thought you
had a good
thing goin'—

but all that's
left is
you, alone.

you spent time
finding the right one—
but the right one
never made it home.

you thought
you'd give it
one more try—

but love was
harder to chase
than fame,

and all that
remained
were fading echoes
of late-night crying.

nobody understood
you then.

nobody
understands you
now.

you think to yourself:
“when will
the next heartbreak
come around?”

you thought
you understood
modern love—

but modern love
doesn’t
understand you.

I said I won't let my demons haunt me
And every day, I lie to myself
Saying I'm getting better.

I address the problems
That only seems to affect the surface.
I ignore the underlying issue,
that I refuse to bring up from my inner hell.

I'm ignoring a part of myself,
That monster that wants to destroy
Everything in its path.

I'm ignoring a part of myself,
The monster, who's an addict.

I try to keep the beast away,
And somehow, he tempts me.

I've been sober for years,
Yet there's one voice in my head
That tells me to stop resisting temptation.

The monster in my mind,
Tells me, "Just one more time."

I want to run away.
Yet I can't seem to escape him.
Not this time.

The monster is always there,
In my head, haunting me.

I won't let him win.

Dear diary, it's been two years since I last wrote to you.

I'm still an addict,
at least in my head.

My self-destructive tendencies,
Fed by the monster who wants me dead,
Will lead me down a dark path,
If I don't do something now.

I'm treading a fine line.
One misstep and I lose everything
I fought to live for.

One misstep, and I lose the ones I love.

I can't let him win.

Dear diary, I can't take this anymore.
I'm finally admitting that I need help.

tired of the  
same old ways,  

i try to  
kick it back—  
explain:  

sometimes the  
world is cold.  

you didn’t ask  
for this,  
but it’s  
always been  
this way.  

you had everything—  
then lost it  
the next day.  

you take a step  
back,  
look up  
to the sky,  

watching blue  
turn gray  
without a reason why.  

melancholy sunshine,  
rays of light  
fading away,  

like the soft  
hues  
of yesterday.  

you hate this—  
and yeah,  
i know  
it’s cruel.  

but stick around  
for a few,  

it gets better—  

and it’s okay  
if it’s not  
your day.  

for all that
it's worth:

i love you,  
anyway.

baby, don't
misunderstand

internal
struggles
are a mess

all i've got
is hope

that one day,
i'll find solid
ground

so i can return
to myself

and safely land.

return to sender,
i will not surrender;

this postcard is
a testament.

i promise you that
my will is strong,

and i will find
solace and center

because
i didn't make
it this far

to give up
on a future
together,

forever.

so baby, please
understand

internal
struggles
are a mess.

all i've
got is hope

and my word
that one day,

i'll return
to myself

and safely land.

Years have passed
And I finally see
With my eyes open.

Years of misery,
Tears, enough
To cry at a funeral.

I was in a comatose,
Waiting for someone
To bring me to life.

You were the one
I wanted and

You were right there
The whole time.

And that’s when
I knew,
At that moment,

Everything
Would be alright.

Back then,
We both went

Our own paths,
Made our own plans,

But somehow we
Crossed paths.

And now, loneliness
Is a feeling that’ll
Never last.

Years have passed,
But I can finally
See,

You were the one,
Meant for me.

like a car crash,
explosions fill
my head

emotional wreckage—
thoughts tangled
in dread

am i the problem?
or are they
projecting
instead?

i let go
of the wheel

just to
feel something—

go off the rails,
’cause sanity
feels surreal.

am i the problem?
or just
trapped in
my head?

because dealing
with this

is harder
than i ever
imagined.

who hurt you
so much now?

get back up
off the ground.

they may have
let you down,

but that doesn't mean
you're down
for the count.

just wait.

give it
a little time—

things happen
for a reason,

and your heart
is aching
for something more.

i know
you’ve been through
a lot.

you’ve tried so hard,
fought to stay afloat—
still breathing
through the weight.

just wait.

lovers come
for a reason,
a season,
or a lifetime.

but seeking
your worth
in someone
who won’t see it

will only leave you
in shambles.

just wait.

the right one
will appear

when you
least expect it.

don’t give up.
you are more
than enough.

just wait.

the right one
will appear—
and they’ll love you
for real.

As the seconds turn to minutes,
The minutes into hours.
I move along the fibers of time,
Hoping I'll make it through the day.

As the days pass by,
It's getting harder to
Convince me
That I'm okay.

I tell myself:
It's only temporary.

But this sinking feeling
Comes in like a tidal wave,
Crashing over me.

Some days I feel
I can conquer the world,
Other days I feel
I'm not good enough.

Sometimes I feel I'm not fit for this life.

