What about those times I cried and bled for help.
What about those times I tirelessly picked myself up only to get burned down again.
What about those times I gave everything and got nothing back.
What about those times they called me crazy out of spite and jealousy.
All those times of abuse, telling me I am wrong, and I should change.
All those times when I begged for love, and to stop hurting.
All those times and sleepless nights I suffered and destroyed myself in agony.
All those times they put the blame on me.
All those times they spat on me and called me names.
For all those years they bullied me.
For all the pain I was forced to endure.
All those times I said sorry for doing nothing wrong.
All those times I had to be the bigger person.
All those times I got beaten.
Everything I went through, alone.
I had no one, and still stand strong until today.
THE ONLY PERSON YOU EVER NEED IS YOURSELF.
TRUST YOURSELF, AND LOVE YOURSELF.
DON'T LET THEM GET YOU WEAK.
NEVER BACK DOWN.
FIGHT THIS BATTLE FOR  YOUR LIFE.
YOU DESERVE IT.
DO IT BY YOURSELF, THATS THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE AT THE END OF THE DAY

If you
close your eyes and count to ten
hold your breath and do it again,
it doesn't work,
it's still Monday.

The news is on the radio and
you know it's not too good,
coffee's in the beaker
and that is.

do people use beakers anymore
or is it just me being a mug?

well,
you may enjoy the day
you may wish it away
I'm going out to play
at being an adult.

you told me you loved me
that i would always have a special place in your heart
you wiped my tears away with your thumbs repeatedly
as i broke down in front of you in that parking lot
you told me that you would always be there for me
that i could reach out to you at any moment

well
you lied

i guess when the circumstances changed
so did the conditions of your words

i hate you for it
for showing me what love could look like
but part of me doesn't
it thanks you for giving me that experience

it was a grounding moment for me
one that breathed so much life into my lungs
yet your silence soon afterwards felt more crushing than any simile i could think of

fu*k you
but also
thank you

You dont need people
To see your strength
To convince yourself
That you are strong.



You are.

You said you were ugly, you are not.
You said you were worthless, you are not.
You said you were sad and broken, let me help you out.
You said you were feeling down and depress, I'll fix you up.

You make my emotions function continuously, you still do.
You make me loyal with no feeling of remorse, you still do.
You made me feel that there's no one else, you still do.
You left me there standing all alone, you still do.

You are the one that I will keep fighting for, that is my oath.
You are the one that I'm willing to fix, forever and ever.
You are the one that I still wish for, my only dream.
You are the one that can make me fall, my one weakness.

You keep diminishing your self worth, I still believe in you.
You keep saying you are not worth it, I'll make you think otherwise.
You finally recovered from you broken state, I'm very proud of you.
You denied me access to be part of your world, you still do....

The pain lingers, the heart throbs.
The boredom strikes chaos, like a pulsating sob.
I cannot seem to escape it, to make it better.
Its haunting presence makes for sleepless dreams.
Some nightmares, some screams.
Have to stay fully protected.
Eyes on high alert, I cannot seem to withdraw.
Trapped in hopeless projections.
Which am I going to display.
Useless, emotional, discontent.
Not knowing the way out.
Trapped in my mind of contradicted addictions and hidden counteractions of emotionless emotions.
Leave, stay away.
Nobody should ever be trusted.
Eyes on alert.
Intuitions at its highest.
I feel you before you feel you.
I see your motives before you can even do them.
Why even try?
*******.
Spineless cowards.
Keep your shallowness to yourself.
Don't project your narrow minded boxed perspectives onto me.
Silent bitter words.
Saying too much, to saying nothing at all.
Keeping thoughts to myself.
Fear me.
Keep your distance.

wrists cry
hemaglobin tears
washed away by
shower steam
and daydream fears

your knife-wielding hands
clenched to the bone

my roar now dwindled
to a gentle hum

your selective deafness
my self-inflicted muteness
our perpetual daze

i wanted you to hear me so
i screamed my voice away

my hair sways in the wind
and I am free
upon the hills
under the greenest of trees
no blood in my veins
no skin on my bones
just the universe
inside of me