Faked but believable
Achievable in the mind first
Cursed down, core found
'Round and 'round I go
Low and high tide, the moon
Is soon
Chipped away.
May I just say,
I loved you the moment I saw you?
Blue devil to
Revel in gazes to
Shrivel into
mazes.

you need not ask me who i am fighting for
my dear, we know the outcome.
i transformed from victim to victor
and still, you see me wounded.
Bleeding from seemingly self-inflicted injury,
it was you who held the knife all along.
Cuts will cauterize,
scars will form and hide behind my sleeves
the same way you mask yourself in alcohol
and kiss anyone you see.

Vulnerable, my heart bled out on the table between us
Pulsing out the only life I had left
(Or so I thought)
I told you everything
Every feeling and regret
Your arms barricaded around me
Safety and reassurance
Warmed my soul
You weren’t laughing or discarding my emotions
You listened
And that’s all I could have asked for
I told you  
How I believed in you
How I loved how much you cared for your family
How I knew you’d make it far
A boy turning into a man with a good head on his shoulders
But as I looked at you I only saw regret
Not for not being able to call you mine
But for not believing in myself enough to take a chance
A chance on something that could have been everything I thought it would be
I saw a boy I cared for
A boy I will never stand beside but at an arms distance of friendship
And I realized
I’m okay with that  
And that I have so much to give
So much and I just can’t hold it in, but
All this love and passion I held for you wasn’t…
For you
It was meant for someone else
Someone I haven’t met yet
Someone who’s just as good of a listener as you are
But will give everything I give back and so much more
A boy who will shower me in
Affection and appreciation
I will always care for you
And I will always be here for you
Never doubt that
But I need to start being there for me
Loving myself and feeling worthy
Because I’ve come to realize my best friends boyfriends
Arms are not where I belong