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345 · May 2018
song
japheth May 2018
you listen to that one song
that makes you remember of the pain he had caused you
but have you thought,
this song actually speaks about you more
than it is for him?
342 · Apr 2020
scabs
japheth Apr 2020
i still carry
the scabs i picked
off the wound you
inflicted on me years ago
leaving it as open as the first time
you did it. see how my heart forgave
but never forgotten.
healing takes time
342 · May 2018
doors
japheth May 2018
life has a funny way of teaching us a lesson:

it offers you multiple one way doors for you to choose which one to go in.

even if you don’t know what’s inside of those doors,
you keep opening them.

you hope for the best every time
you turn the hinge,
you slide the panel,
you push the glass,
that life would give you the best
even if you ever so slightly expect for the worst.

to some,
opening the next door is a surprise,
to others,
it’s another impending doom.

to some,
they are surprised with what they had hoped for.
to others,
they are welcomed with an empty room, and another set of doors.

to some,
it’s their last: filled with everything they had achieved from the previous rooms they have been on displayed in every wall with great detail and accomplishment.
to others,
it’s their last: filled with nothing but white, cracked, and empty walls.

some
continue to stay in one room they feel safe.
others
keep on trying.

life has a funny way of teaching us a lesson:

it keeps those doors unlocked.
it gives the room enough space for you to breathe, take a little bit of rest.
it always hangs a sign in every door,
“open me.”
it always pushes you to keep moving.
no matter how beautiful the room you are in,
it still asks you to open more doors.
it allows you to
reminisce,
remember,
recall,
but never look back.

now,
face front, you.
look,
there’s another set of doors for you to pick.
yesterday was a big day for me. (this piece shouldve posted yesterday but something was wrong with my internet)

here’s to opening another door
335 · Jul 2018
ghost
japheth Jul 2018
i’m not going
to let your ghost
haunt me.
never. i still believe what i did was right. u dont get to be the victim here.
334 · Jan 2019
hole
japheth Jan 2019
i’m sorry.

i’m sorry that i have to always leave this hole in my heart empty.

i’m sorry that i have to, everyday, make sure this hole has nothing in it

—afraid to fill something else in:

something else that might not fit the same way you did before.

i’m sorry for the sound it makes:

how it creates screams that resonates up until the very tip of my fingers,

how the void echoes deep constant hums that imitates the way my heart beats,

how it just beckons me to fill it in, knowing it’ll just turn that something to nothing.

i’m sorry for ever feeling this way again.

i’m sorry for telling myself i’ve filled it already when it’s obvious

i didn’t.

it’s still the same hole — in fact, it’s bigger than ever.

maybe

day by day it gets larger, i don’t know.

but it just feels like it’s eating away what’s left of my heart.

i’m sorry.

i know i’m not supposed to feel this

but i already am.
i’ve never felt this way of sadness again. first time this year huh. i know it’s not a good piece but i just want to let it all out
334 · Oct 2019
spare
japheth Oct 2019
i miss writing
the emotions i’ve bottled in.

i guess
when you
frequently pour them out,
nothing’s left for you to spare.
i really do. any help to get out of this hole?
333 · Apr 2018
drive
japheth Apr 2018
we were going towards somewhere,

i don’t know for how long or how far,

i just know we’re moving.

unlike before, where i only get hitched by

somebody else in their passenger seat

— not knowing when and where i’ll be dropped off,
loving its mystery;
the excitement —

i’m actually driving this time.
and you’re riding your own too.

we’re driving side by side.

either one of us could go ahead,

but we moved in one pace.

where will we go?

i don’t know.

i puff a cigarette.
332 · Jun 2018
sign
japheth Jun 2018
i’m a
firm believer of signs
in fact,
all signs led me to you;

however,
one sign
told me to
let you go.
rought patch
331 · May 2018
haunts
japheth May 2018
i’m only in love
with the memory of
you
that

h
a
u
n
t
s

me
every
single
day.
331 · May 2018
view
japheth May 2018
i’ve been
staring at this view
outside my window
for almost a year now.

i’ve had
countless of cigarettes,
nights where i just stare at the open lights in different buildings,
listened to the sounds of cars passing by,
cried and laughed so much while holding my phone scrolling through whatever app i’m in.

