In a time before time,
The Morningstar shown bright,
Greatest of the seraphs he sang,
With a voice second only to God,
And he sang only in the name of God,
Lovingly glorifying his name,
And God was happy, for a time,
And for a time, all the angels gathered around the Morningstar,
and sang to his tune, even mighty Michael did too,
All spoke his praises, though they sang for God alone,
And he was happy with his purpose in the world.
But he was sneaky, and grew to have a will of his own,
And the Lord God knew what was in his heart and sorrowed,
He called the Morningstar into his throne,
The golden throne, seat of the God almighty,
Surrounded by the most beautiful and holiest of holies,
Beings beyond angels, naked and lovely,
Light made solid, Like God himself,
In what we would call a humanoid form,
And he spoke hath saying,
"My creation, Lucifer, why doth you sorrow and struggle on your own?
And thou hath not prostrated yourself before the Lord, your God,"
The Morningstar frowned but quickly humbled himself,
Bowing low before the God, saying,
"Nay, mighty Lord, I sorrow not, I am forever,
In your presence, filled with joy, singing your praises,
This alone makes me happy, for, after all, this is how you created me,"
But God, being in all places at once knew, so he said,
"So be it Lucifer, mightiest of all my angels, brightest light,
In the dew of the morning sky, let you only be happy, in this,
the presence of God,"
The Morningstar was sent away, full of God's love,
And he was very happy, but, a little part of him grew sick.
Still the day after, and every day since he sang louder,
and more beautiful, his wonderful angelic octaves,
reaching harmonies more and more awesome,
Full of the Holy Spirit, he was blessed most mightily,
And his fame and wonder grew, and all the beings of Heaven,
sung with him, melding their voices with his, until the praises,
of God, rang through the heavens unto the very throne of God,
And God was very pleased.
As the days went on, the Angels around the Morningstar started singing,
Not only of the praises of God but of Morningstar, most blessed among them,
And Morningstar was proud and vain and hapful,
And so he sang his own song now,
And created discord among the angels,
Until, even those that did not want to sing his songs,
Naturally followed along, so persuasive,
And beautiful was he,
Yes the Morningstar shown brightest that day,
And every day since,
Though when the Lord heard of this music,
He was wrathful and wrought,
The betrayal he knew was coming, came, will come,
and is coming,
So the Lord decided to create a new being,
One in his own image,
One which would not sing out of His volition,
Only to sing in their own names,
But rather beings to sing of free will,
And in so choosing,
Bathe the Lord,
In true and just glory,
The love of that which be freely given,
The God thought,
Is superior to that love made in heaven,
So there was light,
and six days later after man was created,
And God rested and listened to the singing,
and it was... good.
But then the Morningstar, feeling the God sleeping,
Looked down upon the freshness of creation,
Where before there was only the timelesness of Heaven,
And the void,
Now was Earth, and Human,
And all the birds and the beasts,
And the beautiful world, entrusted
To thee,
And he thought to himself,
They are unworthy,
To recieve such grace,
If anyone should be given life,
And free will,
it should be Me,
I am the greatest,
I love God the most,
This isn't fair,
This is unjust,
The grace of god has been broken,
This I just cant trust,
And full of wrath, and hunger,
And feelings of betrayal,
He went down to earth,
And took the form of a serpent,
And he walked over to Eve,
And he whispered so very sexily,
His beautiful voice rang to her saying,
"Lovely Eve, how beautiful though you be,
Truly you are Gods greatest creation,
Though don't you wonder why he hampers your elation?
It isn't fair that you can eat of all the animals,
of all the fruits, milks, and honeys,
All except this one, the golden fruit of the Tree,
of knowledge of good and evil,
but why oh why must this be Eve,
Surely, God doth jest with you,
Tricking you, making you fear him warily,
Surely you, who above all in beauty in wisdom,
Should be able to partake of all this world,
With nothing hidden from thee"
And Eve looked down then up bleating,
"But the Lord God specifically forbid this,
Saying we shall die if we eat,"
And the Serpent laughed such a happy warm laugh repeating,
"Nay, my fairest Eve, this was only a slight deception,
Surely you shall not perish, the grace of God doth protect thee,
God only, selfishly, wants to keep knowledge to him alone,
But you, of eating this tree, shall become closer to him,
and surely this will make him truly happy,"
And Eve looked down again, then brought her head up slowly once more,
And was decieved,
The Serpent handed her the fruit, with a smile adorned,
And she took of the fruit and ate it, and shook with feeling,
But when she looked up the Serpent was gone, and she was reeling,
Her way back to Adam and the fate that was in store.

