comes after you've left
I do not have a choice

I've not been known to nest low
I've stayed fairly high
but I've been let go to shatter
& glass birds do not fly

I've been bent and folded
like an old love letter
being read over and over again

release me from this dreaded message
you read the lead stained sheets like a drunk poet
and when you've finished, you made a square of me

you do this with your hands
hands
fingertips
what is in your skin
wrists
your teeth
I'm a cliff's edge
crashing in your sea

you're the last drag of a cigarette I should have never lit
& i'm the lungs, the tar
with all these ashes in my spit

I've inhaled disease
breathing in the thick of you
I choke like a smoker does
& now nothing else will do

there's a slow burn in her words
I've come familiar with drawls
I watch your voice turn to coffee
I sip from your jaw
I'm not thirsty, just nervous
speaking in black caffeine tongues

"I'll fiend before it starts
& I'll feel clean after it's done"

cause you can't run from the two lungs
catching breath after breath

& you can't squeeze life back from death
if it is dead
then it is dead

a staunch shack-job
a fine devotee to this longing
my appetite

the throb that pulls
pushes through
& out

foolishly do i un doubt
& instead drowned
toe to toe
eyelids bat in front of me
dance
dance
my hands, ready for anything

it's early; 7:17
first things first
I push open the window
the morning soaks my sweater
my skin quickly drenches in its chill
I think of you
the flowers are blooming and resting on the window screen
alongside a large mosquito
I ignore her & she ignores me
I make coffee
inhaling a breeze created for me
it is easy clinging to these things
a lot like leaves do their trees
& much like them
I fall slow
but it's spring now & the birds are sipping and singing
that Raven with her suddenly, loud solo
against a white canvas
painting the only image that exists during these
isolated seconds
& I thought of you
it sounds sweet sometimes
it even tastes as such
but much easier is it, t y p e d  o u t
*t h a n  d o n e

I've mapped this house out for months now;
praying you'll kiss me against every joist holding                (in & exhale)
I'll breathe out
all the lives I have lived without this
my chest will beat the tale of you over and over to my ribs & my legs will never stand again without aching

Spending my time like pennies, *waiting

it is 12:02
I can hear the bell at the mission
it's holy alarm
beats of your syllables today
you, my midday meal
I'll likely starve
but you're feeding me numbers
less & less everyday
thinning 'till I binge on you

I've stopped seeing clearly
this lack of oxygen is absolutely thrilling
I'm just a crow in your intricate pinfold
however beautiful the build, careful
I am locked, without stretch
& somehow you are free to roam

I only ask to rest on your arm but you've been claimed by dogs, honey.
I'm not one to fly around heads either, i'd rather rest in your trees,
but trees don't grow in cages and I use to fly with my eyes closed before this.

as temporary as seconds
& constant like a calender
I've always hated math
I can't count on numbers the way I do letters
but I have smelled you on every numbered page
& I've been counting down these days like hail
waiting patiently on your storm