this view —
of numerous buildings,
of countless cars driving,
people as small as ants walking,
of the distant mountains from a province i’ve probably never visited,
of the clouds,
of the sun,
of the moon,
and of the stars —

i consider them as my friends.
a friend who just watches and listens to me.
a friend who sees me at my worst when i shed a tear for a mistake i made,
and sees me at my best when i smile for no reason at all.

sadly, in a few months i’ll part ways with this view.
it’s not a pristine view like the beach,
or on top of a mountain,
but it’s definitely a view that makes me stare at it for a long time.

reminding me of everything i’ve done:
my achievements,
my mistakes,
my regrets,
my doubts,
my fears,
my everything.

i’ll miss you most definitely.
i was staring at the view from my plce and since i’m moving out, i’m definitely gonna miss it.

i prolly gave 0 justice to how beautiful and helping the view is to me for all the things i’ve been through but i hope you get it.

we all have that one view that we always look at that never fails to make us smile.
330 · Aug 2018
wounds
japheth Aug 2018
i thought
our love
was deep
enough
but
apparently,
the wounds
you
inflicted
were deeper.
that’s why im taking my time to heal now that your lashings are gone
324 · Feb 2020
bouquet
japheth Feb 2020
a bouquet of roses
with buds never opened
for our love
that never happened.
happy valentines day
318 · May 2018
phoenix
japheth May 2018
i wish our love was

a phoenix

that dies;

turns to ashes,

then revives

again.
then i remembered, i’m not in a fairytale.
317 · May 2018
are you?
japheth May 2018
they say,

“everything happens

for a reason”

now

i’m wondering,

will you be

everything

that’ll happen,

or

the reason?
just a little something something before i drink tonight.
314 · Nov 2019
charm
japheth Nov 2019
i wish i could go back to the first time i fell in love.
no hurt. no pain. no overthinking

it was going to a new place you don’t know the people around you. smiling as you walk the alleys thinking if this was where you’re supposed to be in that exact moment.

it was ordering food you never really tasted before but the reviews from your friends and family told you it was good. but not always good. sometimes it was bad. sometimes it was heavy. but you bite into it anyways. thinking it’s not so bad after all. something you could enjoy. something that could be your favorite.

it was getting an erasable tattoo. something that’s permanent but could be washed off. but u didnt want it to. you wanted it to stay. for it to be there on your skin forever. but slowly it starts to come off and you would want to get one again but it’s not the same feeling as you had it the first time.

it was the first time you learned how to drive. it was scary. the good kind of scary. you would want to drive it for miles. go to places you always wanted. playing your favorite song on loop. until the gas runs out and it did. it ended. it didn’t crash. but the excitement it made you feel, did.

they say first time’s always the charm. beginner’s luck. but even if i wanted to deny it. to forget that i ever did it. sad to say, i’m done with the first times. i was charmed but only once. and it never came back.

now love isn’t what it’s supposed to be.

you went back to the same place you thought was different; you thought was strange. now it’s the same alley you walk on almost everyday. nothing changed. but they way you see it did. it was dark and cold. the charm wasn’t there anymore.

you ordered the food you thought was your favorite. thinking about the reviews, good and bad, that was told to you and now you know why it’s bad. the charm wasn’t there anymore.

you had the same tattoo. same spot. same design. but now permanent. you wanted it to come off but it couldn’t. you thought it’d make you feel less alone. but even if the ink stayed on your skin till the day it turns to ashes, the feeling you had when it was still temporary wasn’t there anymore. you think of making it your own charm but the magic wasn’t there anymore.

now you drive the same car. you’ve been driving it for years now. it became a chore.

you drove down the alley this time. you got yourself your favorite food even if you’re sick of it already. you check on your tattoo wondering if it’s expensive to have it removed. you’re driving. wishing that one day, you could go back to the first time you fell in love.
because you’re hurt. you’re in pain. you’re overthinking.
306 · Apr 2019
ready
japheth Apr 2019
i was ready.

i was ready to fall again.
ready to jump without any hesitation.
to see my lips form to a smile for another person.
to feel the butterflies in my stomach come alive again.
to know that i’m falling and someone’s going to catch me, as soon as possible, before i hit the ground again.

i was ready to open myself again.
to show what has been hidden inside of me:
all the darkness that i’ve fought, all the light that i’ve ignored.
to know that i’ll be welcomed, no matter how ugly my past must’ve been, with open arms.

