a snow fell across the land
like stars through the sky,
covering both the ground
and our minds
in a sweeping grey
of uncertainty
and failed attempts
at reconciliation

What could have been me
Floats within the grey mush
Of my mind as two blocks down
Not unhappy tears rush
From your eyes and maybe she
Could finally be free;

Positive and negatively charged
Atoms attract one another
But the metaphor fails time's test
Which always will smother
Any trace of poetic ambition or love
Not hyperbolized or enlarged

Like the sky through which
Meteors fall tonight
But everything is just far
Too polluted with light
For even the brightest to shine
And show me how to stitch

A lost love together again
'Cause it's like a heart upside down
And in order to turn it
All the way, clear around
I'd need energy I don't think
I can muster with my pen

I'm not sure
Whether to fill this first page
With visions of you.
Because even as
Your heartbeats resonate
Within each stroke of my pen,
To love you any longer
Would be like sitting here
Sunbathing under clouds,
Denying myself
The human necessity
Of truth

I drive away
From the front porch
Of my life
And I look back
Across the almost grey
Dying grass of that lawn
And I can't believe
That I ever stood there
Imagining myself in your place

But as my car
Idles in that driveway
Failing to reverse
Out of that old stretch
Of black pavement
Which used to lead to home
I picture myself

I'm walking across
That raggedy carpet;
Stepping across
That white tiled floor;
Opening up that fridge
And sitting at the dinner table,
Drinking red wine
But then

The gears shift
And I'm turning away
From the only house
You could afford
After your greatest lie
Became a truth

And now
I'm looking towards
A grey horizon:
My life an impossible pattern
Of re-occurring themes:
Yellow lines passing me by,
Stolen grey sweatshirts
Leading me home

And everything
Leading me towards
An uncertain variation
Of present blue

But the road is a loop
And soon
I'm back where I started-
Right back with you
Idling in that driveway
And wondering
How come I couldn't
Have just let
That glass of red wine
Be my last

Sighing slowly I walk
Back into your home
And I lie to you
Like you lied to us because
Across our generations
Lies an entirely
Too plausible
Palindrome

though you don't know it
we both think
of the same thing
when we hear
that song-
that song  that plays
in between glasses
of red wine
(which help
to get you through
your day)

every time
we hear it
i'm reminded
(as i laugh with you;
sip from your glasses
filled with your
red wine)
that you're

an *******

and i'm sorry
that this wasn't
what you wanted-
in fact
i know
that the first time
you heard that song
in the context
that we hear it in now
you were smiling
(the smile
of a man in love)

but when i hear it now
i'm reminded only
of a man out of love
(a man
who has lost everything
but pretends
to have lost nothing)
and i'm sorry
that that man

is you

In this little oasis
Of pizza and donuts
Dinners last
For four hours and
For seven
Glasses of wine.

Nested quietly
Between reality
And fiction,
The lake
Doesn't seem
Quite as polluted
As it really is-
And you can sit around
On your ***
For sixteen hours a day
And still feel productive
Because all you have to do
To be happy here
Is be.

I just hope
That this place
Where I've learned
To be myself
Will never become
The place where I once
Learned to be
The person
I used to be-
I don't want
These long summer days
To ever be past.

I want
An endless future
Of dinners that last
For four hours and
For seven
Glasses of wine.

the last time my mom
didn't see me
on my birthday
was years ago
and i cried
because she couldn't
put up with my dad
for even one day;
not even for a day
that wasn't about them
at all
not even for a day
that was about me

and my mom felt so bad
because she knew i had cried
so she saw me the next year
and the next year
and the next year

but this year
this august first
i encouraged my mom
not to come
because i can't put up
with her and my dad
for even one day;
for even one day
that's not about them at all
not even for one day
that's just about me