****
suicide note
written to my
**** blog,
**** if i'm
not free,
i don't have
wet dreams
in the snow
anymore, i'm
a summer girl,
i'm dead and alive,
i sleep with the
cryptic ghosts
of my own
sadness.

laser surgery
private browsers
endless self doubt
regret
hurt
betrayal
facebook memories i don't remember
empty coffee mugs
heartache
pushing too far
a tea collection
goodwill dresses
inherited jewelry
a stranger's home
mismatched socks
silent heartbreak
drugs
no drugs
secret thoughts
of nothing

i let mint fester
in the front of my mouth as
a sleeping
beauty,
while hunger slips in t
                                           -he back of my
throat and i try to forget
            her

goodbyes and lost feelings
mix together. summer makes
fools of us all, but all i wanted
was for you to hold me. take me
by the hand.

i'll love you eternally, i guess.
my teeth grind together
in my sleep. bleeding gums
drag me by the heart to my
therapist's door and stare
until i let myself in.

pomegranate tea
you forget my name as you
introduce your mother
and wait for her to leave::
                                                  :: you make sure to steep the tea
                                                     before placing it delicately between
                                                     my two, small hands. there's no
                                                     innuendo, you can tell i am nervous,
                                                     but i want to change. so you lead me
                                                     to your bedroom and turn on music,
                                                     that i still can't hear.

the *** was okay,
i was happy that you were patient.

by the time we finished,
i had the taste of tea
still in my mouth,
nothing had
changed,
and i pondered
my lack of love
as i drove away.