You looked deep into my eyes
Like you were searching for something
And I hoped you were looking for me
But you were looking for yourself
So I closed them, **** your ego.

I gave you my heart  

But you didn’t realize  

Because piece by piece  

A heart is easy to disguise



But I gave it to you in the strokes

Of my hand on your chest

And in the beating of my heart

When we laid down to rest



I saw the chance and I

Snuck it in through soft kisses

And you didn’t notice but  

I put in in our interlaced fingers



I saw it gather in your eyes

Saw you piece it back together  

I hope you hold onto it tightly

Because you could have my heart forever

You **** me like its love

And I crave your love like

it’s the air I need to breathe  

And so, I use your ***  

to satisfy my needs

When you told me you were seeing someone else,

A familiar sense of curiosity swept over me,

I wondered if it was who I thought  

It would be



I knew, but I could tell myself I didn't know

It was a suspicion with merit, sure

But the confirmation was missing  

Was missing



You made a mistake and told me,

Without really telling me who,

I knew. And now I know

I wish I didn’t

You like them sick,

With an appetite of cigarettes and ****

Yours, to be specific

Small enough for you to scare

But big enough for no one to care



You like them easy,

Freakish in what they’ll do to please

Only you, to be specific

Willing to do everything and anything  

For their all mighty king



You like them dumb,

It’s easier to get away with it that way

For you, to be specific  

Bruises raise less alarms  

When they’re wrapped in your arms



You like them disposable,

Dolls you can interchange whenever you want

For you, to be specific  

When you get bored of her  

Swap her for someone else you’d prefer.

My notes are full of conversations I never had

Not with you,



They contain words unspoken and unheard

But definitely felt



I wonder if you knew they were there

I wanted you to



I wonder if you could read them  

On my face



When I’d cry at night next to you

Did you hear?



Did you choose to ignore the hurt

You caused?



Was it easier for you to pretend  

I was the problem?



I wonder if your disillusion caused you  

To see me as happy

  

If you saw my notes you’d know

I wasn’t.

Not even close.

When I look through your eyes
I can’t see me
Just the shadow of something
... demonic
And when you look though my eyes
You still can’t see me

I stabbed myself in the heart
and asked you to watch me bleed
but that proved too hard
So your eyes averted
And I was left staring at
Your retreating figure
And I bled out alone

You spat knives
That hit my heart
And you shutting your mouth
Didn’t stop the bleeding
I know I’ve stained your soul
But you’ve left irreparable holes
My heart can’t take this
And your mouth tastes like acid
So you kissed my veins
And my blood turned to poison
It burned through me
And you undressed me
To see the damage
I was naked
Nothing but a broken heart
And scarred skin

The water that I love holds me tight
and in my heart, ignites
Everything I think I can be
And all the dreams that make me, me.
The cold water then rushes my head
And fills my whole soul with dread
Of who I had always hoped to be
And how that could never really be me.
It runs down my throat
And feeds me the lifeless boat
Of drugs and pills and anti psychotics
It takes me away from my dreams and heroics
But it keeps me from drowning
And it stops me from downing
So I’ll let the water hold me tight
And find safety,
rather than let myself ignite.

I’m in love with a man
With an unformidable temper
And he loves me
like I’m a punching bag
I’m never prepared when it’s fight night
But I do the best I can
Though he’s Muhammad Ali
And clearly the better man.

He told me he loved me and
I bleed from the heart
He told me that he needed me and
My spinal cord snapped
I told him it was over and
In time it came back,
I came back.

It's no one else problem it's mine my own
I should've just stuck through it all alone
I should've sewn my mouth shut and kept it at that
But instead I had to fight not realising they would fight back
And I tried to do it I really did
But I'm not strong enough to go through with it who am I to kid
I'm weak and that's all I will be
I mean look at me how can you not see
He can take it all **** it let him
I've got nothing left this is my last whim
And so I'm pulling out like they all expected
I'm lay down the gun and let them put it to my head

But instead
I laughed, hard like I used to
And your arms felt like the sand and the ocean
And I looked into you're blue eyes, and I appreciate the different shades
Fighting for your attention,
and you're oblivious to the war waging
Your laugh is the sweetest sound I've ever heard
And your heart holds the beat
And I can't get that song out of my head
And I hope you'll never leave my bed
Because your body is so warm you could melt all the icebergs
And I laugh as I blame you for global warming
Becuse beauty like yours
Beauty that beams from within and pierces the skin of all those you meet
Beauty that expands like a black hole when you smile and I melt
Beauty like you consumes me.

