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Jenni Apr 2015
I gave up my voice
To make you happy
Maybe if I'm silent
I can pretend nothing's wrong

"You're such a fish out of water"
You say
"No one else would want you"
I believe

I used to love singing
Until you told me my voice was flat
I keep my mouth closed these days
"Silence is fine," I tell myself

I used to take walks on the beach
When I was young
That's where we met

I haven't been to the beach in a while
Now, for some reason,
The smell of the salt air
Makes my stomach turn
And the sound of the waves
Makes me flinch

It's fine, though.
Everything's fine.
Jenni Apr 2015
If I stop thinking of you as the destination
And just enjoy the journey…
Maybe that's the secret to happiness

I'll memorize the crinkles in your forehead
Like lines on a map
When my mix tape runs out of songs
I'll listen to your voice instead
When it gets cold at night
And I don't want to roll up the windows
I'll hold your hand

Even if we were only blown together
Like fallen leaves
For a brief amount of time
For that moment
I was yours
And maybe you were mine

I don't know where we're going
I don't even know we're we've been
But as long as the wind keeps blowing
Let's keep following the wind
#d
Jenni Apr 2015
I need to learn to stop striking matches
If I don't want a fire
Jenni Apr 2015
Serendipity.
Not to be confused
With Serenity.
Because I'm anything but serene
When I keep running into you.
Flustered
Panicked
Awkard as hell, sure.
Serene?
Not so much.

I have this strange idea
That we're like moths to flame.
Who's the moth
And who's the flame?
All I can say is that I thrive in night
And you always created your own light.

I'm afraid to touch you.
I'm afraid to burn.
But I'm smoldering inside
And it's starting to hurt.

My wings were careless.
I got too close.

Alight

Ablaze

It's alright

Your gaze

Will be the last thing I see.
That's good enough for me.
#d
Jenni Mar 2015
you seem like the sort of person i could tell things to
that I might have never told anyone else.
how sometimes i feel like i'm drowning
and maybe that's why i'm afraid of the ocean.
how the song disorder sounds like the night
and how it makes me feel alive and dead at the same time.
i go to concerts so that the bass can keep my heart beating.
sometimes i lay awake for hours staring at my laptop
feeling numb and empty
and sometimes i wish someone would hold me until
i feel whole again.
i think i would be okay if that person were you.
you've always been so kind to me
in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.
i don't know what to do with kindness.
maybe you could help me.
i'm not good at feeling things.
sometimes i feel nothing
and sometimes i feel everything
but my feelings for you always made sense
in a way that the others didn't.
i'm bad at talking
let's just drive.
the night air makes me feel alive and free.
i love the way the world looks lit up
and the reflections of street lamps and flickering neon shop signs
and the way their light paints our faces.
you looked at me so gently that night before you left.
i pretend to know the words that were frozen on your lips
and i go to sleep with my heart keeping time with joy division bass lines.
it's 4:27am and i miss you
this is more of  diary entry than a poem but i didn't know where else to put it
#d
Jenni Mar 2015
I kept telling myself
That all I wanted
Was to feel your arms around me
But now I think
I've become addicted to your touch

My skin aches
My limbs shake
My heart quakes

For ****'s sake...

I never wanted to need you
I think I want a redo
It wasn't you but me who
****** it up this time

Next time I'll try harder
I swear
#d
Jenni Mar 2015
I'm not asleep
I'm not awake
I'm somewhere in between

I'm unaware
But I don't care
I'll never leave this dream

The world is harsh
I'm not prepared
Just ten more minutes please

Keep hitting snooze
And I can't lose
That's my reality
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