i loved you like you wouldnt believe
when i lost you i was on my knees
with my future torn away
on a breeze that had become a storm
you were my kite
you had me flying
propelling me forward without trying
lifting me up with a grace and an ease
that belied the load
you have the heart of a lion
wanted what was yours from the moment you arrived
on my doorstep
i was sure that you were mine
because you showed me so
now youre in my thoughts as i lay dying
forever more
until the end of my time
forever yours
next time around ill come and find you
never let you go

wanted to say hello
before my goodbyes
didnt want to die
with these thoughts still inside
so long ago now
i hope you can smile
when our times come to mind
as i smile when the smile in your eyes
comes to mine
for my wrongs i apologise
you were right
to spread your wings and fly
i was so proud
to hear your dreams arrived
i always knew they would

this world ends with me
ill close my eyes
breathe my last goodbye
to this husk of the could have been
retreating inside
winking out like a light
becoming more
than the sum of my humble being
post human
entropy
past and future concentrically
time has no meaning
til darkness eternals curtain
pierced explosively
reveals a new beginning
universal certainty

drunk all the time
balancing out
banging lines
too tired to be trying
to be patient
in work as in life
all alone
or with the wife
on a path
to a situation vacant

because i wanted it
it wasnt for me
nothing i ever wanted
came to be
i wish i believed
in something
anything
i could have faked
until i made it
more real than this reality
ive faced my fears and beaten them
in turn taken a battering
far from fearless
shed my tears
alone in aftermaths
repeatedly
now the ends approaching fast
forcing my hand again
necessity
my mother taught me that
invent after the fact
face your enemy
and try to make a new friend

im hurting
none of it is the pain
excruciatingly
all the same
because of me
the people i care for
are fearful
dying is killing
in my name

the lesson you missed
because oblivious
you were earning
is that while you were feathering your nest
your tree was burning