The sun is dragged below a sheet of blue
And all I can seem to think of is you
But I'm sat next to an empty space
In the hopes that he can fill your place
But his eyes aren't the blue that I love
And his smile isn't heavenly sent from above
And he doesn't inspire my to be better
So his friends tell him "give up you'll never get her"
And I can't reassure him of how I feel
Because with him I know it's just not real
I can't tell him how each morning I wake up
And think of all the different ways we can make love
Because love isn't what this is; no
So I'm sorry but because of you, I have to let him go

In the place where dead people come to die
I wait to be seen by someone who can't decide
Wether it's worth it to bother with being nice
Or if it's useless in this place where I have come to die

I'm still learning how to do this
I'm still learning how to trust
It's harder than I expected
But I'm trying not to give up

You see its all so new to me
All these emotions I'm feeling
But no matter what happens to us
It's us I believe in

And I looked at you
As the world drummed out
Around me
And I saw for the first time
My uncertainty in us
In you
In me
In everything
we could ever be
And I realised
I was giving you all I could offer
And if you didn't want it
I would let you
Be my destruction

I would sooner put a knife to my wrist
Then ever again have to feel like this
I'd slice on, through and through
Until my veins were quite red not blue
I'd drain every single last drop
In hopes that this feeling will stop
But know nothing hurts more than the truth

I would sooner put a noose round my neck
Then to admit that she's correct
Than to admit I'm nothing more
Than those word that chill me to my core
I'd rather be found blue and cold
Then believe the words I'm being told
No I'd rather be found,
hanging;

feet from the ground.

How do people do it
This thing this life
I just don't get it
There's no purpose in mine
It's like the sun that rises
Will only fall
And the clouds that cover
Shed tears for us all
The oceans offer safety
In a dangerous form
They offer solitude
Their cold hands seem warm
The trees that surround
Seem barren and bare
For when I look to them
I see my body hanging there

Downstairs awaits me
With warm Chinese food and
A couch otherwise occupied
And I have no desire to
Walk the stairs.

The sun charges through
Blinds that hold strong despite
The danger posed to them and I
Ignore their faded-ness

An empty mug sits beside me
In an unwelcome empty harmony,
Don't look at it. It can will you
To put it in the dishwasher

"I like you"
I wasn't afraid to say
But you didn't like me
And I guess that's okay

There's nothing to be done
And you can't be helped
Because feelings are feelings
And for me, you never felt

So we agree to be friends
But "friends" we do not remain
You ignore my existence
And I ignore the pain

And you'll be my resolution
Because in the end you are the issue
The light in the darkness
The darkness in the moon
Like an unhappy sailor is to his crew
Like the lost paddle is to the canoe
I need you

I think the thing that hurts the most is that I'm not willing to admit I loved you
I think trying to hide the fact
is tearing me apart and you're fine
And you're okay
with seeing me time after time
In the same way
in the same ******* state
And I'll never again look at you
with the same desire
I once held true

And I want to hang from the ceiling
My limp body hanging above the ground
My lifeless skin hung tight
But I don't have the energy to move
Don't have the knowledge to tie a noose
And so I'll stay in my bed all night

And I want to slit my wrists
Have blood rushing out from each cut
My skin, blood red
But I don't have the energy to slice
Don't have a sharp enough knife
And so I'll just lay here and wish I were dead

And I want to be hit by a moving car
Have the driver throw me oh so far
My body dragged along the ground
But I don't have the right
Don't have even half of the might
And so I'll wait for my body to be found

How can this be
You saying you don't want me
And I'll happily
Agree for us to be everything
But I don't want you to see me
Like this
So I play it off,
Lay it off
Take if off
The layers of my skin peel
To reveal
Me; the utmost form of who I hold true
And you; the utmost form of
"I don't want to use you"

Does the cost of love change as you travel state to state
Does it go up like gas prices do but only on weekdays
Does it have a good exchange rate or is it all the same
Is it worth more at swapmarts when sold to those in pain
Does the cost of love change as you travel state to state

I was a bushfire, lit by the sun;
Ravaging through the foliage
Igniting the masses with a spark
Carried along by the wind

I was the ocean currents
Creating rips pulling you out
Taking you with me
An irresistible force

I was the cliffs, along the seaside;
Framing the beauty below
Protector of the sacred waters
Daring you to jump in

I was the trees that hold through storms
Giving you shelter; offering safety
Completely one of mine own
Each branch reaching for the sky

I was the violent wind
Pushing you forward, backward
Pushing you to push against me
Or be taken by my ferocity

I was your everything and it hurts
To think you've given up on me
No sun, current, cliff, tree or breeze
Will ever set you free

I think the world will drown in my tears
That's how it'll end
I think the world will burn with my fury
That's how it'll end
I think the world will shatter with my screams
That's how it'll end
I think the world will crumble under my feet
That's how it'll end
I think the world will break along with my heart
That's how it'll end


I think the world will end
But let us remain

You care about cars
And you care about bras and bars and breaking girl's hearts
But mostly you care about cars

