I stared at myself in the mirror, I look like ****.
I didn’t sleep, nightmares took over last night.
It was horrible, I was shooting someone.
I was shooting someone I knew.
It’s very disturbing, I’m sorry if I’m not myself today.

My mother bought me new sheets and a comforter.
I didn’t ask her to get me new sheets or a new comforter.
It’s nice, I love the color.
It's a beautiful blue comforter, it's very warm.
She said she will paint my walls a different color, my walls have been the same way for 10 years.
10 years, it has been orange and yellow walls with hand painted flowers on the wall.
I’m grateful of course, It’s nice to know she is thinking about me.
She seemed even a little excited, I guess she needs a new art project so she decides to finally paint my walls.
I hope she really does it, it seems like it will be a nice change.
Thank you mom.

I'm just gonna bury myself in a black fog tonight cause your light escaped me and liquor sounds lovely since you obviously don't give a **** about me anyway.

If I could list off your flaws
I'd put my name at the top.
Not your acne, that doesn't bother me.
Not your shaggy hair, three days *****.

If I could pile up your shortcomings
I'd seat myself upon a throne.
Not your blissfully ignorant youth.
Not your wistfully exaggerated woes.

If I could collect all the darkness
I've ever witnessed in your acts
I'd keep it closest to my heart
Where my shadow holds onto addiction.

Despite our differences, my sweet sinner
That which makes you ugly, makes you human,
And if I am to ever love your ruin.
I'll learn to love my hate for blisters.

Polished and refined,
With death I have found
A life below ground
A place I can call mine
Destruction and evil deeds
A breeding of pure hate
Is all that I can create
Out of all these heartless seeds

I punch them in
To the deep sullen dirt
Water them with vengeance
And a sprinkling of hurt
Tonight is the night
I find what dwells below
I don't have a key
But I can bargain with my soul
As I place it into these seeds
I am but reeds in the grass
I'm letting go
Only Heaven knows
The blackness of Hell's wrath

I plant my lifeless soul in this plot
To groom it as it grows
So slowly that nobody knows
It's the place the devil goes to rot
Watered with tears, warmed with fire
And as time stands still, never changing
This fruition of evil continues growing
Until the depths of hell can go no higher

Then it will bloom
A flowering gloom
Growing out of control
The ground will harden
In this here garden
Fertilized by my soul

A primary source of pain is the truth,
though the truth shall set you free.
An addiction beyond recognition,
there is something dark deep inside me.

Inanimate white evil,
has stolen he who is I.
My soul needs cleansing,
Am I close to where I die?

With knowledge comes wisdom,
and wisdom is beneficial.
But knowledge of this darkness,
The last thing I am is superficial.

Reality is no longer near,
As my sinuses fail to clear.
The darkness was formed by choice,
And to die is what I fear.

As the lights rapidly flicker,
While my mind starts to shut down.
Like a married couple who bickers,
There is no peace,
In my own blood I will drown.

The light calmly dims,
The rhythm of the monitor straightens,
And a continuous beeping noise trims,
The sound of silence in the room.

In the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost,
Whoever snorted the fastest got the most.
But was it an escape from reality?
Or reality escaping from me,
I am now forever gone,
But the darkness will linger over my family.

Insomnia,
Insomnia,
I wish that you would die.
Why is it that you ****** me?
You laugh as you make me cry.

Feelings that help conspire,
My heart to skip a beat.
The pressure of my blood rises higher,
To cure my sadness I continue to eat.

A monster grows inside of me,
His name I do not know.
All of this peculiar controversy,
Conspiracies begin to grow.

Not knowing who or what I am,
I start to lose my head.
While my head forms
it's acidic jam,
It soaks up into my bed.

Deadly forces fight inside,
My brain stops it's function.
Unconventional disfunctions collide,
Like a sentence without conjunction.

Distancing myself from society,
I'll sleep forever lonely.
Friends are like your enemies,
So late to realize they're phony.

Love has been lost,
Some time ago.
I wish I had a companion.
Misery,
Inside of me.
A woman's touch will make,
This loneliness inside of me go.

Questioning the nature of humanity,
I feel I'm betraying the lord.
Constant coexisting insanity,
Starts when one becomes bored.

Boarding up these windows,
The storm rolls in above.
As peers become your hated foes,
Hate transformed from love.

Waking up this very day,
I notice a familiar sensation,
Every dawn is like today,
With no spontaneous creation.

Night comes about,
I fail to sleep,
Instead I start to shout.
Counting sheep,
Is useless,
As my heart fails to grout.

Insomnia,
Insomnia,
Why won't you let me be?
Too many things exhaust my mind.
I'd like to go to sleep.

she was born
with rage in
her blood and
a fire in her
heart.

I wanted to keep sleeping this morning.
I was thinking of things to convince myself to get out of bed.
Finally I got up, I rubbed my eyes.
The beautiful bright sun was shinning through my windows.
I love the sun, it's warm.
I checked my emails and I messaged a few people.
I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
I didn't look long, bad thoughts would start flooding my brain.
I would think I'm fat and ugly.
I made some tea, cinnamon and apple was the flavor.
My dad was already up, I said hi.
I asked if there were any eggs, he said no.
But he offered me cereal, I really was trying not to have a bad day with food.
So I ate something, nothing much but I ate.
I'm going to start my day now.