I want to be well
Please, I pray to heal me
Let me be me again.

I miss myself
I miss being healthy
I feel I'm dettererating
From inside out.

I was once a strong individual
Who was never scared to get back up
From crashing so hard to the ground
Now
Barley able to lift a single limb
Yet alone my body back up
Is detramental

To accept this new life
As good, as strength
Is not acceptable in my mind
My body deserves more

My soul deserves to be pain free
My life deserves to break these chains
Weighting me down with disease.

The constant battles
Of if I can or cannot
If so how long
What do I need to prepare for
Is warring thin.

I once wore scars proud
To show others how strong I was
Now my scars are all on the inside
Affecting my thoughts actions words and breath.

A little more each day
As each day new scars form
Never to show
Only for me to know.

I want to be well
Please alowe me to be me
Again
To be judged no more
Of the shape
I am in.

Grateful
for the way
you loosened my tongue
unlocked the longing
let nature, unfettered,
spill forth

For the keys
to the dance floor,
the illusion
of manhood -
the sing-songs,
punch-ups,
lock-ups
and lovers

But that part played,
what's left
is loveless.
You weigh on my mind,
you get in the way,
you pin my arms
and force your way in

My boys are watching.
You'd have them think
this was normal, natural -
you're waiting
with your glistening invitation
to take them down
this perilous path

Wasted
days wasted
they watch.
I wish
myself washed
of this witchcraft.

I'll raise a glass
in this hall of mirrors
then set it down
untasted.
We'll always have
the past, I suppose.
Now please,
just let me be.