face the whole ******* world
convince yourself you aren't who you are
i have no ******* idea
and it doesn't matter

shine the lights brighter
******* brighter
blind me
i don't ******* know and i couldn't tell you

can you count the number of times you did it on your fingers?
cry on someone else's shoulder
grind your teeth until they shatter

you should be made to bleed from the mouth
as you spew your ******* garbage
as you spew your ******* garbage

let me crucify you for a change
and show you just what you've done

*******
i took a xanax for you
*******
turning in my grave

i want to prove to you that there is a hole in the earth
and a loophole in all of our laws

i got

i ripped out all my stitches
and i bled on your doorstep
i wanted to prove to you that i have never been coward
that i am nothing less than what everyone expected
that i can live up to embellished standards
that i don't need fixing
that i don't cry in my sleep
that i don't look over my shoulder at least three times before i smoke a cigarette
that i am not becoming a creature of habit more and more every ******* day
that i wish i had no mirrors around here

note from the author:
i have always loathed myself
i can't stand who i am anymore
i am tired of changing
but i need to
i am tired of hospitals
and neutral colors
and pills
and names that i'll forget
i am tired of pretending to be a *******
and not even living up to that

you know i'm sorry
and you know i will be
for a long ******* time

i hope you know who you are
because i've been losing a lot of faith in myself lately
but i hope you know i wrote this to make myself feel better
because no one's hearing me

i hope you know exactly who i am

i have no one but myself to blame
and i have nothing better to do

i can hear a dying bird
at night
in my dreams
i hear the call of a bird with wings that don't work

i listen for it until my heart implodes

two steps forward and seventy five back
a dry heave with each meal

i cannot feel my heart anymore
as it balloons in my throat
i cannot feel my stomach anymore
as the knots bend there way out of my skin and explode on the floor
for you
and only for you

you have created all that you wanted to let go
you have created all that you never wanted to be there
you have created me

my dreams have no meaning
and my life even less

a direction to stand for
or one to move in

i dug a hole in the backyard
and buried everything in my house

i sleep with my hands over my face
i won't see it
i can't see it
i won't touch it
i won't feel it

it is these times
when i feel it the most
it is these times
when i need it the least
it is these times
that i am nothing at all