I wanted to write
something that could capture
the way you held me
when I was scared of the dark
but also scared of
the flashing lights
that lit false paths.
Words to express
how much I appreciate
you
and everything you've done for me.
For you hid me from death
and protected me
when I deserved much less.
Something to show the world
that in dark there could be light
and that that light
was you.

The capo
Clamps the
Heart
Changing
Key of
Blue

The compass
Spins the
Mind
And leads
Me to
You

I see your face
Every time I close my eyes
Painting my dreams
The color of your disguise

i cannot fathom
the (i'd)ea
of you (go)ing away
and leav(in)g
me here,
i(s)olated ,
unable to st(an)d
by mys(e)lf.
*n.d.

he told me he loved me and i thought that was funny.
me? silly me with my crunched hair and wandering eyes.
me? short tempered and emotional me.
me? elaborate and confused. lifeless.
he took my hand and kissed its palm.
he told me i was beautiful.
he told me i was strong.
he didn't see my scars.
he didn't see me hide my face in his fingers.
i wanted him to mess up.
i wanted him to make me mad.
but he was perfection.
he was there with love.
and i was here with tears in my eyes and no hope.
and he stayed.
and i will never know why.

Still unsure how to love myself.