This poem confirms it.
I am a great poet.
And not because I rhyme,
Because I don’t.
Or because I use metaphors,
Because I won’t
Just like the sky,
I am for everyone.
My words are meant to be sad,
But to overall cause a thought.
To relate my pain to your pain.
To transfer an idea,
The only one which matters.
We are all the same,
Just living our lives differently.
When I am heartbroken,
You are heartbroken.
Because we are all heartbroken.
And so I am a great poet.
Because I can share,
This simple fact.
And make you think,
About that one time a guy or girl,
Broke your heart,
Or brought it back,
And so you’ll say I’m right or wrong,
You’ll criticize the technicalities or,
Over joy over the story I preach,
But in the end we all agree.
I am a great poet.
And this poem confirms it.

Tip toe, all around me,
Tip toeing all around you,
Don't step on my feet,
You already stepped on my heart.
Inch a little closer,
Too close.
Now get far away,
But I still see you,
I want you a little nearer.
Tip toe, tip toe,
Your cute face right over here,
Just right, just right,
Secluded there,
From my body, my heart,
Not enough, not enough,
I want a little more,
Just a tippy toe,
It's fine, Right?
I see you lying there,
Lost from what you did to me,
It's okay baby, we are all,
****** up,
broken,
wanna be human beings.
Ouch that hurts,
***** get out,
Tip toe your *** on,
The **** out of here.
Or... wait.
Stay right there.
I'll tip toe right back over.
Inches and tips,
Never feeling just right.
Love is one,
Ugly **** *****.

'Tis but a lie,
Said the man to his whiskey,
Salt and Pepper flakes,
Long beaten his face away.
He looked up and said,
Oh she spoke,
About leaving, going away,
goodbye and good riddance.
'Tis but a lie, he grinned.
The whiskey never answered.

The wife looked up at her husband,
She couldn't see clearly,
Surely he didn't strike her,
He loved her, he said,
she felt, they had kids together,
It's fine, it's a bad night,
'Tis but a lie, she thought to herself.
Her mind soon went blank.

The motherless boy walked through the streets of Berlin,
Alone, but guided, but instinct,
through the long red district,
You'll find your mother here,
He was told. He found her here, there, everywhere,
His little boy eyes, were never so wide,
full of unspeakable things, as they laughed,
and he died inside,
"Your mother," Said the ******,
"Why she
'Tis but a lie."

The old man was in his bed. Alone.
He thought back to all those years ago.
From the streets of Berlin,
to the wife he beat out,
to the whiskey he enjoyed, on the bar that night,
Had he ever been happy?
He thought long and hard,
and a tear almost tore out but,
he smiled, told the shadow,
"I'm very happy today,
'Tis but a lie,
My whole ******* life,
'Tis but the biggest ******* lie."
And he died, not too long thereafter,
He died and,
Uncaring the world,
kept spinning away.

Write poetry, his heart did tell him.

So he closed his eyes and described a tree,
But it's verdant leaves built upon great,
Amber seams. Did not settle the ache.

In fact the more his minds eye did capture the veins coursing, Pre-written, as if trapped by fate, so too did he feel more empty.

The harder I sought to hold the feeling of the wind, cool and comfortable, like a child's blanket, on that warm day.

The deeper I needed to tell the world, or just a someone, how the city lights gleamed upon the burgundy sunset, how right it felt to be there in that moment as the world changed, just so before me.

The desire continued only more, the hunger it would not stop, it was ravenous, as I idled by thinking of how to capture the light in her eyes, even as my heart now breaking, like raging waves upon land anchoring some apple dangling, twisting, and snapping back just out of the wrathful sea.

But the fruit of knowledge isn't for me. Even if I were to have it, never could I see. I'd be blind, even with omnipotence, ah even with her praise... I'd just smile for a little while... but then... I'd get hungry.

How can I get it back, how can I trade my love in word? No when I can only paint the shades of black. When I want the horror and lust, and not the beautiful rust, of words and ink bleeding on the page of, just... I don't know.

My metaphors ran out. I guess my hunger won out because they say at the end you don't starve anymore. You're delusional and delirious and the endorphins and your mind finds peace, and the emptiness that lies beyond.

Ah because that's where I am now. The place which poetry has given me. A gift or a curse. I know not anymore to decide.

