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jude rigor Sep 2017
air is
not bitter
like me
i have
spirit
somewhere
wilting
sunflowers
full of willing
kissing wind
just for me:
i feel my longing
in each pause
every breath
of sunlight
cold morning
lukewarm coffee
steam,
air not so bitter
like me
i feel like i'm caught in a not totally awful limbo does anyone get what i mean
jude rigor Sep 2017
marina tsvetaeva's "poem of the end"
clear umbrellas
soft and cold rain
mountain smoke
old photographs
books i want to read
dandelions
gas money
voices
dreaming in foreign languages
timelines
hanging ferns
natural light
"to emily dickinson" by hart crane
almond milk
apologies
poem or list? don't really know. when it rains i tend to dissociate more. can't write for **** when i'm like this.
jude rigor Sep 2017
you are sleeping in a world i can't see:
there are
clouds
holding hands
over my head
and i only ever
dream of you or
nothing

study in a city
smog in my teeth
stale mint air...
...but you're always
in this forest
i keep in my chest -
silence and kissing
there's something
strange and soft
and
missing

dumb hopeful
lonely girl in the mirror
it won't stop
raining

it won't stop
wow i miss him and i'm okay but that doesn't mean i can't miss him
jude rigor Aug 2017
you're leaving
again, and i can't
process anything
right now, can't
even write good
poetry right now:

you sleep in a silent world
of therapy and speak clearly
into the phone to let me know
you still love me and you promise
this time to change

i'm scared to trust you
baby i'm not perfect
you can't hold me from
rehab and i don't know
if i should trust you again

i'm already so lonely
please change
my boyfriend is going to rehab again and im glad hes getting help but it hurts inm so lonely and i need him but he doesnt need me
jude rigor Aug 2017
i. prodigal daughter

****** cough
great grandmother's
             hankerchief
   letters, no name,
      not mine
  
                              i ruin a lot
                              you can't see
                         red hands together
                            prayer. maybe.
                                   not me.

ii. menace

burning woman
settle in the wallpaper
your eyes are yellow
again: i cry while
you paint over me -
        this house is as haunted as me.

iii. flight of the wolves

her eyes
    slide into mine
until eventually
                 the moon takes me by
                            the hand
                 we are running
                  against ourselves
                  and bleeding stars
                               fading as nothing
                               but hungry dogs
                               into the night

iv. ancient light

you have never
wanted touch
like this  
                   a mysterious something
                   is in the air
                   someone else's sun
                   swallowed whole

      fire has his hand in my mouth
                   i am screaming.

v. town fair memory

my lover in a dream
finds me by the craft table
it's sun down
             tiptoes around  my adolescence
                  he knows he is not my love.  

i lay on the trembling blacktop
with my friends. the sky is pink
but not as warm as us, we can see
stars from here: we're not waking up
                 from today

                    his name
                        still
                    eludes me
i used some nice prompts for this
jude rigor Aug 2017
i'm laying empty in your eyes
baby please make me smile
into the phone one more time before
i slip up again and you can't catch me

iloveyou
yourtouchmakesmefeelalive
imsorryiamdissociatingrightnow
butinee­dyoudontleaveme
pleaseholdmeuntilifeelbetter

dollar store tape
piece me to what
looks like me

**** me into the
honeymoon matress
we used too early
please i want to
feel

you don't love me anyways

i'm sorry i'm always
so scared
jude rigor Aug 2017
TAKE SOME MORE FROM ME
baby, unwrap pink lace kiss me
don't leave don't ******* touch her

lay in my bed
until i tell you
to move again
try loving your
self

show me where to put my
hands, i've done this before
but not like this: let me sink into
the mattress until there's nothing
left to hold

don't leave don't ******* touch her
reinact our first *** scene with
more eye contact, more touching,
more crying, more apologies

TAKE SOME MORE FROM ME
i dare you

don't touch her
well yeah
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