Everybody makes mistakes
but all I do is ***** it up.

Just when I think I'm okay,
There's a constant reminder
I'm living under a guise.

I'm not happy.
And I'm not okay.

I crash under the stress
And crawl back in my mental cave.

I feel like I'll never be good enough.

I feel like I'll never succeed.

I hope one day I can break free,
Of this mental torture consuming me.

you’ve been there
for me,

when i needed
you the most.

and i know
not all stories
have happy endings—

but i’m not
quite ready
to say goodbye.

your love is
more pure
than any human
could imagine.

so when i looked
into your little eyes,

i promised
to give you
the best years

of your golden life.

we’ve been through
so much,

and truth is,
i still need
you in mine.

so i’ll hold
your paws
close to my heart—

because letting go
is the hardest part.

i’m not ready
to say goodbye.

so please,
stay with me

tonight.

Life's greatest mysteries
Are hard to understand.
Some question life after death,
Others question the past.

The greatest mystery to me
One I can't wrap my head around,
Is how you fell in love with me.

I'm impossible and stubborn.
You're understanding and patient.

I'm self-destructive and tear myself down.
And when I'm near my breaking point and falling apart,
Somehow you're always there
To pick up the pieces and put me back together.

You see right through the walls,
The walls I built around myself.

You look past my flaws when I can't look past them myself.
You tell me I'm perfect just the way I am,
When all I see is a monster hiding underneath.

I don't know how someone like you met someone like me.

And I'm grateful that you've given me a chance to be with you.

Because of you:
You gave me a reason to believe.
You gave me a reason to fight,
and to conquer my demons.
You gave me a reason to exist,
When I didn't want to live anymore.

If love is the greatest mystery,
I don't want to question anything else.
I'll spend a lifetime decoding
The messages to spend a lifetime with you.

prayed for love,
prayed for life,
prayed for hope—

searched for,
longed for
something more

than just
a reason to believe,
a reason to
be less alone.

i prayed for days
to take
the pain away,

but the pain
was mine
to bear.

and the cross—
my testament,
a vow

to never let
fear interfere.

but one prayer
remains unanswered:

will i
make it
out okay?

surely,
because i hope—

it doesn’t always
have to stay
this way.

where is all
the compassion?

the empathy?

oh, humanity—

what a disaster.
left me
dumbstruck.

the world’s
spiraling faster
and faster

into a freefall
of selfishness
and carelessness.

we’re supposed
to move forward—
so why’s everyone
racing back
in time?

do you like
what you’ve become?

do you even
remember
what it’s like
to feel
something?

it’s dumb luck
expecting people
to wake up

when they’re
already dead
inside.

i can’t believe it—
they’re so
hollow.

but i won’t be
the one to follow,
won’t fall
in line.

all it takes
is a little compassion.

a little
understanding.

so next time
you open your mouth—

be kind.

There were times when
I looked up to you

There were times when
I thought I had a brother
Who gave a **** about me.

Somewhere down the road,
Emotions veered off course
And you became another stranger

You became a stranger to me,
and everyone that loved you.

You turned into a monster,
Drinking down your emotions,
Morphing them into hate

You were mad at the world,
And angry at everyone around you.

You resorted to violence,
because that was the only time
you felt you could get your point across.

You abandoned your father,
Your son, your daughter
When things didn't go your way.

You moved, you started a new family.
And when it went south,
You decided enough was enough, taking your own life.

You lived your life
With the notion
that everyone was against you

It was you against the world.

No one would listen,
No one gave you a chance.
No one believed in you.

I gave you a chance.
Your father gave you several.

You abandoned your kids,
and they still came crawling back.

Your sisters didn't give up hope,
and you still believed you were public enemy number one.

Now that you're gone,
It's almost like you've abandoned us again.

There are no more chances to make amends.

In spite of that, there is room for forgiveness.

I forgive you for leaving me.
For leaving your son, your daughter,
Your father, your mother,
And your sisters behind.

Your demons got the best of you.

I won't let mine get the best of me.

I forgive you for everything you've done to me,
And those who loved you.

I won't forget you.
And neither will they.

I have to accept you're gone.
You're never coming back.
There's nothing I can do
to bring you back to life.

I have to accept it
and move on.

losing a significant other
is like someone
losing their own life

you separate from
mind, body, and soul

Nobody helps you,
And it's like being stuck
in permafrost

Your spirit ends up lost,
Clinging to nobody
And you grow
weary and tired

Because you're sick
of the same old story.

It's like going through
the five stages of grief

But it's never in order, completely.

There's denial,
Anger and bargaining
with yourself.

Convincing yourself
And others,
That it's alright

But alone,
you suffer in silence
And are at one with
depression.

