Finding my Heaven
a letter to my Grandpa

I remember you when mom died grandpa.
I was so small alone and frightened.
You took me to your home.
I remember your unshaven face and
brown hard working hands, Grandpa.
You fixed everything with your hands.
But you fixed me with your love.

You gave me mom's old room.
You told me it was her safe place
and she would visit me there.
When she was settled in heaven.

I told you I did not
believe in heaven, Grandpa.
You said it's alright, I will one day.
Heaven was a different
place for everyone.

When I got hurt
you always picked me up
in your huge arms Grandpa.
it was always so safe.

I never told you Grandpa
I lied when I said
I don't believe in heaven.
You and grandma,
were my heaven.

I know you have both gone
now to your heaven.
Sat in a kitchen somewhere up there
eating food from the old country.

Grandma at the stove
Mom on your knee listening
to stories of Europe
before the war.

I know I lied when I said
I don't believe in Heaven
Grandpa.
My heaven was
with you all, grandpa.
I think I will
change my heaven
to yours after all.
That's all I want Grandpa
just our heaven.

I only wish
there was a post office
in our heaven
and I could send
this letter to you.

All My Love ,
Grandpa
Jude

There was five of us.
we were seventeen or eighteen.
More than friends.
we were closer than wives
soldiers get that way.

we swapped letters to our
girls and mothers
back in the States.
In case...
......well just in case.

We went to sleep saying
I love you, man.
i love you, man, back at you.
There was about five of us.
We were more than friends
we were seventeen or eighteen.

The bullets rained hard
in the clearing that night.
guys fell all around me.
The tracer lights still visit
me in the dark.
even after all this time.
there was now only one of us
I was seventeen or eighteen.

Back in the states
In Columbus,
I passed a letter to his mother.
I lied and said
the blood on it was mine.
She wept as she read it.
And asked did he suffer.
I said
I don't remember Ma'am.
We were more than friends?
we were about seventeen or eighteen,
there was five of us.

In west Virginia
a beautiful young woman
opened the trailer door
she held a small baby boy.

I passed her the letter.
she wept as she read it.
I held his little son to my chest.
And whispered hi buddy
Your not dead after all.

Did he go quickly she said?
I whispered
i don't remember Miss
We were more than friends.
there was five of us
we were about seventeen or eighteen.

Write for me softly in velvet blue
Write me in purple's of every hue.
Fill me with sorrow, fill me with sighs
Sing me a song to bring tears to my eyes

Write me in heaven in mandolin showers
Write me on earth in ivory towers
Take my broken spirit and wish it goodbye
Show me the trees where the nightingales die

Write me one more poem
about loves single glance
Write me a song for
Just one more last dance

I am so lonely and alone this night.
I hold a conversation
with my old friend the moon.
I whisper to him.
I feet so incomplete
how can all these years pass by
and leave me such a partial being.

My supportive wise old friend answered me
I am seldom complete
sometimes waxing sometimes waning.
Sometimes hardly a flicker of a smile
Sometimes a ghost of a sad mouth.
Remember my human friend
You don't have to be
complete or full to shine.

He always makes sense
I guess he is wiser than humans
after all how many
millions of years old is he.?

Then he gave me
the answer I needed
he mused softly.
His voice so magical.
So deep and philosophical
I love him in this mood.

But when you are
feeling full, or whole.
That is the best time to shine.
To light up the world in the power
of your reflected completeness.

That is when you
will have the power inside you.
The power to effect
every person on earth.
And call the oceans to you.

There's a gap between the curtains
it's where the night gets in.
memories fall like icy snowflakes
and prickle on my skin.

I hear the voices calling
in the early light of day
a choir of sorrow and regret
that never goes away

There's a gap between the curtains
it lets in all the dark
awakens the soulful voices
where all old loves are parked.

I cry to see tomorrow.
But the past will never part
and the future holds its secrets
In the darkest of the  dark.

I was not always as lost and broken
As you see me now
No, not always.
When I was born into the world.
I was covered in tiny twinkling lights,
They were everywhere on me, so lovely.
You could hardly see
the spaces between them.
Lights on me everywhere.

That was before I found out how to be deceitful.
That the truth had many shades and hues.
from purest white
to darkest black
with so very many greys.

Sometimes a small light would fade as I lied.
Mom there won’t be alcohol there..
Other times a row of them went dark.
Mom I did not sleep with him. I promise.
Then some lies made them all glow dimmer.
It’s alright Dad don't worry
I don’t do any drugs.

Now much older
I walk alone in the city streets.
On a rainy dark night
the store windows
look like a hall of  mirrors.

I can see my reflection ghostlike
all my pretty lights
Have faded away.
I look tired,lost and jaded.

But if you look very closely
between the falling raindrops,
like tears streaming down the windows.
You may see just a few of my lights left.
Only  a glimmer of them
hardly visible at all.

