i stood
                   right on the railing
               of our bridge
                         that crosses the river
             this is
where i stood
                                for twenty minutes
                                considering the idea
                                of jumping
i thought
everything through
how (if) people would miss me
what their reactions would be
how they'd blame themselves
                and i knew
things weren't bad enough
(not yet) for me to die
                    people might not depend on me, as such
                            but people would blame themselves
and the exact same thing
would happen to them
as what happened to me
when he ended his life
                                                          how could i do this
                                                          when i know
                                                          first hand
                                                          how it felt
                                                          knowing he died
                                                          and i wasn't able
                                                          to do anything
        no, i can't
i'm not desperate enough
not yet
                    i'm trying
                    to get better
                    before i'm too sad
                    to live

eight, nine
nine, eight, nine
Hello, father, spare me a dime,
and pay the mime with
five landmines;
******* the bridge if
we've got time.

Appalachian Yeti-man:
set fire to the trashcan.
Call me hobo-stan,
and if the beard fits
grow it.

Show it;
show me the D.
Dentistry,
stay with me;
Explain for free:
"Dichotomy
of the mind"
thoughtfully,
for a time.

Robot-o me,
Mr. Oregato.
Set phasers to ****
stunningly.
Make fun of he
for bad grammar
and intellectuality.
He dumber;
me smarter.
She's aderall;
I'm martyr.

Destroy my innards,
Captain.
I need them not.
She leaves me rot,
and he feeds me Scott.

Scottie doesn't know
that Fiona and me
eat him in a van while
he's sleeping.
Cannibal,
call me Hannibal,
and she's the Jane to my
Tarzan,
pulling the fruits of
my loom.

Even the idea was worthy of a fight
and all too much preparation.
We dolled ourselves up for alienation,
even though the faces present
were so familiar and etched into memory.

Who are you Mr.Cool?
If that is your real name.
Whiskey breath and filterless smokes
only impresses the girls in the movies,
with scripts written by clueless men
like you, who can't supply injury
so they bring only insult.

You are a secretary bird,
a mime, and the copycat kid.
Trying to be a bad boy and hide
amongst the spoiled brats you claim.

Keep on burrowing and severing ties,
ravishing resources leads to ruin.

You say you've heard rumors?
Well, I've heard facts.
I've seen facts!

Your parasitic disguise will crumble
under the weight of your genuinely selfish persona.
While the company I keep will only know
the side you wished to reveal
in front of all the pretty boys and girls.

I collect clouds
They belong to you
Chaotic and sprouting youth
Trying to make you love me
Come travel my spine
Drift into my dreams

My tattered fingers are the stems of peace
I'll be your anchor when you need
When I first saw your arctic eyes I was in disbelief
As a kaleidoscope  thundered in my heart
Your anemic strips of hair disheveled and free
Your face a porclein ivory with lips I think I knew
As my tongue tangled inside my own
The very warmth of your words perforated my wind
I still envision your lips generous yet new

I read your words
Combinations of
Combinations of words
Combined
In a way that is uniquely
Yours.
I find it awe-inspiring
Truly.
You make me want to
Cry.
When I hear your feelings
Expressed so beautifully.
Your worries
So sincere.
It makes me worry
Which makes me stop worrying
Because it shows me that I
Still care.

How do you mourn for someone who hasn’t died?
For someone that’s alive and well,
And worst of all – without you.
How do you let go of something
You swore to hold onto?
When you build someone up in your mind
It’s so hard to demolish what you’ve created.
I’ll pretend I don’t know who you are
The next time I see you around town.
I’ll pretend I’m not jealous
When I hear you’re with wife and child.
I’ll pretend I don’t hope you’re a wreck without me.
        And I’ll pretend I didn’t mourn.

I'm just in bed
And you're asleep on the screen
In front of me your lips a cupids bow
(I don't remember them like that Are you new?)
Your eyelashes long on your cheeks your cheekbones smooth
The line from your sleeping mind to the parenthesis around your lips subtle,
Uninterrupted.


It's 6:03 AM, sure
I'm going to the doctors in 3 hours.
I haven't slept yet.
(You're beautiful when you sleep)
I haven't slept yet.
(The sky is dark blue outside)
I haven't slept yet.
(Are you threatening me?)
I'm imagining I'm in your arms.

This is how it would be, listen now:
Puffs of hot air into my flossy long hair
And I'll sigh because you're making it greasy
(But not move because I know you like the smell of my shampoo)

Your arm will be underneath me
Threaded under my left shoulder
(I'll wonder if it's uncomfortable)
(I won't move because I like this neverending hug)

My legs will be over yours, like I'm sitting in your lap.
(You'll grind me in your sleep like you usually do)
(I'll wake up sleepy-***** with your ******* pressed against me)
(I'll swat your hands away when you 'unconsciously' try to take my pants off)

I haven't slept yet you know
Because I'm saving up for that
(When you come back)
And our sleep then
(And all the extras)

I haven't slept yet, okay,
I'm waiting for you.