After some semblance,
Life lessons, trials and
tribulations, you desire
hope and acceptance

But today isn't your day,
And the chain of emotions sway.

Just like the pendulum on a
grandfather clock

You swing back and forth,
Hoping that time
just stops.

take two,  
and let  
the cameras roll—  

flip the script,  
you tried to  
rewrite the blame.  

but the lens  
is cracked,  
the angles don’t lie,  

and this story  
won’t end  
the same.  

let’s move past  
the charade—  
acting only works  
until the mask  
falls away.  

we’re both  
to blame,  
but only one  
kept staging  
the pain.  

i could pretend,  
but this is  
the end—  

a close-up  
on the fallout  
of the reckless  
and the brave.  

take two—  
lights,  
camera,  
reaction.  

this is my scene  
now,  
my cut,  
MY flame.  

and you  
can’t steal  
the spotlight  
from me  
again.

the past caught up to me
and I

couldn't run away
from it this time.

a fork in the road,

decisions to be made
and I'm waiting, wondering

is life just one big show?

the outcome,
nobody knows,

we're all in it for the ride

trying our best
to keep our heads above water

and not get swept in the undertow.

it's all a game of chance,
and survival

the final destination,
a to-be-determined arrival.

a fork in the road,
decisions to be made,
and I'm waiting, wondering

how long it will take

to break this cycle?

you don’t talk
to me

you make it
hard to see

it takes
two to tango

and i’m tired
of playing
guesswork

that’s got me
all tangled up
and confused.

so when you
showed up

the last time
at my door

and told me
it wasn’t meant
to be

i was certain,
for sure,
that nothing was
wrong.

but you led me
on,

and said it was
only for
your benefit

and nothing more.

now i’m ripping
the pages from this
book

because i’m
just sick of it all,

sick of writing
chapters and

sick of falling
in love.

i don’t wanna
be lonely forever

but if that’s what
it takes to heal,

then i’m so
over it—

and this time,
i want something
real.

Remember the days
you spent alone?

Cold-hearted
and jaded,

You wandered down
the road of despair,
With roadblocks at every turn,

Scared to believe it
would get easier

The further you went through
life's intersection.

It's not that you gave up
Or didn't care,

You just wanted things
to finally go right,

Instead of running in circles,
lost in thin air.

As the saying goes,
"All is fair in love and war,"

There's no limit to achieving
what you strive for.

Just open your heart,
let the inner light glow,

There's no reason to
face the shadows alone.

Remember when you thought
you could never love again?

Like all happy endings,
your story doesn't stop here.

Your new chapter begins,

Because
This is not the end.

If time heals all wounds,
And time is essential
when it comes to love

Why, after all this time,
Do I still love you?

It's been months
And I can't get you out of my head.

We went different ways,
and now it seems
I'm doing everything I can
To hide my feelings in plain sight.

April went to September,
And September went to December,
And I can't bring myself to tell you
How I really feel.

I don't want to lose you
And I'm afraid you don't love me
The way I love you.

They say time heals all wounds.

How long will it take,
Before I get over you?

Heart beating,
short of breath.

I wake up alone
and wonder:

What would life be like

without you by my side?

The fear of losing you
leaves me choked up inside,

but I'm doing my best
to cast those feelings aside.

It's taken me so long
to open my eyes,

a long journey marred by mistakes,
one after another.

It's taken me so long just
to let my guard down and try.

Sick and tired of building up walls,
I'm simply tired of losing it all.

I'll do everything in my power
to save myself from the fall,

just to spend one more night

with you by my side.

call me,
tell me
how i wronged
you—

paint me
as the villain,

but we’re both
living in sin.

you take this
like an attack,
like i’ll let you
down

one
last
time.

but listen—
there’s nothing
left to lose,

and no one’s
in the right
this time.

i rose
from the coffin
i buried myself in.

got tired
of searching
for miracles,

'cause all i'm
left with
are endings
gone bad.

and i’m so
**** tired

of spiraling
again.

so when
i told you
i needed space—

the last
thing
i wanted

was
to hear
from you.

lately,
i've been down—
and i don't understand
why it still haunts me.

i thought
this would be
the last time.

i was ready
to move on,
but there was
one last storm
i didn’t account for.

i know—
pain isn’t linear,
and sometimes,
the thunder rolls
before the rain
takes form.

but love
was never meant
to last,

not today,
not tomorrow—
not even
if you asked.

so baby,
i ask of you:
let this love
live in the past.

there won’t be
a final act—
just two hearts
moving forward,
intact.

i don’t know
why i allow
you to step
into my life.

i’ve fought
so long
for peace—

you walk right in
like you’ve got
the right.