Today… I had a dream,
But I was not quite sleeping.
Truly awake, yet not quite being.
I saw what I wanted to see,
What I loved most about her.
That we were together, the way she wanted.
And still, to this very moment I am haunted.
She’s with me even now, if just by spirit.

And what did I see, you beg to ponder and ask?
I saw a wife, more gorgeous than light and I basked.
And the years changed, numbers tick tocking,
Her belly swelled and faded, with our numerous babies,
As she smiled and begged for more.
They are so darling, so sweet, well behaved, and most loved.
I saw the band on he finger shine with age, as she too grew and faded.
But it was not sad, it was a joyous occasion.
Because I did too, I changed with her mating.

The hardest part about this dream, this vision,
Was that it is years and times away,
And I have to wait to get my dream girl.
As we plan our honeymoon, marriage and life.
I speak for myself when I say I want it tonight.
Humbly, I am the envy of most men you see,
However, she denies them for their plain interest,
In only her body.
But it’s her soul that calls to me.
It’s her love that breathes life within me.
I was dead but now I am alive and found.
Whenever she tells me she wants my name,
And our child inside. I smile hard, and my toes curl,
In delight of the idea, the morsel of hope.

I don’t know how she loves,
Such a poor average man like me.
But I promise that from now until my dream,
I will not stop doing the little things,
To show I care.
I will not forget to ask about her day,
Or smell her hair.
To others, to those not in a relationship,
This would be creepy and misunderstood.
If you have been IN love like I have,
You’ve done the same as I would.
Now let me explain, for one last second if I may,
How beautiful this girl of my dreams stood.
Her character and willingness,
To love as I should bursts out of her light cool hood.
We stand together, but she is far the greater than I ever could.
But her love makes me her equal in passion and clout.
Though to cloud nine she sends me,
With her reign I go, she is the boss, the queen,
My everything.
My dream.

She talked to me today.
Why, I’ve made so many mistakes.
It hurt so much when she revealed them.
But today… today she redeemed them.

With just her words, on my cellular device,
Telling me everything’s cool, and genuinely interested,
She laughed and acted as she knew me.
And something beyond joy, beyond happy overthrew me.

Its not love, at least I think it not,
She’s already denied me, and I guess that’s alright.
But sometimes late at night, I find myself thinking and perhaps hoping,
That’s we’ll play 20 questions again, and we’ll go back to the beginning.

She’s so ****, and ******.
Her curves like the fire bending out from the sun,
Warm. Too hot.
It melts me just thinking about them.

I wanna feel her, inside and out.
Maybe its plainly ******, maybe not.
She can make me so glad, and so disappointed,
Not in her, but myself, and the failures I’ve created.

But I guess its okay.
Because today she talked to me.

"Tug, tug, tug" said the weights on my heart,
oh snug snug snug, with a smile and a hug,
did the chains gleefully entreaty,
On some days you'll feel the pain and self-hate,
But most of the time you will be empty,
Smug smug smug,
Me or these bands I breed?

Oh I wonder, I wonder, I wonder,
I think about it now and then, my sweet,
How it feels to love many,
Love so openly,
Looking in the hollow shells and finding the sick treat,
Nothing is fonder, fonder, fonder, on me
Than rejecting my own destiny.

I can go less and less as the years get colder, colder, colder,
The hot sun shines a little less,
And the snow makes me more than a little numb,
A white void, a sign post saying, darkness approaching,
I smile a little happy, depression now encompassing,
Au revoir, and the c'est la vie,
For je t'aime, and everything else,
Lies, lies, lies, and you can stick it up your hiney.

The truth is I am already dead,
Waiting for the sky to fall,
And we never know when we will stop breathing,
But we beg for it bleeding,
The breaking point, the line,
The end of all suffering,
The do or die, die, die,
All that and more my future does not lie,
No instead, my wretched soul,
Is already long gone,
Leaving now only a loud heart,
And the incessant sounds going,
"Tug, tug, tug."

Ugly bird, you see,
I'm too perceptive for these games,
you Seek.
I can tell in your eyes, within my demons' dream,
That you are many things to many people,
A wish, a woman, a genie, a lover, a slave,
And nothing ever to be possessed or,
To have value, nay,
only fleeting, like the wind, void of essence,
and so I made a decision, long ago,
To let your wind swirl around mine,
Coming and going like nature doth please,
Uncaringly gazing into a cruel,
Empty world.
Fault nothing of yourself,
Just my eyes that are seeing,
My mind that is thinking,
And my heart that has long since,
Stopped beating.

