I'm living an angel's hell

today,
i wore it again
and people complimented me
they say red is my color
and it suits me.

today,
it's too thick and dark
did i overapply
no, it's the right amount
just enough
to make them think
i'm fine.

today,
i look at myself
in the mirror,
and they're right
red shines on me,
so i applied
another layer,
and another
until my lips felt too thick,
but my eyes still see
the scars beneath it.

your eyes still look familiar
but the looks they give me now are foreign

scared to fall,
but more scared
of never flying,
so i sit at the edge
and wait.

All the points of no return
Are telling me
That I'm gone.