So stubborn
they wont be the last ones
to go out.
They are around my heart

As the morning sunlight sparkles
on the pure waters of a pristine lake.
Adorning it's beauty with
nature's diamonds.

As the soft white clouds of
a summer day
release their raindrops
Quenching the thirst
Of a parched dry
weeping earth.

As the flowers
open their delicate
petals to a warming sun.
revealing their deepest
intimate secrets.

As the distant moon
pulls the greatest oceans
close to its embrace
in never-ending loyalty
and rhythm
with its natural
unseen power.

As the gentle falling snow
cascades upon a
a tired and jaded grey winter
world.
repairing it's broken
scars with a
virginal down blanket
restoring all of it's beauty.

Is how
I give myself to you
my love.

He had made the journey
across the Swiss mountains.
The war was now far behind him
now just Catherine lay ahead.
As he reached the hospital ward
the old nurse shook her head.
What of the baby?
he asked quietly,
her sad eyes looked
down at the floor.

Catherine lay pale and weak
on the hospital bed.
Somehow she managed
a smile at his arrival.
Oh darling,
I am going to die.
Don’t let me die.
Hold me in your arms!
Hold me tight.
Don’t let me go.

When you hold me
we cannot be parted
If you stay with me
I shall not be afraid.

As she left him
the bells tolled.
Declaring the armistice.
The war had ended
for some.

He carried her
lifeless body in his arms
to the window.
The crowds below
had released hundreds
of white doves into the air.
to celebrate the end
of the great war.

They fluttered their wings
high above.
As if to carry her
soul to heaven,

He kissed her still lips
For one last goodbye.
And whispered peace,peace
at last my darling

There's a lonesome planet that I know
Where the earth is a spinning mystic land
As I must watch you far below.

Here a callow moon spills a silvered glow
And I hold moonbeams in my hand
There's a lonesome planet that I know

Where wishes melt like springtime snow
When I can't hold onto the falling sand
As I must watch you far below

The blues of twilight ebb and flow
As starlight twinkles on earthly land
There's a lonesome planet that I know

Where the winds of love refuse to blow
And I am destined to forever stand
As I must watch you far below

Once again I see your shadow fade and go
And the pain of longing more than I can stand
There's a lonesome planet that I know
Where I must watch you far below

In the night the songbird sings
Of love and passion
and wedding rings.
The shadows playing
on the walls
Sing their songs
of ending calls

Come to me
in sunlit dreams
where all is right
and what it seems
For hearts that are broken
in heated fire
come back alive
in nighttime desire

In the darkest hours of the night
I sit at the piano.
sleep is now for another time.
Inside of me
I am lonely in way
that no closeness can mend.

I play chopin's nocturne.
Just like I used to play it for you.
before I lost you.
Touching the keys as softly
as you once touched my skin.

Through the open window
My nocturne joins the noises
of the woodlands.
The milk toast pools of moonlight
gather in our pathway.

The melody is sweet now
And pouring melancholy
Into my veins.

All I can feel is you.
I know that in that illuminated
World that knows no pain or sadness
You have your hand pressed against
a window,
And my music is playing in your heart

My mother used to bake cookies with me when I was young
Intricate designs of colored icing that varied with the seasons.
They were always perfect and looked far to good to suffer the crime of eating.

For half a century I always baked cookies for the holidays
Whilst my children grew tall and independent with no apparent
Interest in baking

As the pale blue winter light falls into my kitchens I see myself
Cutting shapes and painting colors a silhouette on the shadows of the wall.

Placing the last cookie into a Christmas scene can I
Arive at the hospital and sit next to her in the ICU
I see her frailness the alarm in her eyes as she recognises me
But is yet unable to enunciate her thoughts.

Silence as loud as thunder fills the room the seams of the walls are stretched to their limits.
The outer limits beep of the monitor acknowleging her heartbeats
Counting down each one until the last.

I miss our intimacy in that long ago kitchen
And  the random thought enters my mind
I am her only child and she is my only mother.

The monitor rings an alarm a code blue
Signalling the end of her like the end of a football match.
I feel the loss of her like a razor blade cutting my flesh.

And as I leave her for the last time
There seems to be a a mortality in the measured unknown days ahead and the cans of cookies yet to be baked.

The book of love is singing
all of loves sweet songs.
It's pages turn so sweetly
Its stories old and long

I watch you by the firelight
reading our book again.
Illuminating love in the dark night
reading to me loves bright flame.

I love it when you read to me
of our love of long ago.
With words  as deep and soft
as the gentle falling snow.

The music in the book
sings songs of loves refrain.
I need your sweet voice singing
oh! sing to me again.

Never lose our book of love.
Our stories will never grow old
I love it when you read to me.
More than riches, wealth and gold.

It was  dark when she got home
from her work.
He was waiting under the
old converted gas street lamp.
Its gentle light framing a  
halo about his beautiful face.