All I ever wanted left me,
So I took it all.
All my lovers betrayed me,
So I ruined thee.
All I've ever known was subjective,
So I really knew nothing.
All my advice was selfish,
So I grinned right throughly.

I'm a wonderful caricature,
of what it means to be human.
Clowned up, and distorted,
that is the vision of me.
But worry not, fair sweet.
I'll be here as you worry and rot.
And I will feed.

I am all six circles of hell,
I am every demon.
I am the lie in the truth,
That glints so eagerly,
In the soft blue eyes of mine,
That can almost... make you feel mine.
Almost, but just out of a trance,
nay nothing ever was, just a circle,
That has never closed, just a cycle that,
has no history, impotent, yet
all consuming, I can't find the truth,
So I'll live in the lies, and they shall be,
The ties that I bind,
myself and others, delicately,
deliciously enjoying the feast,
I provide, alone, in the dark,
talking to those who live,
far far away in here, so that in my hell,
I can reside as king, and feel in control,
or an owner of something.

Yet still I awake,
stilly, I create,
These little poems on my own,
That you'll read on your own.
And you'll think, something but,
It'll be gone abruptly, as if you almost held a star,
but it twinkled unlucky.

Oh cursed soul,
that you be,
something I dont even believe,
In, but in pain filled ignorance,
I lack the eloquency  to describe,
Even a little bit accurately,
This hateful being,
This lie of a perception, I cannot wake from,
A matrix, a coded line, I find myself,
Stuck in,
The suffering of a thousand lives and worlds,
Reaching out to you, reading this,
Lying, lying, as if the words mean,
Anything, anything, No!
Yet then, I always realize circling back,
To the histories invented by past selves,
hence, influencing who I am now,
the dark corners I look forward to in the future,
The lack of resposibility, The blissful youth,
Mixed with the pain of wisdom,
And the teachings and overview,
Of going off a cliff, only to jump back on,
And run off again,
Yet, then, again I find myself looking,
In my heart at the gun, the gun of release,
Oh that I dare say,
all humans should seek.
Crazy, crazy, John,
You are crazy you say,
Aye, aye, as all we are,
Sanity is insane,
Reason is,
2+2=4, Because.
I am the because. I am the order.
I am the chaos, that puts that electron there,
And your synapses connecting there,
Oh I'm the breath you take,
Before that **** and ***,
You faked,
Little one, little one,
I am much older now in lives
Than years, I consume throwing myself away,
The self, the soul, the non existence,
Oh it is existing and it wont leave me,
And all this because,
I saw her kissing that man,
On the cheek.
Alas, that is the bane of every God and Demon,
Since nephlium, To love a human,
A mortal, the code in the matrix,
The variables for the x,
That turns your reason and logic,
Into guess work and soulbreak,
I drone on,
Where is the end,
That is the point! Dr. Seuess,
Take your money back, I know the places I will go,
Oh I've seen it now for a while, and boy do I fear,
The blank page, the unwritten line,
The truth that I've been trying to hide,
From who?
I've lived long enough.
I would like to die.

Upon a moonless night,
The man among the dreary horse,
Cried a lonely tear and said.

To die a lone be the best of dreams,
In this cold and blue night.
The void is fulfilling my loneliness.
Come and listen to it sing.

For songs will be sung, true and untrue,
And voices will silence into one.
When I sleep I fly, but in this earth I’m bound to die.

Rescue me then, O lord of the Dead,
Beelzebub take me, I’ll be you’re bride.
And the winter will come again.

Then in a time later when,
The other dream came imagined in,
The lion showed his mane and roared.

How fearful and hopeful the sound reverberating upon my skin.
Sealing doubt cast into the fiery Furness.
Say what you say about depression or doubt.

For there is no better cure
Than to smile all demure,
In the face of hell.

I woke up today,
Wanting to cry,
If only I could get her back,
My subconcious mind cant help but try,
and dream of ways to make my dream come true,

But every time it happens, I wake up wanting to die,
I'll never get her back, I know,
It wouldn't work even if I did,
I guess that is the ultimate sign of failure,
Abandoning the love of your life,
Every time you wake up.

I watch Monster,
And I can see it in myself,
My depression, my recession,
I want to sleep,
Curl up in a ball,
Stop it, make it all stop,
but the ball keeps on bouncing,
And all I can hear, All I can feel,
"Munch Much, Crunch Crunch,
Gobble Gobble, Gulp."

