The grain of salt I mistook you for
Still tasted bitter on my pallet

Forget that when
We buckled
We never broke
Just bent

Like the tense end of a ruler
Like childhood daring
Teasing the ends to touch
Before the snap
Sent you home for being disobedient

You sent me home
So many times
I got the path back memorized
The same way Ice skaters know
When to move

There is a special kind of cursive
Etched in the dusty back roads
Of my misbehavior

Spells out
Perfect
sometimes

Spells out
Forgive me

Spells out
Last ditch effort to make you like me

I barely know where I am going

Barely know where I've been

Just got this itch to move

I guess

If I were blind
I could still appreciate the topography
Of your smile

Forgive my trembling hands
They do that sometimes

Forgive me for standing too close
For too long

Just that I could’ve sworn
Your halo felt like handcuffs
And I’d like to get stuck in there

I mean
I’d pillar of salt your gaze
To season the earth you walk on
Forget that I’ll **** the plant life if I do that

You’re not a biology major

And I don’t care if I destroy the flowers

This is California

The desert part

I’m takin’ something down with me

I mean
This poetry is its own reward
Even if you never know

I mean
I got laughter on remote control
And I worry that I’ll wear your buttons down

Funny bones aint so funny when they break

I mean
I could love you if you let me
And you are more than welcome to break my heart

I mean
I am just so tired of writing love poetry

Turns out
I am a man sized
Inappropriate
Bad idea machine
And I wish I had someone to blame

Like you maybe

I’d like to cause and affect your beauty
How I drink to stop my stutter
But only when I see you do I stutter

Is that beer on my breath
Beautiful woman?
Or is it the burning smell
Of leftover courage

I found it in a cup
Cost me five dollars

I mean

Chivalry is not dead
He and I just got lost in translation

How I still think it’s cute
To drunk text
Or type

Or

I mean I am drunk right now
Writing this
A six pack alone
And still
I can see you in the fog
Of my memories movies
Just as clearly sober
And just as hauntingly beautiful

Probably I shouldn’t tell you that
But phone in hand
I say

What’s up?

I’m drunk again.

Goodnight.

I mean
Not even fake courage
Could settle obnoxiousness enough
To be truthful

So in permanent marker
On my bathroom mirror
I remind myself

“You are an *******”
Turns out
I’m an *******

“I don’t believe in love”
He said
“There’s just this
Sycophantic idea with forever
And that somehow our passion
Could last exactly that long”

I think about you
And I almost believe him
But I know
I can love you forever

I am too good at bear hugs
And am fully flexible
When it comes to Kama Sutra napping
I can hold you in slumber
From any angle

I know there are days
Where I fall so far apart
The slow drag of my soul
Along the ground
Pieces me back together a little *****

I am a little *****
Especially when it comes to my mouth
I say things sometimes
That surprise the disgusting

I hope you like ***** talk

And I hope you can be patient
Forever is a long time to love somebody

I mean
Centuries from now
After my soul has doubled back
On it’s ***** self
So many times I come back as just a flower
I will still try and smell nice for you

And I will try and stay alive in
Whatever *** you drown me in
For as long as I can

I mean
I can’t live forever
But as long as I do
I am fully capable
Of loving you

Can I trust the eyes seeking mine?
I want to
Because they look like home
Through sepia tones
A bittersweet nostalgia before
We learned how easily people break

I want to trust your arms
They look just big enough to hold me
When I know the only way I feel safe
Is in the shape of a ball

And if you were any more beautiful
I’d be *******
Much like the ten beers I should’a
Said no to
Before you
And they
Had me sycophantic and stumbling
And already
just a little bit
*******

I want the smell of you to linger on my clothes
The same way fire does
After a book burning
Just a little bit shameful

I want you to stop my stammering
With a kiss
To preoccupy my mouth
Long enough to subdue my stupid

I want to let go
Of the fever that makes my back sweat
When I see you
And the worry
That your eyes might lose their shine someday

I want you
In all the ways that
I am probably not supposed to want you
But I do

I want our wrinkles to one day fit
Like ****** up Ziploc bags
It’s that bad
So kiss me
Before I tell you that

And maybe
keep your eyes closed
Until I can trust them
Because I want to

Woke to the smell of smoke
Only to find my family
Standing around our couch which was on fire
Like a group of homeless people trying to stay warm

This is just practice
For when the money runs out

Forget the missing smoke detectors
Forget the old man just standing there
Saying, “I’m sorry” like old men do
Forget four walls
Walls are flammable

There is this distance
The size of apathy
And we
Are in the middle
Huddled around a fire
Trying to stay warm
As our house burns down around us

Until finally
Dry lips whisper water
And ***** lungs
Die for air
And I grab a hose from the porch

As the smoke finally clears
As they huddle in the car
With the heater running
As I learn to finally see my home as broken

Still
I will always have a safe place to cry
And we will always have a safe place
To lie

Breathless and still, he stood there
And still fell the rain
That soaked
Saturating every fabric
A darker shade of lonely

Rain
It’s his favorite color
So he stood breathless

All silent save for a lone heartbeat
Pulse in his ears
Like a sunken head in still bathwater

The steady rhythm reminds him
He is still living
And helpless to stop it
Like the rain
His favorite color
Darkening his view
So it can be brighter again

He knows
Fathers will forget when they get to that age
And brothers will always need rough love
When it is hardest to give

With hospital

And phone

And car

And credit card bills

Still in his hand

Getting heavier

And darker

And wetter

He stood in his driveway
Breathless and broken
Buckled at the backbone of forever
Never finding center
But for as long as the weather permit
He was at least happy