Hi he whispered like
nothing had ever happened.
Hi, she said softly back to him.
Tossing her hair back and  
showing him her prettiest smile.

I missed you, he whispered.
I wasn’t enough for you before
you left me, remember
She said,
wanting to hurt him
even if only a tiny fraction  
Of the way that he had hurt her.

He gave her that smile
The one that had made
her undress for him
a thousand times.
Can I come up he asked?

His crystal gray eyes
sparkled in the soft light.
She led the way
up to her small walk up flat.
He followed her.
And once more he took her
to her bed.

In the night
when the peaceful reunion
dream had ended.
She awoke  

And heard the door
click quietly closed.
She knew he was gone
and that he would be back
again someday.
He would tear open
her wounded heart.
And she knew
that she would let him in.

They said I was made for quieter scenes
That you would cause explosions
all around me.

That your bag is packed with dynamite
And one day I would light a match
And be blown away to infinity.

So what,
if that fire is my destiny
Then bring it on
let it come
my house and burn its light.

For living without you
Would be visiting beautiful
Dangerous places
only in a travel brochure.

Now I will follow you anywhere
into the fires of the earth
and be knocked down
By it fury and beauty.

And if you ever tire of me
And leave me back in
the abyss of conventional life.
I shall still be content
and have not one regret.

For I would have explored
all the beauty
of this dangerous planet.
And it was you
who took me there,

Starlight Blues

Starlight creeps quietly
into my room
It's soft footsteps
are familiar
To me.

They are like yours
And the glaring moon
smiles at my
sad confusion.

Before the night Is broken
And the sky turns to a time
Where light has extinguished
the mocking heavens.

And your ghost
Fades into the daylight.

Morning Has Broken
By
Jude Kyrie

Stumbling half asleep
I pour my morning coffee.
The boost jolts me awake as always.
Our house is getting worn out.
The scratches on the wooden floor.
The cracked window pane
from the kids.
The paint with crayon drawings
from a baby.

Even my coffee cup that I  have  
used a thousand times
Has a chip in the rim.
Like all of us do now
after all this time
We have familiar chips inside us.

Flaws that we do nothing about.
Wearing our imperfections like
A comfortable old Sunday sweater.
Letting them all survive even if damaged
and imperfect.

Looking outside into the new morning
The rain is falling from dreary clouds.
It is settling in for a gloomy day.
And I find the chair with the ricketty leg  
That wobbles when I move.

Then I take a long deep breath  
It is  the only me time  
I will get this day.
In its tranquility
I find the warmest thought of the day.
It dances like mirror ball lights
Inside my chipped heart.
It smooths all the wrinkles and
chips inside our life.

And funnily enough  
All I can think about is you.

There is a change to the
rhythm of the light  
Is it something about the leaves?
Changing from green to golden red
Or a pencil line of black
edging the flowers petals.

The untimely change of an end
In the summer weather
chilling winds
Frosted air bringing lace curtain  
Crystals to the kitchen windows.
You had been as cold
As this  to me of late.  

I have craved your warmth
to the point
of leaving you like the summer
was leaving us now....
But I walked into the kitchen  
And you smiled at me at last.

Lifting me up your arms  
Light as the laced frost.
Holding onto me as tight as the
tangled clematis in our garden.
And the prosody of emotions
Colored my heart
like a kaleidoscope.

At last I thought
Poetry that I can understand.

They say an artist pours all his love
onto the canvas.
And in his eyes
the painting is never completed.
it is always
a work in progress.

waiting to be flawless.
Awaiting the perfect finishing touch
A simple brush stroke here
A touch of cobolt blue there.
Never satisfied that his
creation is complete.

And for me I follow my ritual
When you go to leave for work
In the morning.
I touch back a lock
of your tousled hair.
And fold it from your forehead
back in place.
Like a mothers touch to her son.

More as a deepest sentiment of love
Letting you know
that you belong to me.
And that my small ritual of revision
Is the deepest form of affection.

Something less than love
by
Jude Kyrie

I was only five when she left us
just a little boy.
That long ago summer
when the heat
burned upon the earth
and also our passions.

she left us with the handsome
man with the big car.
since then even after all
these passing years
I have looked
and searched for a place
to lose my sadness.

sometimes in the stillness of sleep.
I would hear the songs she
sang as I fell asleep in her comfort.
or feel her lips softly on my cheek.

I dreamt of her often
hearing
her almost forgotten footsteps
coming into my room.
I painted her beautiful face
in my mind
until time faded it to a blur.

Now a man no longer
a little boy
with torn jeans and.
***** tee shirt.

people say to me
dumb things like.
She is still out there
and thinks of you everyday.
With a mother's love in her heart.

I nod in concert with their thoughts.
I whisper sure or maybe.

But
I know inside of her heart.
it's something less than love.
yes for sure.
Something much less than love

She was ethereal in her beauty.
I always loved her of course.
But only from a respectful distance.
She collected glass animal's.