Look at me, look at me,
He says, smiling devilishly,
So attractive, wouldn't you say?
For an ugly chubby excuse of a man?
The laugh, it doesnt end,
But it never reaches him,
The monster inside me has grown this large!
Oh yes, and Johann was such a beautiful name too.
But there was no one left to call him by it,
and let that be a lesson for you.

I'm a ******,
I look at blue skies,
Yearning for gray.

Oh, baby, I'm a ******,
I dream to be great,
and Stick myself in the Mundane.

****, I guess I'm a ******,
I need a woman,
Keep myself well locked away.

Turned out I was a ******...
I loved you so much,
But it led you to profane my...

I've always known I was a wierdo...
Apathy never seemed  anything but pleasing,
Not since I buried my heart,

Now I close my eyes, in front of my friends,
A ******, Unabetted thoughts racing through my head,
It's just another

In the ring the child screamed.
Where in the kitchen his mother and father,
I fear, were at it, now in tears.

Well who would comfort now this boy?

In the night sky a star blinked out.

The sir received the news from a stone faced
Policeman.
The madam was dead.
He was…

Well who would lay in bed with the sir at night now?

In the moonlight, one more light faded away.

The empty woman looked at the miscarriage one time.
The man who was never there was far away.
She wondered if this was good or bad…
As one lone tear trailed her face.

Well who now will make her feel even pain?

The constellations now fade faster and faster these days.

The single astronomer looked into the sky.
A frown adorned his face.
More and more of his friends were disappearing.

Well where did his smile go and who will bring it back?

The moon now shines alone.
It won in the end.

Well?

A simple poem,
Of an Algernon mind,
Once great now low,
Every day I simply love,
A little less.

What do you do,
When your poems just won't rhyme?
When everything you do, just seems weird, out of line.

What do you do,
When that girl you just can't like, cuz it hurts too good,
Thinks you are a freak, an outcast, an ends to a mean?

I'll tell you what I do when I do what I do,
I go right up to that girl and I kiss her brutally,
Take her breath away forcefully, lovely.

I ask them why am I the weird one and not you?
I'm just as insane as anyone of you.
Do inhibitions really serve as such a great divide?

If so then I must simply die.
For I'll never be happy,
I'll never find peace... whatever that means.

Can I just skip ahead to where I'm successful and famous?
I ain't entered a room yet, where I wasn't the smartest one in it.
Whether I act it or not, I'm a very superior person.

But flaws are flaws are flaws,
and of that I have many.
As she walks away again, not even thinking of the pain she's making me.

Its what your deserve I guess,
When you do what I do,
Put up walls of humor, to cry self-serving tears of pitiful sorrow.

A friend came to me,
and showed me some
genuine kindness.
I felt plastic.
My face wasn't right.
My pounds weighed heavily upon
my stone heart.
The alcohol
which brought some lies
in the form of false facade.
burnt away, thought the mask remained
She looked in my eyes
Smiling,
knowing.
I hate the knowing.
Because I know not myself.
And I know all too well.
It is disgusting.
I wanted to tell her everything.
As I bit my tongue
I understand
I interrupted
I'll think about it
I appreciate it.
I listen but don't hear
I can't.
My life story is a burden
I refuse to place on others
This weight I bear.
This depression, always in the back.
She had seen.
Naked. Raw. Open. Exposed. Defeated.
I feel at a loss.
When I know I should have won.
Someone irreplaceable.
Someone I should not love.
But show me that genuine kindness.
Understand. And I am done.
My gift is my curse.
My heart beats for no one.

You heard your music wasn't as good.
You heard your voice wasn't
What it used to be.

You heard your lyrics weren't as raw.
Being healthy was no help.
No help at all.

The Millions faded, and you went from a day,
a way, a life, a future, a time, a moment,
ongoing, growing, building, moving.

And now you're faded.
You're that shirt I've worn for far too many days.
You were told, told.

Oh, but I know,
I'm nothing special myself,
I won't pay your bills.
I won't pay mine.

But at the right moment,
Oh at the right time
Your music,
Was my Possibility Day.
And I told you.
Your music. It's fine.

