I heard your heart,
the heart of a young wife,
loving, hoping, trusting,
bearing the shock of scorn
from the one who should have
cherished you, and whom
you wanted to love and respect
as your Lord.

I heard your heart,
abandoned, alone,
unloved by the one who had promised
to care for you always,
the heart of a young mother,
bearing burdens alone
that were made to be shared,
as you reached out to share
joys and fears of raising
precious children,
and finding no resonant heart,
beating with yours
in strength, joy, and pride.

I heard your heart,
when you cried, "Why, Lord?
What have I done?
I will still love and serve him,
for Your sake, but
I was made to be one flesh,
to share everything in Your presence
with the man You gave me.
Did You not give me this man?

Why, Lord, is there only pain,
emptiness and loneliness,
where You meant for there to be
unity of heart and spirit,
friendship, respect, joy,
and love, Your love,
sweet, tender,
unconditional forever?

I have offered him all I have,
all I am. He despises me
and my offering.
May I offer my love
devotion, and longing
to another who will
value and return them?"

And God said, "Yes, my beloved.
He would not receive my
most precious gifts,
offered again and again
through your devoted heart,
and so he has judged himself
unworthy of them.
You have given your all,
selflessly.
I will give you
the desires of your heart,
because I love you,
and your happiness
is My happiness.
I always hear you, my beloved.
I hear your heart."

Depression darkening.
I see our sin and it is sickening.
Every story is the same.
There is only one.
And it is true.

We all have a choice.
And we all choose the samest.
Thou mayest indeed.
Making mistakes over and over again.
Nothings changing.
Just new scenery.

We eat that apple every day.
And like God I’m feeling the urge for a flood.
But I want to live in a world without Him.
Without an excuse for our actions.
Humanity is illness
For every good a thousand evils.
Even with hope peeking out in
Timshel.
We choose evil.

I choose evil too.
I’m no better.
I feel rage, bubbling inside.
The glint in my eyes as I grasp at my sister.
If only I could **** her.
But instead it’s hits I give.
She’s begging for it.

Then there is the man.
Whose face and likeness I openly mock.
And I feel my place in society.
As those above mock me.
I don’t feel much pleasure,
Though I smile and laugh.
Only empty.
With a glint in my eyes shinning.

And as I take a bite of the apple.
And knowledge comes into me,
East of Eden.
Guilt comes into me.
And I see myself in them.
Now I’m just left in the sadness of life.
And I wonder if anyone thinks like I think.
If anyone else knows what I know.
If those people are still living.
Or if we are all continually dying.

For there are people cosumed in their own darkness.
And people hiding flaws in laughs,
And  people staring in the stars seeing tears,
But can anyone see the universal.
Can anyone see the hoplessness
Of it all?

That if it was just you, you alone who was with blackness,
Then it would be better soon.
But no it’s us all,
We all are hurt.
We all hurt.

Who knows. Maybe I just do not see the saints.
Or I see them and do not understand.
To me the balance is broken.
No yin only yang.
Hell, maybe I’m broken.
No happy ending.
Only continuing.