I always gave her one for birthdays.
She would kiss my cheek in thanks.
Not the kiss I craved but still a kiss.

Her perfect French braids
framing her lovely face.
I fantasized unfastening them
Slowly so her hair flowed
Like the soft spring rain
washing over my bare skin.

She would show me the
Intricate color mix
in her glass menagerie.
But I only saw the colors
of her hair her eyes her lips.

When the sickness came
Her skin became
taught and translucent like glass.
The weight loss
showing her frame
She looked more and more
like one of her
beloved glass collection.

Then when we lost her
She left her collection to me.
But the one I wanted
Was on a high shelf
Beyond the clouds
Far beyond my reach.

Full and bright the candled moon
Shines its glowing silvered bloom.
Widened eyes in wonder see
Silvered fruit upon silvered tree

All though the town the rooftops catch
Her silvered light upon their thatch.
Their gentle coos their rhythm keeps
of nightingales in silvered sleep

Squirrels sleep in silvered trees
with silvered fur in silvered leaves.
Silent and still in silvered dream
Sleeping fish in a silvered stream.

She stood facing
the fading sunlight.
High on a hill
beautiful and serene.
The backlight a halo
Around her golden hair.

She told me
she was a fallen angel.
And her wings
had been taken away.

She said she would
teach me how to fly one day.
It was a sad
yet beautiful untruth.

She held out her arms
and enfolded me in them.
The beautiful fallen angel
with the sunlit hair
and eyes as blue
as a summer sky.

The only one
In this wide world.
who can make
my lonely heart sing.

Sometimes even
in the quietest moments.
I can hear your voice
comforting kind and gentle.

It stirs up memories
of your unconditional love.
Then goes even deeper
to a need that lives
in me forever.

A need to see you again,
even after all
these passing years.
I know every inflection and
nuance of your sweet voice.

Angels bring me her message.
Angels bring me her love

For now, I understand
there is no silence,
no ending.
Only a continuum
of what was once us.

I close my eyes
And I can see you again.
through the mist
of Our two worlds apart.

Your face so
beautiful to me.
Your kiss
so comforting.

In silent voices
from the quiet
place in my heart
that nobody
but you can fill.

I whisper
I love you Mom

Even before I existed
I was part of the ancient seas.
That primordial mix of all life.
Salty and teaming
with the origins of all things.

Now countless eons have passed.
I walk outside of its briny boundaries.
My feet still pulled by it's presence
Pulling me to its farthest depths.

As I step into the edges
of its wet sand.
I hear her whisper
in salted sea winds.

Come back to me,
Come back my child
to your mother.
You are mine
and I am yours.

I belong to the sea
She is my blood.
The wavelets
are my heartbeat.
The seagrass my veins.

Nothing ever ends.
come back to us.
the gulls cry from above.
Only new beginnings exist
Only new life.

You belong to me
She pulses
from her mighty depths.
I am your eternal mother.

Breathe your air
Sing in the sunlight of earth.
But return to me.
Remember my son
You belong to the sea

Sometimes you stare at me.
I am naked and empty to you
No more than
a sheet of white paper.

your eyes cut me
like razor blades.
Your white teeth
chew my shapes.
you have all the power.
I am being folded
into the object
you desire.

A deer
a bird
an aeroplane
your deft fingers fold
and create my shape.

can you not see.
my flesh is soft and pliable.
my heart beating with passions
my mind clear and decisive.
That your folds and creases
Leave me in agony?

I crave only your love
your tenderness
your needs and desires.
Only for you.

Yet you fold me once again.
In your hands
I am origami.

I see that far away look in your eyes
Are you leaving me once more?
like Whispered conversations
falling down a spiral staircase.
Like secrets as they hide in silence.
I can hear them in the night
Yet I don’t.

The same way that voices are lost
In the ****** of *******.
The same way the rose fades
without water.
The same way stars melt
when daybreak calls.

I listen intently for your footfall.
Walking away, only echoes remain.
And inside my chest the sounds
that a heart makes when breaking.

And I contemplate
the dangers in your beautiful eyes.
And the gravity of the stars.

over you at last
By
Jude Kyrie

I have stopped writing love poems for you.
And please do not think this is a love poem.
Because today
I am finally over you at long last.

I do not care to relive past moments of us anymore,
expressed in beautiful poetry.

Like when I saw you for the first time.
And the songs of angels rang in my heart.
And I knew---I knew-----I Knew.

I will never write another love poem
for you ever again.

Like when we sheltered
from the soft spring rain
Below an old maple tree
in muted misty springtime olive greens.
And I noticed the color of its leaves
were the exact color of your eyes.

I am finished with writing  
love poems for you
it's good to be over you at last.
And I will never mention again

How I still stop
and catch my breath
when I hear a laugh
exactly like yours.
Or perhaps when
I see a woman from behind
And her hair is burnished gold
just like yours.