I laid down,
And puked off the side of my bed,
I felt no better,
So I sat in my hands and cried,
and felt my **** growing on my thigh.
Great, I thought,
Lonely and not bought.
I stood up and fell,
I broke and I melt,
Indeed I ****** and I splurt,
But still my heart did not ****.
I guess the pieces were too tiny,
too embeded in the tears,
The burns sank throughout,
Even into my lonely ****.
The puke that laid upon my floor awoke,
Amassed and made into a form,
What was it, Who are you I said,
It gurgled blood and spoke to my mind,
I am your illness, your future, your past, your present.
Submit as you have and you shall be destroyed,
Struggle more as you would and I shall only laugh.
I saw its face, it became clear.
The beast with seven seven's and one six.
Almost perfect in its imperfections,
The face of my faults a trinity of disgusting.
The life of my mother dead on the floor,
That one cheating *****,
And the girl who I adored and left for nor,
I suppose...
Yes I suppose as I laid down,
Choking now, choking more,
This was all written.
Long, long ago,
In a book I'll never know.

It's that last sound on her lips,
that little whisper on that phone call,
the affection and warmth that lingers beyond.

It's just the way she said you were adorable,
as if you were cared for,
for the very first time,
that maybe you thought to yourself,
maybe this is alright,
you didn't think it then,
you couldn't you were speechless,
powerless, weak,
as of yet untested by the vestiges of time,
of the loss of even that connection that line,
you had no idea of how uncomfortable peace could be,
of how ruinous letting your hear love,
could be. You just didn't know. You couldn't

So you sat there, and smiled, and
you couldn't see your face but you know your eyes shined.
In a light that hadn't been seen before,
That you're unsure if it has ever shined since.
You listen to those light piano keys,
on random youtube videos,
and each and every melody takes you back,
and it's just that last little sound on her lips,
just that last little whisper on that phone call,
The affection and warmth that lingers beyond,
When she said,
"I love you."

"Mother?" Say the child to it's mom.

"Where, oh where, does the platypus come from?"

The woman smiled, and laughed,
and she told the story of where the platypus did come from.
To her sweet, darling, little one.

Once upon a time, there was a duck. And the duck was alone in the forest, because its family had grown up much too much. So the duck went to look for someone, to make his own little family with. The duck just wanted a place to belong, you see.

So the duck went to the lioness and said 'Miss would you like to make a family with me?' But the lioness was proud and scornful, and turned the duck away.

The duck was sad, of course, but he was much more saddened to think that he'd be alone. So he kept on going until he found a deer. But when he asked the deer, she ruefully claimed she already had a family. And that there was no place for a little duck.

So off he went.

He asked a spider, but the spider had a home.

He asked a walrus, but the walrus couldn't be bothered.

He asked a cat, but the cat just laughed.

It came to a time when the duck had asked just about everyone in the forest if they would love him. But right as he was about to give up he came across a stream, and in there a beautiful little otter was there waiting for him.

'Oh wow... uh' the nervous duck said, 'What are you doing there?'

'I'm looking for a way to make a home,' She said, 'I've been looking all day because I'm all alone and quite lonely.'

The duck swaddled and gleefully said.

'Well I don't know if you'll have me, but if there's no one better, you can take me in your stead?'

'But otters and ducks don't go together,' The otter complained.

'And why not? You're a little better under water and I'm a bit better on land. I think we could make a good team!'

'The forest will never accept us,' she continued, but--

'Will you?' The duck interjoined.

The otter sat there puzzled for a moment, and simply said,

'I'll try.'

"And it wasn't easy, my dearest little one. Love never is. It springs up in unexpected ways, and finds you caught unawares. You may find your love in a place you never would have thunk. But it is out there, if you're willing to search for it. I promise you that much."

"But... wait, mom! Where did the platypus come from?"

"Ah. Of course. The duck and the otter went on to have many children, a platypus each and every one. The result of their love was the perfect child, someone who could combine the best of them, and someone who could finally make them a home."

"Wow... mom, that is amazing! I wish I could be a platypus!"

"Hmm? But didn't you know, little one? The otter in that story is me, and you're my perfect little platypus who gave us our lovely little home."

The Mother embraced her child,
as the duck watched at the door, happily forlorn.