you got me
feeling stuck
in place.
i waived the flag,
called a truce—

but instead of
stillness,
you chose
the chase.

what do you want,
anyway?

i spent so long
trying to figure it out—

but it’s still
the same lines
on a different day.

i don’t know
why i let you
circle back
again,

when all you do
is skirt the truth
and keep me
in your game.

waking up  
in a haze,  

state of delirium—  
where am i at?  

i look in the  
mirror and see  
a reflection  

of someone  
i used to know.  

i need a place  
to escape—  

all i wanted  
was to protect  
my peace  

and be safe.  

the waves  
come and go,  

emotional  
instability,  
barreling toward  
insecurity:  

here i go.  

all i wanted  
was only love—  
but that was  
taken away,  

and i’m left  
with all  
the blame.  

you say  
i broke you  
down—  

but all i  
ever wanted  

was to build  
us up—  

and the  
foundation  
was shaky  
ground.  

waking up  
in a haze,  

i fight  
to stay awake.  

please, god,  
let the rain  
wash away—  

and take away  
my pain.  

because i  
don’t want  
to go another day  

getting  
carried  
away.

woke up  
on tuesday morning,  

one foot  
in front of the other.  

no rush,  
no hurry—  

just me,  
blue and under  
the weather.  

i used to find  
sunshine  
in so many places,  

but i lost  
the best  
i’ve ever had—  

and now,  
the sun feels  
a little colder
now.

i wonder  
whether  
it gets better.  

i used to be  
a goal-getter.  
now i’m in overdrive,  

short-term PTSD—  
nerves wrecked,  
spirit stretched.  

so many days  
crying,  
wondering if  
this ever ends—  

’cause i’m tired  
of living  
a bittersweet story,  

and tired  
of being  
down bad.  

you were  
the best—  

the best  
i’ve ever had.

tear and thrash,
create, then crash—

no meaning left,
no faith,
just ash.

am i the only
one who feels
under the gun?

i’ve fought
for something more,

rose from flames,
still wanting more.

i’ve endured
all i could endure—

and now all i see
is blood
in my eyes.

but i’m
not giving up
yet.

i’m already broken—
but i’m not
gone.

how do i go on
when nothing feels right?

i stare into the sun
just to steal
some light.

you’re not the only one
falling from the sky—

but how can i be strong
when you keep
singing goodbye?

you’ve suffered
for so long

and now
you want to give up

because all
you’ve ever wanted
was to be
something
to someone —

to belong
in this world

your knees buckle
and hit the ground

you try to cry
but nothing comes out

you ask yourself:
am i emotionless?
am i
down
for the count?

touching the surface
you look
for ways
to escape
this spiral

is this
the final
temperamental break?

you scream
shaking your fist
at the sky

you search
for hope —
but you see it
nowhere
at all

maybe one day
you’ll wake up

and realize
hope
was always
around

move
forward,
rebound.

this is your
time —

your time to
not let your
emotions
drown.

tricked myself
into believing
i was okay.

took another path,
veered off course—

now my
neuropathways
are backfiring.

forcing myself
to keep my head high,

so i don’t slip
into the same
chaotic state

that’s way
too familiar.

it’s all
so tiring.

i’m sick
of it.

tired of
feeling comatose,
unalive,

just drifting.
with tired
eyes.

i’m ready
for what’s next.

i need something
with weight—
with substance.
with meaning.

i’m done
keeping my
head down.

i’m done
drowning.

it’s my time.

this isn’t
my ending.

this is the
beginning

of an era
they thought
was lost.

i’m reclaiming
what’s mine—

i’m ready
for

what’s next.

because nothing
will hold me down

anymore.

mysteries
left unsolved—
scattered like ashes
across the floor,

like tracing smoke
to find the arsonist
who burned it down
to bury regret.

the evidence runs deep.
and the mirror
can’t lie
any longer.

he floors the pedal,
gives it his all—
but the past
clings like fire
in his rearview.

one last getaway.
just one more line
to cross—
because crossing them
is all he’s ever known.

he’s spent his whole life
living a lie.

i try to see
the bright side
every day,

but deep down,
i’m scared—

my nerves
frayed,
worn thin
like overused threads.

i spent years
simply surviving,

keeping my head low,
waiting
for the right timing

to make it out
unscathed.

but cuts
and scrapes
still touch the surface,

and the light
inside my heart
flickers—
on repeat.

i know
what it’s like
to feel something,

but life
isn’t fair,

and the pain
i bear
makes me question:

will i remain
broken forever?

or will i
break free
from this cycle—

free from
the fear—

and like a phoenix,
take flight,
rise from the ashes,

and finally
fix my broken heart?