I am now quite over you.
In fact, I hardly ever think
of you anymore.

*Except perhaps in springtime.
But then again.
I should never think of springtime.
For that would surely
break my heart in two

Dance me through all I will remember
with glitter ball lights in your eyes
Dance me from January to December
in the bloom of a million soft sighs

Dance me through children and laughter
in a home where true love never dies
Dance me before and then after
As I gaze in the pools of your eyes

Dance me every day of our lifetime
Dance me through all heartaches and pain
When I am old and my eyes lose
their bright shine.
Then dance me and dance me again.

I feel like I am walking in a shower of love
The tapping of the rain upon my umbrella
Is playing my heartbeat
The light of the moon is my beacon
lighting all my senses
Pulling me close to you
she said

We walked along the tree lined pathways
together in the park
arm in arm
In the shining wetness of the night rain.
Where our love glows in the darkness.

Its rhythm is playing on the strings of my heart
Making me feel love songs all for you.
I am so in love with you
So in love
she sighed

We walked slowly in the rain
I turned to look at her
so breathtakingly beautiful
and  radiant
in the light of the moon.
So much what I longed for.
So much what I needed.

I feel your fingers inside my heart
Tapping your heartbeat onto mine.
Allowing me to breath, to feel, to live.
Keeping my heart safe and loved
she said.

And there in the park
in a long ago springtime
In the night rain.
I walked into her heart
through the door
She left open only for me.
and I found my home
where I would never leave

Mrs Chowdury
1951
Manchester in
The North West Of England

The city was broken after the war.
England had won it was said
But it didn't feel like we won anything.
I remember the
old smoke stained bricks
of the inner city school.
I remember it in sepia
It had no bright colors back then.
Nothing did.

That is, until Mrs Chowdury came to teach us.
She was as beautiful as her silks
That flowed from her like clouds.
So many colors,reds
and magentas and pink and blues

I looked at her and
I wanted to be with her
She was the brightest thing
I had ever seen
since the war had ended.

She said she was from India.
And her dress was a sari.
She took my heart with the
gentle softness of her voice.
Her windchime bracelets
on her lovely honeyed skin tinkled.
But it was her tranquility
that floored me.

She would ask
what have you learned today children?
share it with us.
We spoke in a cacophony.
Hush now children she whispered.
listen and learn from each other.
You will all get a turn.

Then when we were troubled
she would drop an important meeting
with adult teachers.
I have an urgent need to speak
with one of my students
She would say.

I remember once
i said to her, Mrs. Chowdhury.
Why should we work so hard?
there are no jobs anymore.

She said softly but firmly
I know you all each
and every one of you.
Her sari swished even louder
I knew I had said the wrong thing.

There is a teacher,
a doctor,
a nurse,
a poet,
a craftsman,
a soccer player,
just in this class,
i can see it,
I Know this.

Then she opened
the old classroom window.
and the cool spring air
filtered into the chalky room.
The lilac perfumes drifted into the room.
From the ancient lilac tree outside.
What is that fragrance class?
It is Lilacs,
Mrs. Chowdhury,
we sang in unison.

Yes, it is lilacs children.
Last year they all died
with the winter storms.
But now they are back
as sweet as ever.

The jobs died with the war.
But they will be back.
You must all learn as much
as you can to take them.
children.
She never lost a single chance
to teach us something.

I get back to the UK
every now and then.
I am a doctor.
perhaps the one she saw
in her class so long ago.

I call in to see her
in her tiny retirement flat
in Manchester.

She pours me a cup of green tea.
Into a delicate china cup.
It is grown in the foothills
of the Himalayas
she whispers
it is picked young.
so fresh so nourishing.
Never losing her chance
to teach me something new.

Now tell me
what new things
have you learned in America.?
The ingrained love of learning
Still shining brightly
in her beautiful eyes.

I remember when you were so tiny
You were fascinated by the moon
We hung a sky of golden stars
On the ceiling of your room.

You tied strings from star to star
Making star patterns yet unknown.
Became a bedtime spaceman.
That in your stars you roamed.

I think of the very first time
You went outside in dark of night
To look at the spangled heavens
And Bathe in their magic light.

Your wide eyes saw earth’s ceiling
With a billion stars so bright.
It send your tiny heart reeling
On that clear and wondrous night.

The stars told you they loved you
Every planet star and all
But you were frightened of them
They made you feel so small.

You could not change the constellations
In the space beyond the sky.
And the feeling of being so tiny
Almost made you cry.

But listen, little traveler.
There’s something you must know
The minute that you were born on earth.
A new star began to glow

Time goes by so slowly without you.
Our house is silent yet  full of echoes.
My existence now a sock
with a large hole.
It will take me a long time
to **** this one.

In your den I have moved
most of your things into boxes.
Except for your beloved pipe
it still carries its aromatic odors.

