The lake in my town is
Beautiful
Calming
Crisp and blue

But only if I look from a certain distance.
Until I break the smooth, glass surface and dive down
Run, jump off the dock and splash
I've  shattered the calm

I'm in the water
It's surrounding me
Cooling me down
Wrapping me up
Bringing me pleasure by its simple existence

Still underwater, I open my eyes
This is not what it seemed
This isn't how it should be
It's dark
Swirling
I can't see anything
It's all green, full of foreign things

I put my feet down
And they sink into mud
How can this be?
How can something so shining and clear be so...
So different than it seems?

It's *****
Through no fault of its own
Full of sticks and silt and plants
All these, these things invaded the lake
Cluttered it up
Took it over

It was powerless to resist
It couldn't
Do
Anything
A victim of circumstance
A battered man in the side of the highway with no Good Samaritan to come to the rescue

For years
It just is
Crashing, pulling, ebbing, flowing
Hiding
Concealing the mess it really is
Just a few feet down

Don't be sad for Silver Lake
All hope is not lost
It doesn't have to be this way forever
The DNR is going to dredge it

It will take time
But eventually
The lake will be clean
No mud
No tree branches
No blue-green algae
It will be free of all the stifling pressure
Of everything it's been holding in for so long

Then,
It will be just how it looks to me now
Beautiful
Precious
Lovely
Pure
Bright
Calm

Free.

Tonight
Standing at the sink
In the bathroom
I remembered

I remembered that
Eventually,
When we don't live
Happily ever after
That you'll be gone

And I'll be sad
And confused
And a different kind of empty than I've ever felt before.

Do you wanna be my friends again?
Please come back and stay
I can't talk to you anymore
How long are we going to do this for?
We used to be best buddies
And now we're not
I know exactly why
I will take all the blame
I just want things to be the same

Do you wanna come back in my life?
We can sit together at lunch again
Me texting you is overdue
I have no one to talk to
What happened to how things had been?
It's a little lonely
All these empty stares

Please I know they're in there
Those feelings you used to have
I know that they're still in there
Give me another chance, let me back in
We only had each other
Now we're both alone
It feels like I have no air

Do you wanna come to me again?

No? Okay, bye.

This is the end

There is no coming back this time

I set fire to the bridge

You so carefully walked on before

It went up in flames

And I let it happen

I thought that's what I wanted

That in the end

It was better for both of us

But now

All I want is to come

Crashing

Barreling

Sprinting across

The swinging rope bridge

Into your heart

Arms

And mind

But I can't go back now

Because flames destroy

I wish I wasn't such  pyromaniac

Playing around with fire

And your heart

You know that thing about not knowing what you have until it's gone?

Well, I did know. But I wanted you gone anyway.

So you would stop loving me. So I wouldn't break you.

But now all I want is to have you back. Because this time, I broke me.

We broke up yesterday
And we weren't even dating

But it feels exactly the same as I remember
It's just like last April

I'm staring at your from across the lunchroom
Knowing I shouldn't

But hoping and praying
I'll catch your eye

I just want to see you smile at me again
Like you used to

So in love
So perfect for me

I want to text you
Talk to you

Tell you about my day
Read your funny messages

But I can't
Because I broke the part of you that cares about me

And I can't get it back
So I'll have to live with what I so desperately desired

But now I know that I never wanted that
And could never handle you going away

Life is still going on
But it's not as fun

And it's only been a day
I'm so lost

Please don't let this be permanent
Please accept my apology

Please don't stop
Loving me