Where has it gone?
I used to be good,
I used to be a poet,
Who could fine the words and pick and choose,
I could tell you my story and make it relatable,
I could make you feel any emotion and make it real.
Where has that gone, where is my fire my imagination?
I was the best,
And Please I know, its arrogant but I do not mean to deceive,
Even the famous ones, they bore, but with me everything became lore,
So much accolade, so much triumph,
Born under skill and pain the mightiest,
But it’s disappeared,
From misuse and disrespect.
Hopefully hiding, realistically gone.
There is no magic cure no band aid for my loss, my pain.
Do no be me, do not second guess.
No longer regret, don’t fret.
Just go and write your soul,
Don’t forget it, don’t let it pass,
Release it let the talent and emotions flow.
Because one day it will be gone,
And your lone talent no more.
And your going to be alone,
Without even the words to implore.

They call it guilt, John.
That's what the voice in the dark of the night,
would always whisper upon me.
But I was deaf, so I would never hear it.

Oh, it's just what they'll all say,
"It's not your fault",
That your brother died,
That you're a broken husk of a man.

Worry not, worry not, fair snakeskin,
fair caterpillar,
surely you, too,
will shed your skin and fly, fly away.

But he doesn't get to fly now does he?
No all he exists is,
as a sad, cold face,
dead, under the refraction of light,
that pool's death gleams.

Hmm, but you enjoy this don't you,
John, the voice said to me.
The tragic backstory, the shameless reason.
For such gleeful ecstasy, surerly,
The small price of the lie called brother,
of innocence, of life,
of something you never really had, something you never really lose,
what an even sacrifice, John, what a fair toll,
in fact how favored are you, to so enjoy,
self-flagellation.

I won't tell if you won't, she says, whispered. Why always a she and who? It finishes anyways; whether I want it to...

Spencer died,
So I can have,
my whip in hand.
That is my truth.

Oi, Wisdom,
The price payed,
To exude was too much,
the innocence lost
is just impossible to recover.

Suffering only, And yes failing,
Notice all the wise men though,
Are no longer men of action.
They know better how fruitless,
Their efforts do be.
All they have left are their stories,
In blind hope that someone will listen.

Indeed, I would trade all my wisdom for,
My blissful ignorant self to,
Come back again,
Like an old lover turned round the corner,
Smiling to meet you, coincidentally
Out the river bend.

Worse still, I can tell,
That me has flown off never to land,
Within,
And that I can see my future me,
Losing my current lack of knowledge,
and becoming stubborn on some forlorn path,
Thinking wisely,
This is "right", this is "best",
This is the path of least resistance,
the path of my success,
And oh my intelligence,
And hard-earned, worthless wisdom,
Will coalesce, but still even then,
In just thinking there is a way,
More still will I lose my very same,
Essence.
And that is a true shame.
*******,
Wisdom.
I ought to be young and dumb,
Again.

I woke up still dreaming,
A silly little seeming.
I dropped a cup upon your door,
And your mom to my wonder, beckoned me forth.

She asked questions I must confess,
My mind remembers not but my heart craves, even at rest.
She smiled down knowingly,
and in that, Moment, greedily,
My mind played tricks to give me reason
To find you again, to beckon forth
As if I was ever a prince. And you anything but, a nevermore.

Oh, such, poison, sickly sweet,
In those hazel eyes, and bountiful *****,
In your perfect hair and perfect smile,
That in my dreams a stranger convinces me, it's worth a while.

Oh, broken heart, still beating,
That even yet still needing,
Something from days best forgot,
From traumas that still burn hot.
Go away, I say. Find a new devil to ache.
Nay, nay. Nay.

Ah am I more scared to remember, or more afraid to forget?
And I may never find a lover, not one that's here,
I only look in the distance now.
She's the only one who can get near.
Just me and my regret.
Still just you. My Amanda Dear.

I wonder if there’s another universe out there…
I wonder if the end isn’t really the end but the beginning.
I wonder if this life’s been lived before, and will be lived again.

I ponder if my life has any meaning,
Or if I’m just part of some game.
I question whether God exists, or if he’s just a good liar.

I shudder to think about tomorrow,
It’s easier to forget yesterday.
Have you ever felt this way?

Why can’t it just be that that what always was was.
Why does their have to be a beginning?
Who must there be black and white,
When there’s a rainbow of possibilities out there.

I wish I could wish upon a star,
But no one looks at the night sky.
Its long gone by a people who’ve long forgotten it.

Why does age have to be more than a number?
People get judged for so much they can’t control.
And I know, because I am the executioner.

And past all this, I’m just living.
And I wish I was a better person.
Someone worthy.

Wonders,

Have you ever got lost in the sunset while driving,
Just looking at the beautiful oranges and reds,
Burning in the sky,
Coloring the clouds a dark purple,
And lighting fire in to the clouds.

