When I was young I wrote poetry to analyze my life.
I felt I had to question everything to figure out what's right.
(Now I know there's no such thing as right & wrong)
Then life got busy, I had children, parties, sports
life became a routine of sorts.
  My Passion, poetry seemed to drift away,
occasionally, I dreamed I had time for it to stay.
I felt as though I had become mature, it was something
I should have outgrown.  The Lord kept the passion deep in
my heart, one day to be shown.
  Then one day a terrible accident occurred to me.
I was T-***** by an F-150.  
I believe it was meant to be!
  Yes, it brought me into a new land of torture and
Oh, so much pain,
10 broken ribs, ruptured spleen and my pelvis was fractured in 7 places,
but truly it does come to gain!
No, I did not receive a dollar amount or any kind of pride.
I did truly realize my loved ones are always by my side.
  I had many days and nights to lay still, in pain, and
realize my painful blessings in life are a true gain.
  I did not think about poetry
I laid there in pain.
At that point I did well just to sustain.
  Then I started feeling spells of Deja vu,
yet, they lasted even longer than I would ever have wanted them too.
  This went on and on for quite a few years.
Many months after all of my bones miraculously healed
I consulted with Doctors who gave me meds that led me to tears.
During this time, fear began to grow in my veins,
it grew so strong, I felt I could not sustain
Then I started to have Grand Mal seizures, at last!
I know, it sounds like I'm happy about that, well,
at least I finally knew what had been happening in the past.
  I found an awesome neurologist at UT Southwest,
references said, he is the best.
  I felt like a lab rat when they set me up in a room,
put a camera upon me for days on zoom.
the point was to see what part of the brain was damaged.
To see if there was any way possible to get the seizures managed.
Electrodes were placed all over my brain, camera, recording, and an I.V. of fluid to sustain.
They took me off all those seizure meds and shined strobe lights
in my eyes, to promote seizures in my brain.
  My husband and my son were there by my side,
I was scared to death, yet I still had pride.
I did not want them to see, what was about to happen to me.
  My husband stepped out to eat some food and I was relieved
because anger was building and I was rude!
My son said he had to go study for his exam in college and I
was relieved, I did not want him to see me lose my mind, for I know that is what happens when I have a seizure every time!
He looked at me in my eyes and said "Mother, can I pray for you
before I go, because God is the only one who can save you and this I know." He said a prayer right then and there. He gave me a message toward God you see, and that is just where I need to be. Then he left to go study and the Holy Spirit joined me.
  My husband came back and I sent him home. I told him there was nothing he could do and I should be alone. I told him to turn out
the lights as he left, kissed him goodnight and said sweetdreams.
  The fear I had gently lifted away as he closed the door, I began to pray. I asked Jesus to be with me and for forgiveness of sins and I felt a
wave of Peace rise from within.
It felt as if I was lifted by a warm blanket all around and the fear of seizures left without a sound.
  I had 9 severe seizures on camera that night, I don't remember it all, but I'm sure the ones watching had quite a site.
  The outcome was that I was a great candidate for temporal lobe surgery, which I had six months later and it has cured me!!!!!!!!!
  BACK TO THE POINT that motivated this long poem,
my mind has completely changed!!!!
Now I see life optimistically, it's  a wonderfully, joyous experience,
even the ruff stuff, I HAVE TO EXPRESS GLEE

hacking the cloud
to paint the sky

- code in words
gets the color
down between the lines -

beneath the verse -
perfectly - poetically

- subversive.

r ~ 10/19/14

Sometimes people are so quiet
They are almost invisible
It can take days
Before they realize they have been noticed

Sometimes people are so scared
Of being hurt again
It can take months
For them to say "hi" back

Sometimes people are so sure
No one will ever love them
It can take years
To unbury their hidden self

Sometimes it can take moments

There are days
I try to think
   Of what to write
Then I blink
It starts to sink
Into the drink
No more ink
Flow, just a stink
There is no ink
From word to word
As
I try to think
There are days.

It was a dream and we embraced it children fresh to play no time frame or end in sight.
As in those first stages we understand no remorse or pain simply the pleasure of time shared life truly turn's it all to **** in time my dear .

We laughed in those awkward moments of want and the cravings of pleasures unknown .
In moments I reflect between my personal haze so far the distance so bitter the man I can no longer understand to  be myself.

In the eyes your innocence met life's sunset and I watched you become cold with are  emotions  winter.
Now empty I write as in other circles you breath to suppress yourself to none but me.

I remember the night together the walks down empty streets now that resemble myself pain doesn't fade it  simply is masked by actors whom choose to pretend rather than exist.

Would you trade skill for happiness ?
The page I exist as I suppress everything that resembles a life.
It's always loaded I just haven't the ***** to take the ride .

Empty is the park as strangers now walk a ***** that's pitfalls stand without warning I wish you luck and hate the thoughts that you bring back to me I never stop thinking just choose to drown in the misery for others to enjoy.

I never forget I simply just mask what it is I never could  
Ignore .

                                        Goodnight .

A few miles feels like we are oceans apart,
Battling against a tide of cars and trains
To reach your arms,
Even when we are beneath the same quilt,
It feels as if the rolling waves of creased bed sheets
Separates us from being connected,
I wait patiently, On the cliffs edge of a station platform,
For the sails to catch the fume stained wind of another train engine,
To be hurtled through fields that burn beneath the sun,
Past speeding cars and clouds that drift peacefully
Across the vast skies that echo adventure and longing,
Only to reach the final destination of your safety.

you were so beautiful
the first time he told you that you
were too big for any man to handle
you were so beautiful

when he told you your stretch
marks were ugly so you cut them open
they were only evidence of you growing, becoming
now there's only the proof that you are lost, not knowing
you are something so beautiful

even though I know the heart
shaped bruises covering this
body do not feel like love bites
even though this body does not feel like yours anymore

even though he left you shaking
on the bathroom floor just trying
to find the strength to lift you
head to the toilet to ***** some more
you are so beautiful

even though this body
your body
has been empty for so long
you are so beautiful