i was ready to be with someone again.
to hold their hands, fingers intertwined, in broad daylight.
to sing my favorite songs in the car as we drive late at night.
to feel the warmth of their face as they pull their face close to mine for what seemed to be a kiss.

i was ready for it all.

but he wasn’t.
written this piece for a friend who almost wanted to date a guy who seemed to be nice but apparently isn’t as committed as she thought he was.
305 · May 2018
sentence
japheth May 2018
in my book,
you were a whole chapter.

in yours,
i was only a sentence.
ive written somethinf like this before. i just had to rewrite it.
305 · Apr 2018
move forward
japheth Apr 2018
no matter how bad
our ending was,

from the
bottom
of my heart,

i’m glad
you gave me

the courage

to move forward.
305 · Aug 2019
tired
japheth Aug 2019
i'm tired.

i'm tired of things i know i can't control but still try my **** hardest to.

i'm tired of smiling all throughout the day making sure the people i'm talking to don't think of me as a **** joy.

i'm tired of faking a laugh just to please the people who throw jokes at me as if i'm not in the room with them.

i'm tired of walking as fast as i can back to my place so i could finally be in peace.

i'm tired of always finding myself in situations i'd rather not be found as i sit in the corner blurring the noise out by reading stuff on my phone.

i'm tired of fitting in.
honestly, i am.
304 · Aug 2018
asking
japheth Aug 2018
i
stopped
asking
how you were
when
i
started
asking
how i am
and to answer my own question, i’m okay.
304 · Apr 2018
glitters
japheth Apr 2018
don’t stay

for the glitters —

help me clean them up afterwards.
sometimes, you got to understand that everyone just puts their best foot forward first.

at the end of everything else, that person has its own demons they deal with everyday.

you can’t expect them to shower you with love all the time, like glitters. because as pretty as it may seem, glitters are hard to clean up.
302 · May 2018
game
japheth May 2018
i didn’t know

i was a part

of your game

until you told me,

i lost.
now that’s just a ****** way to enter a game isn’t it?
301 · Oct 2018
eulogy
japheth Oct 2018
i’m writing
a eulogy.
no,
it’s not
for someone close to me
who died recently,
it’s
for someone who loved me dearly
whose love died
when i presented my demons
and couldn’t take them individually.
i’m writing a story for film and i felt like my character is so selfish. so here’s what the character is feeling when she’s crying her eyes out writing out the pain and consequence of her actions
300 · Jul 2021
7:55 pm 7/4
japheth Jul 2021
i'm crying. i think the tears have been itching to get out of my eyes but here it is now. i'm crying.

i'm regretting. i think guilt has finally overcome my selfishness but here it is now. i'm regretting.

i'm breaking. i'd like to think that this is just my heart's way of peeling it's old skin. after all the old skin breaks, i'll come anew. but right now, i'm breaking.

but here we are now, i'm everything that i wish i wasn't but i'm going through this pain again that found me in the darkest alleyway of my heart. i thought i hid well, but here we are now.

i don't know how to end this. i'm just hurt. i miss him so much.
300 · Jun 2018
sad songs
japheth Jun 2018
have you

ever

******

while

listening

to

sad


                s
                o
                n
                g
                s
                ?
haven’t been able to post recently. been battlinf myself and im just happy i have someone that supports me all the way.
289 · Aug 2018
drink
japheth Aug 2018
let’s
drink
until
everyone
gets
drunk
but
us
289 · Jul 2018
holding
japheth Jul 2018
i could have let go
as early as i could
if only
i looked down
and saw
that you weren’t
holding my hand
and i was holding your arm.
you ever felt like you were alone even when you’re in the relationship?
288 · Apr 2018
high
japheth Apr 2018
i’ve learned

to not always

get addicted to

one

certain

high

in life —

if

it’s meant

to stay forever,

great.

if

it’s meant

to last

only for awhile,

accept.
as i continue to grow and learn more about myself, i realized that being stuck and falling in love with one place creates a complacency that won’t help you grow more as a person.

i dont know how to expound this more, but in this day and age, nothing lasts forever. accept that when things don’t go the way you want them to be, it’s because they aren’t meant for you to keep — they are only reminders of what you shouldnt do for the next.

