and then-
just when I’ve finally recovered from you
just when I’ve finally let you go
you sweep me up again

maybe this time I won’t turn to dust
maybe I’ll crumble until I’m a particle so tiny
I just float away

my skin is burning crawling
it knows more than i ever will
my skin has taken quite the beating
but at least I can see
the bruises
even though
i may never know where they came from

sometimes I
don’t brush my teeth
because I’m too depressed to move

but sometimes

I don’t brush my teeth
because I want to taste
you over and

over and

running through the pouring rain
while lightning pierces the sky (like

ribbons in the hair of a child
smiling and beaming with youth
I wish she could stay young forever)

I dream as the seams of my dress
      cling to my skin

I feel the sun just

kissing just touching

just drinking out

my in     -sides

until I am nothing

but ivory

bones and sunlight

sometimes I want to drive my car into a lamp post

just to feel the impact

or to feel anything at all

it's too cold for this time of year

I stand alone,
entranced by the sun
confined by my own resistance

Infinite love and hate concomitant
adhere to my bones,
trickle from my pores.