In the whirlwinding downpour I can see what it's for
Some semblance of a peace of mind disguised as wanting more
And filtered through your anecdotes I see the picture clearly
A moment as profound as this I'll never hold so dearly

Sincerely this time, I really must go
I'm combating with the ghosts of things that I can never know

Give me your hand, a hug, please just something
Because this ain't enough; I'm dissolving into nothing
I need one more chance, two more lives, three more times
So that I may reapply it to the format of my mind

Why do the tears still come?
Yet i hide behind laughs.
Thinking he likes the outside.
He doesn’t know about the fight
The fight that tears me apart.
The fight I still don’t know how to win.
The fight that seems to never end.
So I will shed my last tear,
close my eyes,
and be the girl I am supposed to be.

there's nothing like being wanted
to keep your spirits up
for a day now, or more
i've been smiling, and today i found myself
noticing things that don't belong
i saw icicles under a warm sun, dripping
back down into the earth in shame
i saw a streetlamp, still lit at noon
and its light was orange and dark against the sky
but i did not see myself
turning to look at that space in between
this place and the world outside
the train window, taunting me
with an almost-reflection, my eyes hollowed out
to make room for the sunlight
and i realized
today i am noticing things that don't belong
and i belong
so i stopped looking for myself, and i was found
beneath that useless streetlamp, waiting
for the icicles to melt away
and they did, leaving me calm
and on dry ground
there's nothing like being wanted
to keep your feet moving
to keep your spirits up
to keep your eyes open
for a day now, or more
i've been smiling

hold your tongue, i said
i'm tired of these bleeding words
and i passed you the gauze
slipping my fingers through the maze of your palm
and out through the cracks
hold your tongue, i said
i want to feel these words instead
pretend i am paper
and bend me, press your lips
to me and whisper the letters
and i will fold myself over them
hold your tongue, i said
i love the noise but i love the silence more
just the sound of me
drinking in those phrases, swallowing
air as i try for more
hold your tongue, i said
hold my waist, catch the words
as they drip down from my forehead
sweating ink onto my shoulders
use the silence to soak up the meaning
of each and every one
hold your tongue, i said
and the words will come, riding
upon waves and i will swim
with you to dry land
give me your hand, and i will guide your pen
down along my spine, across
the sand dunes of my shoulders, through
the space between my collarbones
let the ink bleed into my hairline
let the words sink into my skin
as i let you mark me up, graffiti
in the best sense of the word, badass
but secretly
hold your tongue, i said
and take my hand
pretend i am paper
unfold me