**** is a real thing
It happens in books
It happens in movies
But it also happens to real people
Everyday

People talk about it
All the time
But
To them it's a joke
A hilarious situation
An exaggeration
So extraordinary
It warrants laughter

I ask how the game went
The response
"Oh man, we got *****"
A friend walks out to her car
They yell after her,
"Love you!
Be Careful!
Don't get *****!"
And then the giggles ensue
Because obviously
This isn't a legitimate threat
**** isn't something
We should actually be concerned about
Because obviously
You have control over
Whether or not you get *****

When I hear these things
**** spoken about
In this context
I have to stop myself from
Striking out
In a livid explosion
Of boiling anger and frustration
We live in such a bubble
A bubble of artificial safety
We lie to ourselves everyday
All I want to do is
Pop this bubble
With a giant metal rod
I want to just run at it
And stab at it
Until there is nothing left
I want to scream
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
But usually my mouth stays
Shut
My anger,
Behind the gates
Because it's not the time or place
Because I'm a coward
Because I don't want to be known as
The ****** girl
Who takes things too far
So I endure it
And nothing changes

And gradually
**** loses its
Twisted significance
With each joke
****
Moves further away from
A reality
And closer
To a bad dream
Closer to
A story
That could
Never
Possibly
Happen
To
You

I'm sick of waiting for
The right time
The right place
I don't think they're ever coming
So here it is

**** is real

A cold hard fact
Right there
Stop trying to escape it
Or sugar-coat it
Or rationalize why it's okay to joke about it
Accept it and work to change it
Don't ignorantly perpetuate the problem
It's not that we need to walk around fearing for our lives
That's no way to live
But it's time to adopt some sensitivity
Some awareness
Some sense of reality
We need to give thought to our words
Before they hit the air
Before they hurt the world
Because

**** is real

**** happens in big cities
At night
In downtown alleys
At bars
Behind clubs
To homeless people
To strippers
To prostitutes
To people
"Asking for it"
Whatever that means
But
It also happens
To innocent 14 years old girls
In sleepy suburban Minnesota
In broad daylight

Sometimes
We allow our hurt
To blind us
All we see
Are all the things that have ended
All we see
Are all the people who have let us down
All we see
Are all the ways the world has wronged us

And we forget

We forget
All the things that have gone right
All the people we have been blessed with
All the people who have loved us
And stayed
This good
These things
These people
Are bigger
More plentiful
Still
We only see the hurt
Because
The hurt is far more memorable
The torture has been
Etched
Into the very fiber of our beings
With a knife
A knife so sharp
A simple touch
To the pad of your finger
Would produce a stream of
Red
An undeniable scar of suffering
Yes,
The hurt may be smaller
But only
In raw amount
These unexpected, unwanted outcomes
These abrupt endings
They leave
Marks that are unable to be erased
Memories that burn through our skulls
And eat away at our flesh
Flashes of recollection
That rob us of life
Pain
So deep
We can feel it
All over our
Body
All throughout our
Broken
Bones
The open slices, they
Bleed
Fast and strong and full of confusion, they
Bleed
And using our shirt,
We mop up this
Blood
This rapid, rising
Flood
But no matter how many times
We wash our shirt
The stains
Remain

So I ask of you
Every time you look down
And see one of
Those gaping wounds,
Your gaping wounds
Those gaudy stains
Your gaudy stains
Please
Remember
All of those who have
Stayed
All of those who have
Embraced you
And refused to let go
Don't let yourself be fooled
The bad,
It has nothing on you.
Nothing.
Good triumphs over evil
Now and for
Eternity
Don't wade in circles,
Trapping yourself neck-deep in a puddle of
Hurt
Don't sit in self-induced
Blindness
Don't miss it
Just because
Your long lashes, your heavy lids,
That conceal your soul
Have been stubbornly glued shut
By you

Open your eyes

I know,
The light is bright
Take it slow
You can do it
Open your eyes
With the restoration of your sight
Will come your heart
It's terrifying
I know
But you're capable
Please
Believe and
See

Because
More often than we
Recognize
Perceive
Realize

**Good things happen to good people

I brushed it off
I pretended it wasn't a big deal
I said you really had no reason to feel that way

But
I shouldn't have
It is
You do

The truth is
I didn't know what to say
Because
I feel the same way about you
People have deserted me
People have deceived me
My entire life
I have come to expect it
When you spend time with other people
I always feel the painful twinge
Of selfish jealousy
This jealousy, it's irrational and I know it
But that doesn't mean I still don't feel it
That's part of why I enjoy just being around you
That's why I spend a lot of my time with you
So that you can't forget about me
And leave

But who am I kidding
It's not like I am going to stop you
If you want to leave
You will

When you said that
I didn't know what to say
I failed to return your honesty
Because I didn't want to face the truth
Because I hate that you have been hurt
I hate that you too, have a reason
A reason to expect people to leave
A reason to dread it's seeming inevitability
I hate that I have given you a reason to leave
Because I have
I have been so selfish
Fully absorbed
In things the really don't even matter
I was ridiculously irresponsible
But instead of judgement or anger
You treated me with overflowing compassion and love
Things I haven't even earned
You told me about kissing R
You told me you still love T
And I was too drunk to really care
To give you an appropriate response
A thoughtful response
I abused your care
I abused your love
I've been so wrapped up in myself that
I've neglected to really ask
How are you?
Or maybe I did
But I didn't take the time
To really listen to the answer
Last night,
You were real with me
Like always
You confessed that you didn't want me to leave
That you felt like I was already floating away
And I just pretended like that was a stupid, silly thing to think
I shot down your honesty
I was too scared to actually address your words
Because
They cut deep
Right to the bone
I let you struggle with it
Alone
I went to bed
I ran
Hoping everything would magically be better in the morning
But it doesn't work that way
I was lying to myself
I was lying to you
Two things
I'm all too good at

I have a deep-seated desire
For you to think
That I'm all good
That I'm okay
That I'm starting to figure this whole life thing out
But I'm not
And you know
You know me so well
And I know you know
So there is no sense in hiding
In pretending
In being afraid
You have poured all of yourself into my life
You have promised to be there
Always
And I have let you down
I wish I could promise this will be the last time
That I won't mess it up again
But in the spirit of being honest
That's probably not true

But I believe
I believe love has the power to overcome
Love prevails
And I love you.
I really do.
Not a superficial love
But a strangely trusting love
The kind of love where your smile makes me smile
The kind of love where simply your presence changes my day
An overwhelming love
An all-encompassing love
You are my sister.
And I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I really, really love you.

If I could hug you forever
I would
If I could cling to you,
Covered in your comfort,
Covered in your protection,
Forever
I would
If I could love you
Forever
I would

And I will

If you let me,
I will

Please believe me,
I will

And someday
We will be wrinkly, old ladies
Swaying back and forth
Riding rocking chairs on your front porch
Still cracking up at each other's dumb jokes
Smiling
Trusting
Living

These days run away
like criminals who
flee.
Taking with them
all of what I never
did.

This regret remains
fresh just as honey
never ages.
And there's that blood
red stain where my need
for the hurt leaked
onto the floor.

Somewhere beneath
those times and
these years lays
a reason that's fighting
to be understood.

These losses are as
sad as Pluto
losing its status.
And yet I still
believe there's
a masterpiece
somewhere within
all of us
waiting to be
freed.