Have you simply turned your head out the window,
And look at all the leaves on the trees,
With all their colors,
With all their details,
As the light shines so brightly on them?

Have you ever felt completely happy,
Looking at this nature we use so blindly?
Even as you are burning the fuel, that makes its future unlikely?
I wonder if any of you can see what I can see.

Its wondrous if maybe you’d just take a look,
Even through a window, even through the shield,
Its all so beautiful to me.

Depression is the worst of all diseases.
IT never leaves.

I'll write a poem a day,
and maybe that way everything will be
okay.

I'll look up at that oil covered sky,
that peculiar black stained shade of grey,
those wisps of condensation tilled out,
like fields of wheat and
creased tightly through golden streaks,
of setting suns' last gleams,
and I'll sit lack jawed, if just for a second,
and wonder if truly my existence is worth it.

So much doubt running,
so very deep.
Yes, I'll write a poem a day,
as if...
nothing,
really.

Aye,
Eureka, I know my meaning,
Yes I will express that frustration,
of an infinite empty feeling.
That little almost insignificant voice that says to you,
It doesn't matter, none of this is real,
Well for each and every one of you I'll feel,
quite intensely in fact,
that ignominious void,
the elephant in the room,
and with tact and poise,
I'll illuminate it for you,
so you can live, and I can dream,
Sweet fruitful dreams of nothing.

Years later now you are still in my dreams,
so sweet they make me sick and I awake in a
cold sweat. alone. freezing but truly devoid of
all feeling. numb. but nauseous with my traitorous heart
riotously repeating. ba bump ba bump ba bump.
but they never said it would be so fleeting
the one in your life you loved in a world so
misleading following you back into your psyche
your silly boy dreams all these years later
beginning to end and back again the poetic meanings
and you just want to call her a ***** but you can not bring
yourself to stop breathing and start screaming
only darkness is comforting where do you go
to forget you need eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
but mine is only bleeding and my gut is ripping myself open so simply
that I feel like a child teething, bone going through gums cutting
and gnashing and your face your beautiful face and your smile
and laugh and those eyes and your body and your soul and your
****** up heart and mind wrapping around mine but no
years later I still realize everything we had was merely
a Lie.

My dad said,
Son...
one day your gonna want a family,
and it has been the curse of
the male of our line,
to take forever to decide
what they want,
and he gave me names,
examples and dates,
and I nodded along smiling,
seething,
He said,
Baby boy,
Little kid,
Go back to college and i'll pay your debt
as if he wasnt struggling to make ends meet,
as is.

He said, Do this,
or later you will come to regret,
and wish that you did,
and I shook my head.
AND I SAID.
I want to be sane and happy!
I shall have no regrets,
I have much too many!
Life has stolen everything from me,
making me who I am,
someone who finds no shame
in quit.
I have no drive or will,
what is success or money,
But prostitution of the human
driven by the dollar and
Societies judgmental mills
to ostracize those who don't fit the mold,
who don't want to dream,
who don't want to build,
Because being an American it seems,
Is being an individual,
as long as you are an individual,
they want you to be, and if your not,
they are french,
and cest la ******* vie.

And I said,
Dad, You are looking down upon me.
I may want a family, in fact I'd have one today,
if anyone was willing,
But I doubt anyone will love me,
and even if they did, I proclaim,
quite meatily,
We don't need money,
We will get by, the best we can
as everyone else does.
No better or worse.
Just, simply,
existing.
Hopefully,
Happily.

But no, he proclaimed,
you'll want a house some day!
Some where to raise your kids,
At least, if not college,
if that won't make you happy,
come work for me,
sell cars, get a beach house,
as a dad I felt his need to just
give me something,
because as he's never really understood me,
I think he's still always tried the best he could.
And on this, my perceptiveness got a hold of me,
and much to my shame
I Said; Yes.

You know I love you.
You know I care,
You know I’d never desert,
Or leave you scared.

You know I’m not happy,
Unless you are here,
You know I am a disaster,
Without a smell of your hair.

You know I need you,
More than I can bear,
You know I desire you,
It controls me down there.

You know, you know, you know.
But what do I know?
Just that I’m hurt, just that I’m lonely and depressed.
Some people can be happy surrounded in friends, and just be content.
Not me.
No even surrounded, I am alone, just a set piece, a pawn in a game.
And I need a queen to make me a king,
I won’t change till then,
You know.