"Relationships are a funny thing,"
That's what my papa said.
(This was his excuse for why
OUR relationship held barely by a thread.)

We were never close,
My papa and I.
I'd try to fix us,
But he'd be preoccupied.

When I hit my teens,
I hit 'em hard.
Those boys and I
Went way too far.

I'm all grown up now,
Wanting to get married
The man who's interested
Has never varied . . .

He's smart, and kind.
He's ironclad.
But more than anything,
*He's just like Dad.

Designer clothes.
Designer shoes.
Manicure.
Pedicure.
Highlights, too.
Your facade is immaculate,
but you don't need to be told.
You put up a front,
and think nobody knows
the real you.
That insecure woman,
is much more beautiful
than any surface you could summon.

Her tear-filled eyes glance down to me,
But she quickly averts her gaze.
She knows not what to do at that point,
For she can only change her ways.

"What do you do when the one that you love,
Makes home-life seem but a war?
And what can you do when words aren't enough
To heal the perpetual sores?"

I smile sheepishly, and keeping my gaze down,
I let the thoughts race through my fragile mind.
After a few silent moments, I look up and say,
*"Mom, it's time to say goodbye."

I look into the mirror,
but who's looking back?
She's trying to please everyone,
to make up for what she lacks.

This girl craves approval,
from the man two hours away.
She's crying out for attention,
by losing all that weight.

Who is this girl looking back?
Surely she can't be me.

Close your heavy eyes.
Let Sleep bless your weary soul.
The day fades away.

Color coded schedules
written into her agenda
tell the wonders of my life.
Speaking to the efforts
(which seemed futile at the time)
of the pilot's ex-wife,
who, despite her best endeavors,
could never seem to
convince them that everything was fine.
You see, the children,
who were never really children,
could read between the lines.

I hear "I love you" every day,
and many other things.
These words warm me
from head to toe;
yet, they possess a certain sting.

"Actions speak louder than words",
I always say in return
to a certain man,
who doesn't have time
to care, hope, or discern.

I turn my head away,
mumbling of false guarantees
(both past and present).
I look in his eyes, get out of the car,
and think *"Remember me."