eleven friends and family
gone so early in my life
death has taken it toll
on me I'm afraid
the one's who haven't died
said they would always be there
those were promises lost
I was stabbed in the back
sold out for something less
And now I have no one
nothing
but a bottle of pills
I still think about death
about starting over
in the afterlife
away from the pain
away from them
I'm so tired of this life
tired of the hurt
tired of being betrayed
tired of being alone
why should I care about others?
when nobody cares about me?
It is a constant thought
I will admit that
but am I desperate enough?
to end this life
I think perhaps I may enjoy it
the pain that is
the sadness
the torture
yes, I think I enjoy being miserable
I am a scorpio after all
scorpio's can blend in
disappear in a crowded room
their quiet and laid back
and yet they can take only so much
before they attack in self defense
when will I attack?
who will I hurt?
how badly will I hurt them?
perhaps I should end it now
before I do something I regret
perhaps I will enjoy regret
add it to the torture I already feel
continue being miserable

Can't put my mind to rest, it's another sleepless night.
My eye's are wide open, and it seems a constant fight.
I lay here in thought, about my long boring day.
Daydreaming of tomorrow, and the bills I must pay.

I toss and I turn, trying to find comfort in this bed.
Punching my pillows, so I can have a place for my head.
After a few minutes, the cycle must again repeat.
Then there is an itching sensation, that begins in my feet.

After laying here for an hour, and going through this charade.
I get up and go to the refrigerator, for a midnight raid.
Now that I have a full stomach, maybe I'll have better luck.
But another hour passes, and this is really beginning to ****.

It's running close to two o'clock, and my eye's have yet to close.
Then there is another itch, except this time it's my nose.
My eyes begin to get heavy, and I'm hoping I will sleep.
And then I hear my alarm clock, beep, beep, beep.

By now it's four o'clock, and I still haven't slept a wink.
My eyes hurt so much now, they hurt to even blink.
I drag myself out of bed, so I can move forward with my day.
And hope that I will sleep tonight, or there will be hell to pay.

Dearest,

     Hello, how are you? Me? I'm okay. I'm writing you
this letter, cause I just had to say. I love you, I miss
you. I want to come back. I will get a job, and treat you
right, and I will pick up the slack.

     You are the one, I knew it, when I first saw you that
day. Smiling and walking, in that seductive way. Your
looks are to ****, your sassy as can be. I knew you were
the girl, I wanted for me.

     When I come home, I want you to stay close. Cause
you are the one, that my heart chose. Walk with me, talk
to me, caress me with care. Our hearts will soon know,
this love that we share.

     Until then, I will write, just so you'll know. How much
I love you, and how it will show. I want this letter to never
end. But it must be stopped now, if it's ever to be sent.

                                                            Love Always,