I think I need to relearn soft
I may need to try:
Awareness.
I want to try
To love her well
I need to make her feel safe
I may need to try
Again.
I want to try
To be worthy of her trust
I think I need to relearn
soft
aware
trustworthy
kind
Because:
I want to love her right

I promise to write something happier
I’m just very afraid right now
I know this isn’t what I feel
It’s just this moment
But
I’m still afraid
So I’ll write till it disappears
And then I’ll finish the truer thoughts I have written just for you
Because You
My love
Are not this fear in my chest!!!
But
Understand
I must write the fear somewhere
Because I Am afraid
I Am terrified
But only for this moment
Before I wake up
and recognize my happier reality
......
Hopefully (says fear)

I don’t know if I can take it
Someone else leaving
Not so soon
I know this is a sorry excuse for a poem
And certainly no fine speech
I guess it’s just me begging
On my knees
On my face
Groveling in the dirt-
Where I seem to belong-
Pitiful, not to you
But maybe to whatever creature hears my course crying in the creaking wake of dawn...
To you I say:
This is my begging
Hear it well
My heart cannot take another sword-
I have only just bandaged from the first

sometimes
I think I might have found something
But then
Everything turns away once it gets your heart
Or your body for it’s pleasure
Which is worse?
I’m not sure I know.
Anymore.

Why do things always burn to bits in my hands ?
Why is there only ash left ...
What is it that drives me to burn so fiercely-
And how do I not feel the fire searing my own body-
When it seems to consume everyone who walks closer to me ...
It seems the burning can have no friends but ash and the scent of roasting flesh and boiling blood.
I burn alone.
And it seems I am burning alive.

Warm thoughts
Like waves of strawberry wind
Like windows rolled down in the summer
And slow dancing in twilight fields
Midnight thoughts
About her laying on my chest
About her laughter which makes me smile
and her heavenly scent swirling in the air about me
Crying thoughts
Because she doesn’t know how priceless she is
Because she can’t seem to see that she deserves
Everything
And hoping with all my heart
I can give her an embrace that but imitates that elusive safety she is missing
Smiling thoughts
The feeling of her mouth against mine still lingers...
My windows down
My music screaming
Driving away-
But knowing
I’ll see her another day

There’s a girl
Who makes me laugh
She’s an awkward angel
Wearing
Perhaps
The largest mask
I’d like to know her
Under it all
I hope she wants
To tell me her story
If only she’d talk
I wait to listen