Today I gave your clothes to goodwill.
Except. I have kept your favorite old sweater.
In the dark it sleeps by my head.
Bringing to me
your familiar scent once more.
Reaching for you like I always did.

I call our phone again and again.
To hear the timbre of your voice.
Breathing in every nuance of each syllable.
Disturbing your new ghostly life.

It has more meaning than odors.
Or letters with faded photographs.
For a returning fleeting moment
you and I are together once again.

You ask me to leave a message.
I whisper I miss you honey

Deep In the night
Is when the colors fall.
From a velvet sky
comes midnight blue.

Within  the shadows
Whispers call to me.
I know the voice is you.

In the silence
Sweet music plays.
Memories sway
To a romantic tune
That comes from
Once happier days.

In the breaking light
The colors fall.
From a morning sky
comes paler blue

But In my heart
the colors fall.
Each time
I think of you.

There are
many colors there
of every shade and hue.
But the only one that
I can see is deep
And sad and Blue.

The old cafe has not changed.
Only you have.
Even I am just the same.
I know I always will be.

You tell me you are getting married.
Instantly I stop hearing your words.
Instead watching only the movement
of your crimson lips.

The ones I had longed
to press to mine forever.
The silence settles in my ears.
Yet a crescendo of thoughts
explode Inside my head.
Why did I never ask you
for that kiss?
The one that would have
stolen your heart for always.

The waitress passes by
serving steaming coffee
to faceless people.

Your eyes light like stars
as you tell me
where you will live.
How you met.
How much you love him.

You talk of other things
as friends do.
I bury my grief
in my silent broken heart.

The last touch of your fingers
Are more than a farewell.
But the last goodbye.

He had that dream again
He awoke with a start.
perspiration
Pouring down his face.
The car the children his wife.
The truck sliding on ice on the icy freeway.
Explosions the dump truck.
Then the silence
as they all drifted away.
And he was left alone.

He moved out of the small inner city cottage
Is was two years ago he just left it the way it was.
The kids toys strewn on the floor
Bread and cookies on the table.
He would never return there, never.
Not even to get his beloved alto sax.
His key to making a living.

He now followed the cop
that pulled him from the wreck.
He did not know why
she was pretty
But that was not it.

He was once told that if you save
Someone's life they belong to you.
Well she could have his
He did not want it anymore.

She entered the bank
He saw the robbery before she did.
The robber lifted his weapon before
She had time to move but he jumped
in front of her
and took a bullet for her.

It was in my arm straight in and out.
She put three in the perp
before he could fire another shot.
I fell down she held me in her arms.
As I was bleeding out.
Why did you do that she said
I would have been killed.
That's why I whispered.

She visited me in hospital
Brought me grapes
I hate ******* grapes.
She had no idea who I was
When the car wreck happened
I was covered in blood and EMS
Ran me to the hospital.
Names don't stay with people
Only faces.

When I got out
She appeared at my rented room door
With a coffee and doughnuts
I don't talk much since..well just since.
Who the **** are you she asked
A God ****** Angel.
I said, I don't think God dams angels.
She seemed to like me.
**** knows why I wasn't nice to her.

She started looking for me on her shift.
Grabbing coffee and suggesting dates.
I told her no offence don't arrest me
But I don't date anymore.
But she was a new York cop
and a woman,
******* relentless.

She said she would make life hell for me
If I didn't take her for a date.
******* women.
I gave in and said I would join her
At the blues club nearby.
We got there at 10 pm after her shift
She looked ******* hot.
The blues were playing
I heard the alto sax wailing
It cried like my soul was feeling.

She saw tears in my eyes
And held me to her soft breast.
Tell me what it is
Is it me she asked?
I was just silent.

The owner of the club saw me.
He said, Tony where the ******* been.
It's been two years since you came her
We miss your sax wailing boy.
He said where's your sax?
Don't you have it anymore?
I shook my head it was a lie
But I had my reasons.

He grabbed the alto sax
from the band playing.
Make it weep Tony.
My heart needs to hear you play man.

He moved quietly to the stage.
And the room went silent
Just as if the Angel Gabriel
was going to wail his horn.

They remembered me
and they stood up
and clapped for five minutes.
Blues people don't change.
They just get ******* older.
I said nothing
But played nature boy

Peggy got up and took the mike
She wept the words as I played
Tears falling down her
sad black face

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered
very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

My cop was crying too
She said I don't cry ever see.
I am a cop
I see ****.
Who the **** are you she said?
But I let the sax wail for my words..
It poured my sadness into the night.

She got my full name from Peggy.
She says that boy needs a woman.
But then a woman is Peggy's
answer to all mens problems.

She run the info though the computers
at the precinct those ******* things
Know every leak you ever take.
She saw the car wreck the body bags
Me covered in blood.

She found my mother in law's place.
And went there.
She said he's heart sick
He wont go home
Won't let anyone in.
He blames himself.
He's never cried once
It's eating him inside.

