You make me burst out in tears.
Joy, sadness, and love.
I am overwhelmed
each and every time
I see you.

The Butterflies return
Time after time.

Your chin so prominent,
Your smile so bright,
Your eyes so entrancing.

An embrace like no other,
Warm, filled with love.
Awkward and uncomfortable.

Kisses soft, hard, slow, fast.
Intense.

You pretend to be, things you are not,
But inside I see your love, compassion,
Fear, sorrow, joy.

Giggles like a child ring true from your mouth,
as I softly tickle your tanned, speckled belly.

Wrapped in your arms,
a caterpillar in a cocoon.
Safe, sound, secure.

We yell and we cry.
We kiss and we smile.
We hurt and we heal.

You are mine,
I am yours.
No matter who has loved you,
or who will love you when we part,
The love that pours from my heart,
for you,
Will continue until I cease to.

You make me laugh,
cry,
scream,
shudder,
in joy, anger, despair, love.

You lift me from the abyss that is my mind.
You remind me why I want to be alive.

I like ink,
and  I like chicks,
and I like ink mixed with skin,
but I also like skin,
with only sweat mixed in.

you check on me many times a day
with my antique ears
I hear your squeaking shoes
on these vinyl floors
someone laid for those who came before
like passengers on a stalled bus
with windows that allowed only one view

I know you and I wait for the same thing
for you to check on the passenger who replaces me
he will be no different
a few more hairs, perhaps a few less stares
you will gently place your hand on his wrist
write in his chart, and maybe
glance at the date of birth,
do the mindless math
and wonder without wonder
if my replacement will have a bigger number than I

but I am still here
gazing at your angled eyes
while you count the beats
which slow a little each day
waiting for you to say
how long will this one last?

don’t worry, squeaking vinyl floor walker
when my drum stops pounding
I will try to make sure it happens
while I am asleep

I am a pretender...
Pretending my life is all okay
Putting the bad things on a shelf and put away
out of sight...out of mind

I am a pretender...
Why yes, that was the best two minutes of my friggin life
yes I was able to finish too honey, are you happy now I did
my duty as your wife

I pretend for you, I pretend for me
Of course you didn't see what I needed you to be

I pretend for you, I pretend for me
Who wants to always wear their heart on their sleeve
not me

I pretend for you, I pretend for me
Always trying to pretend that I am so very happy

If you want I will show you my ugly face
Let you see all the dark, in my darkest place
but, no one really wants to see all that

I learned to pretend to get me by
the truth hurts....it is just easier to lie

Today, somebody's words awoke the ashes of my long dead heart
I know that was much more than mere fictional ink spilling out of a creative mind
I forgot how that felt, years back, you know, emotions
it reminded me of the excuses I gave to myself
for running away from relationships
for choosing to live alone
for not meeting my friends often
for not talking to my family for over a minute
for deciding I am simply not meant for marriage
and certainly not for ever having kids
their hurt, hurt me
and it felt like more than I could take
so I chose unattachedness over fragility
somehow, that strategy doesn't forge too well here
I am too seized by words to even try to be nonchalant towards my current better half
towards strangers over family
the rust has been removed from over my bemired emotions
pragmatism has been thrown to the dugout
those words have left my haven purged
and I am left befuddled, meditating over a paradox
They aren’t my carks, yet, I can't stop feeling them.