If only I could find the...
What was it?



....



****.

No wrath to fit
A martyr's crime
Paid in blood

Looking for the words to describe
How I see your flawed existence
Broken haphazardly spiraling into the distance
"Do you know what your sin is?" She asked
Angry
Bitter
Vindictive

Cancerous
That's a good word
No sin of mine but the combined sin
Of my own and myself
Yes
Cancerous works
"No I don't know what sin is."
The most perfect reply
Seething in my word play

The word burning through my lips
Fanged verbiage no longer held at bay

"****"

"Ich liebe dich"
She dreams in german
Eyes flutter
Cheeks flushed
Biting her lip
"Fir iber und ewig"
She says
Smiling softly
In whatever adventure we're on
Dancing across her eyelids

If only she meant me.

Chess bleeds the sins
     From my mind
          Into captured kings.

Trying
Trying to form
Trying to form the thought
It hurts too badly
The toilet calls for me
Trying
Trying to find
Trying to find the shirt
I lost in my stupor
Wretching at every step
Trying
Trying to think
Trying to think of where
In the ******* I am
Who's house is this?
Trying
Trying to force
Trying to force the water
To stay inside my stomach
Every breath brings more *****
Trying
Trying very hard
Trying very hard to stand
The room spins in a terrible way
Fall to the floor alone
Trying
Trying not to
Trying not to smell
The smoke and whiskey stench
Throttling the air around me
Trying
Trying to remember
Trying to remember my steps
Bringing me to this painful juncture
Lost memory blackened out
Trying
Trying to will
Trying to will myself
Into believing this is my house
And that I need help here.

You can't hide those lies behind your eyelids
Shutting them tight so you won't see the world where we live
Trusting yourself to let it loose
Between the work, the love, the life, and the self-abusiveness
Throw up those waking nightmares
As I'm the taste of bile that will always reside there
Just go ahead and face it
Those lies behind your eyes give me no form of entertainment

Sometimes it seems like you aren't even trying
Pain pills down you throat leaves you no room to fly in
Desperation makes you angry
You don't know when your dreams will set you free
This time you're going to go a little too far
From the devils your run from to the drunken dents in your car
But shut those lying eyes
So you'll never see the story end with the way that you die