She said I can't find him
Hes over at the cemetery.
She missed her shift change over
And went to the Park Lawn

He was kneeling by a family
grave talking to his kids.
She went to him and slipped
Her arm around him
He turned his head
Into her breast and wept and wept.
He sobbed like his sax wailed.
She kissed his hair
Let it out honey
Let it go.

She drove them to his house
The mess on the floor.
The stale food stank.
It was in a mess
The kids toys spread everywhere
His sax on the hall table.
She was silent and
gotdown on her knees
And Started cleaning.

She said
I saved your life right?
He sad yes you did.
And you saved mine right?
He said yes I did.
She said
Unless we both say were even
You know what it means?

He nodded
Yeah
We belong to each other now.
You got it magraw she quipped.

Two years later
Tony came back from his gig
At the blues club
He had a recording contract in his pocket.
The money would come in handy
What with their second child
coming in a few months.
Kids were pricey little buggers

Lost in Time

Time is a confusion to me these days.
is it today or twenty years ago?
My mind is now a time travelling machine.
Where will I be when I wake?
a thrush warbles its tune
through the open bedroom window,

I turn to Mary and say
It’s going to be a wonderful day, my love.
Then as I touch her long  hair
her undisturbed pillow reaches my fingers.
Then it is now again
I know she is no longer here
I lost her so long ago.

How strange the instant of our loss
never loses its pain?
I read the notes my daughter left for me.
The six cartons of milk in the refrigerator
A testament to my time travels.

As I eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast.
Mary joins me for a chat once more.
We talk about our retirement plans,
the travel, the exploring
the joys of freedom.
Old age will be our time,
she smiles,

I am as fascinated
with her sparkling eyes
as I was the first time
I saw her so long ago.
I have an overwhelming need
to tell her I love you,
but she has gone
lost in the mystery of times ether.

My daughter arrives to fix my lunch.
she asks
Why don't you move to the new
Assisted living place .
"don’t you get lonely here Dad?"

I answer quietly
No kitten,
Not lonely.
never lonely.

When You said to me
You wanted to be happy
I always made you laugh.

When you said to me
You felt so sad
I always gave my shoulder
for you to cry on.

When you said to me.
I am so cold
I covered you inside my coat
And hugged you
Sharing my warmth.

When you said to me
I need to feel close to you
I always rested your head
upon my chest, so you could
feel my heartbeat.

When I said to you
I needed to feel you close
You kissed my lips.

When I said to you
I needed beautiful dreams
You gently closed my eyes.

When I said to you
I need to make love.
You took me
to your bed.

When I said to you
I want to marry you
You slipped my ring
upon your finger.

When we both said
we wanted
a lifetime together
filled with love a home
and children.
We both gave it to
each other

As the sunlight glistens
on the purest waters
of a pristine lake.
Adorning it's beauty with
nature's diamonds.

As the soft white clouds of
a summer day.
release their raindrops
to a parched dry
weeping earth.

As the flowers
open their sweetest
petals to a warming sun
revealing their deepest
intimate secrets.

As the distant moon
pulls the greatest oceans
close to its embrace
in never-ending loyalty
and rhythm
with its natural
unseen power.

As the gentle falling snow
cascades upon a
a tired and jaded grey winter
world. repairing it's broken
scars with a
virginal down blanket
restoring it's beauty.

Is how
I give myself to you.

Let there be orchards
In ripe summer days

Let there be Christmas
And first of Mays

Let there be children singing
In heavenly choirs.

Let there be snowfall
With warm cozy fires

Let there be hopscotch
And childish games

Let there be holidays
With different names

Let there be family
With comforting beds

Let there be mother's
To kiss children's heads

Let there be peaceful
long summer nights

Let there be moonlight
So clear and so bright

Let there be dark skies
With a billion bright stars

Let there be love
As each new day starts

She was very sick that I knew
Being 12 caught between boyhood and manhood
did not make me blind.

They cut my hair off tonight honey.
It's ok mom you are still
the most beautiful lady  in the world.

You are such a charmer honey
The girls are going to love you.
I only want you to love me mom
Only you.

Everyone noticed I could not sleep anymore
Want to talk about anything?
the school nurse said.
No ma'am I said.

Then the nightmares
The tree huge and everlasting tree
outside my bedroom window.
It walked when I fell asleep.
It's fingers like twigs
pulled me from my bed
It lifted me to its roaring mouth.
Fires glowed within its fearsome eyes.

I am not afraid I said.
But I just don't know
how much I was afraid.
You are going to tell me
your deepest fears it roared.

But still I kept silent
not showing him anything.
No fear.nothing.

Mom I need to sleep with you
I take her the meds.
Just for five minutes honey.
I feel so sick sweetie.

Your Ok mom
You will get better.
Your hair will.
Grow back again.