Maybe it's the 4 wheels
Because the 4 wheels are the most you've ever had in your life
And they're the sturdiest thing you got isn't that right
And those 4 wheels don't stop at traffic lights
I think those 4 wheels will take you to heights that
Your legs couldn't

Maybe it's the engine
Because that engine is the only resource you've got for warmth
That engine will carry you through the toughest terrain
That engine will never let you down again
Because you know the cranks more than you know anything
That engine is what's keeping you going

And so you care about cars
And you care about bras and bars and breaking girl's hearts
But now I can understand why you care about cars

I was a bushfire, lit by the sun;
Ravaging through the foliage
Igniting the masses with a spark
Carried along by the wind

I was the ocean currents;
Creating rips pulling you out
Taking you with me
An irresistible force

I was the cliffs, along the seaside;
Framing the beauty below
Protector of the sacred waters
Daring you to jump in

I was the trees that hold through storms
Giving you shelter; offering safety
Completely one of mine own
Each branch reaching for the sky

I was the violent wind
Pushing you forward, backward
Pushing you to push against me
Or be taken by my ferocity

I was your everything and it hurts
To think you've given up on me
No sun, current, cliff, tree or breeze
Will ever bring you back to me

And I'll never not be sad
About the way the world has turned
From bad to worse
In a matter of moments

And I'll never not be sad
About the way that people
Are able to judge each other
And create a lesser equal

And I'll never not be sad
About my freedom being denied
Because of the way my hips
Make me prey at night

And I'll never not be sad
For the people who can't be
The boys taught emotions are weaknesses
And the homes left empty

And I'll never not want to leave
This horrible place I call home
For my existence is sad and Lonely
Though I am anything but alone

His voice is enough to ignite the fireworks in my chest
O' his words are enough to bring me thoughts of yellow
Thoughts of him; of him of him of him
and the cruelest thought of all
That yellow is the flowers to be laid at my casket

I stayed up late
to talk to you
You invited me to a party
that I couldn't come to
I couldn't get there
And you never offered a lift
All you said was hurry
Please come quick
I said goodnight
You didn't reply
I took it as your drunk mind
Taking its time
But when you still didn't
I began to wonder
Maybe I'm in the wrong
Maybe I made a blunder.

You drew blood and I called it paint
As though these veins hold art
And you were creating a masterpiece
To be hung up in my heart

There’s a world out there,
I am yet to see
Where birds and bugs
Wait patiently.
It’s inhabitants
Don’t hide from the rain
But rather bathe in
Their disdain.
Trees are abundant
And make music; solace
And the animals gather
To hear the sound; flawless.
There is an icy stealth
That settles over
But there are no worries
Ice doesn’t make it colder.

Hold her close, she ‘s no one else
Just for a moment, then leave her to herself.
Warm her hands, only to have them cool
Kiss her mouth, leave the drool.
Tell her lies, then block her ears
Tell her you love her, then tell her no one cares.
Freeze her heart, shatter the ice
Pick up the pieces,
You
Are
Her
Vice

I entrusted my sanity in your eyes
Your ******* eyes held my mind
But when you blinked, uncertainty entranced my worrisome mind
And I found myself justifying your eyes; shut, closed, empty

I entrusted my morality in your hands
Two ******* hands held my morals
And you knew it too, so you let go of me
And I found myself desperately clinging to the edge of a cliff, no longer your hands

I entrusted my hopes in your chest
Skin and bones and my ******* hopes
But you exhaled more often than I expected
And I found my hopes drifting further, further away

I entrusted my dignity in your vertebrae
I guess your ******* back was broken, carrying my dignity
It did enough to carry your head high
And I found myself offering to fix it so you could carry more than just mine

I entrusted my happiness in your bowel
Fit so ******* perfect, my happiness in you
But you happened to be so full of ****
And I found myself now wanting my happiness back

We made assumptions based on daisies
and tied our hair in bows,
sold ourselves without a price tag,
to those we didn't know.

The world is round,
but it's edges are sharp.

You could scream my name into the abyss,
and I still wouldn't believe it meant more than this:

That it meant more than the way you hold my hips,
That it meant more than the way we kiss,
That it meant more than you're eyes locked in mine,
That it meant more than all of our time combined,
That it meant more than a bunch of letters,
That it meant more than just to make you better,
That it meant more than you're desire to touch me,
That it meant more than the skyline above me,
That it meant more than the fingers intertwining,
That it meant more than a dark silver lining.

That it meant more than the way you tell me you love me.
That it meant more than the how easily you shrug me
off.

They walk as though each step might be their last,
Like the ground might disappear underneath their feet
And oblivion will swallow them whole, in one mouthful

Their eyes are a faded shade of sadness,
Like all the tears in the world have dimmed the
Sparkle that once caught light in the blackest night

They mumbles words of wisdom to an ambivalent crowd
Like the advice might cause indiscretion in
A room full of certainty and over assured egos