Call your dad He's in L.A
I know with the sister I never met.
And the lady I dont want to know.
Shhhssssss it's OK.

Then he came again
made of roots and leaves and twigs.
He picked me up like a Bird in the next.

Tell me your truth. he roared
I have none I wailed.
But I did.....I did..I did .....I did

Grandma called by
she was as cold as ice.
Some things never change.
You need to come to my place she said
No grandma,I need to be here with mom.
She in the hospice
you are coming with me.
We Got there it was full of China figurines
I am going to the hospital
don't touch anything she said sternly.

But the tree monster came again
I was so angry smashed all of grandma's stuff.
Wheb she arrived back home the place is wrecked
She does not give me the licking I deserved.
Instead I heard her weeping on her bed.

The monster came again that night
It's time for your pain
tell me it said.
I don't have pain, I lied
Tell me or you will be crushed
by my limbs it threatened.

I....I.....I want to tell her to let go
But that's my fear
It would be my fault you see.
What do I do?
You tell the truth the monster said
Only the truth.

I got back to grandma's place.
I looked at her
She kind of looked like mom.....But older
I just got a call from the hospice she said
We have to hurry
We got to go there?
At the railroad tracks
we were stopped.
By a long freight train

Grandma said
We are very different people, you and me.
I said,
I know grandma
But we are going to have to get along
I said
I know grandma.
She said of course you do.

We got to the hospital
The nurse was solunm
Go right in, its OK.

She was dying I knew it.
Mom held my hand
I felt the monster behind me.
It whispered in my ear
I am here with you.
What do I do?
I said.
Tell the truth of all the ages
since time began.
The one that comes
from the inside of your heart.

I squoze Moms hand tight
I said
It's OK mom.
It's OK to go.
I will be ok.
I promise.
A giant heavy weight fell from my heart
I was truthful finaly.

I remember the last movement
of my mother hand
It faded away softly
Unlike my memories of her love.

But when we got back to grandma's place.
I cried and grandma held me to her breast.
I said I am so sorry grandma
For breaking your stuff.

She pulled me closer
I know honey.
It doesn't matter.
Yo are all that matters now.
I love you honey.
I said softly
I love you too grandma.

Sweet Annette
by Jude Kyrie

The linger of the smoke rings
from a thousand cigarettes.
Fill my mind with memories
that my heart just can't forget.

I know that life’s a journey.
It's the only one we get.
But when I dance among
old memories
it's always you Annette.

I fell in love the instant
of the first time that we met.
We were both married to another
but it was always you, Annette.

We could have spent a life together
but that's a chance we did not get.
I had a life of stolen moments
All with you, my sweet Annette.

I look up from the table
you are stood there, sweet Annette
Even after forever I love you
with a love, I can’t forget.

My heart is full of shadows
and I am aching with regret.
You say Harry are you crying?
your eyes are red and wet.

I smile and whisper softly.
I’m alright my sweet Annette.
It's just the smoke rings rising
from my forgotten cigarette.

Where did the years go
they flew bye like a running deer.
Here I am again my love.
I pay a pilgrimage visit here
every passing summer.

The sand covered road
leading to the old clam bar
on the dunes where we met.
The neon sign outdated
flickering
a thing from the past
just like me now I suppose.

The place is cool and dark inside
the old Wurlitzer is still there.
It takes a dime I hit B17.
Elvis still weeps love me tender.
if I close my eyes
I can still see you

we are close dancing
on the parquet square
I whisper I love you baby girl.
Your hand lifts up into my long hair.
You call me your wild man
God, I miss you, baby
Why did have to go and die?

I sip my ice cold beer.
this place is full of ghost.
two of them are dancing close.
But I think it is us.

In resting pose she sleeps in innocence
Under pillowed clouds and songbirds fold
Softly twilight drifts in vaulted reverence
her sweet face framed by hair of gold

At night the silvered shadows fall
In shrouded silence, she does not hear
The saddened lilt of night-birds call
Or the distant heartbeats of those so dear

Amber sunsets fall upon her, till
Darkness breaks with moonlight cheer
Lost in slumber deep and still
Safe from anguish and earthly fear

I am a unique color.
There's not one
like it anywhere else in this world.
I suppose you would need
to meet me to see if it was
the exact hue and shade
that  you are seeking.

In a perfect world, there is
someone out there
who does need it desperately.
I am looking for an artist pallet
where my color
compliments yours perfectly.

There must be an artist
who needs exactly my color
to complete their
perfect landscape of life.

A Crimson Forest whispers autumns sound
Like a rain of fire the falling leaves
A floral carpet forms upon the ground
The last light of summer now deceives

In her gentle breeze the summer leaves
I stand alone in my seclusion
My heart cannot ease the loss it grieves
Was summer just a sad illusion?

In visions dark as the shadows leaves
To mourn the beauty once adorned
To lie in rest beneath the leaves
Grieving the warmth of a summer scorned