so keep moving forward and learn more about yourself. at the end of the day, you only have yourself.
286 · Aug 2018
faint
japheth Aug 2018
my
oh so faint
memory of
you
doesn’t give
justice
to
how much
i want to feel
your embrace
tonight.
to the person i dated for roughly two weeks, i miss you and im glad you found someone who’ll enjoy that warm embrace of yours.

i’m just glad we’re friends now and could cheer you on with your life from afar.
281 · Aug 2018
smile
japheth Aug 2018
for a long time
ive been telling
myself
to smile
no matter how hard life is.

and for the first time,
in a long time,
i smiled
— without telling myself to.
280 · Apr 2018
breathe
japheth Apr 2018
and just like that,
as the
warm sunlight
touches my face
slowly,
i told myself
to breathe.
279 · Apr 2018
guest
japheth Apr 2018
you’re the guest
that knocked on my door
and i willingly let you in.

you trashed the place,
we had fun —
most guests do anyways —
and after the party we
usually clean up.

but you,
you left my house trashed.
you left marks all over the place.

i was so used to people
helping me clean up
afterwards

that i forgot
there were people
like you:

who crashes a house
and leaves without
any remorse.

did it ever
cross your mind
that at the end of the day,
at the end of what we had,

i’ll be
the only one
cleaning this?
278 · Aug 2018
field
japheth Aug 2018
you came here
unto my battle field
planting flowers
that resemble
your promises,
your kisses,
your hugs
— your love.

you filled the ground
with lots of different kinds:
each representing
your love for me
and it was beautiful.

as we lay on the bed
of flowers
you planted,
i sighed
and remembered
the battles that took place in this
ground of mine.

even though
the ground’s already dead,
you did your best
to plant each and every one of
those flowers with care anyway.

“it’ll die anyway, so why bother?”
i said softly, holding your hand.

you smiled and said,
“but it looks gorgeous right?
let’s savor this moment still.”
and as the flowers whither, i cry again.
278 · Apr 2018
lesson
japheth Apr 2018
you’re

      a bittersweet life lesson.

that’s all there is

to it.
278 · Jun 2018
storm
japheth Jun 2018
my rage
towards
you
is like
a storm.

o,
how i wish
you were in it.

how i wish
everything you ever loved
gets washed away
by the gust of madness.

how i wish
i get to destroy
the image of me
you called home:
spew in tornadoes
until nothing’s left.

how i wish
you get hit
by the thunder
and feel at least,
for a second,
feel the pain
i felt.

but darling,
the storm started
with you in the
middle.

the eye of the storm
spewed with you in the middle.

you feel the calmness now
but if you look around you,
you see that you have nowhere else to go
but deal with me.


so,
if you think
me being calm
in front of you,
is a sign of forgiveness,
think again, my dear
— for the storm is only starting.
wait till i finally move
and see that you’re not in the middle anymore.
remember when i told you all how i was in a happy place? well, i jinxed it. it’s sad how the universe always gives me only a taste of happiness before it takes it away from me.
277 · Jul 2018
value
japheth Jul 2018
if everyone
in this world
had the same
precious love
you have always given me,
surely,
like how gold is distributed
unto the hands of greed,
it will lose its value.
i’m reading the alchemist by paulo coelho and my god it’s memsmerizing — let me know what i should read next. i’m a sucker for books
277 · Sep 2018
moving
japheth Sep 2018
i’ve always wondered
why it was so easy
for you to move on.

then i remembered,

when i was
moving out
of your heart,
lifting box after box
of clothes i own,
of items i bought,
outside your porch,
trying to take
everything i had left
— making sure i leave as little to no trace of me,

you were already
letting someone else in.

as i was cleaning out the pictures of us,
you were already replacing the frames with new ones.

as i was removing the covers of the bed, the sheets, the pillows,
you had a whole new set ready,
just waiting for me to leave.

as i was waiting for the cab to
pull through your driveway,
you were already expecting someone
coming your way.

and that’s how i knew.
and i don’t think i’ll ever move to another place sometime soon.
273 · May 2019
tired
japheth May 2019
pagod na ako.
this isn’t twitter but our tiredness is poetrt waiting to be translated. “I’m tired” in english. Such few words. hear it as a whisper but it screams loud in your head.
273 · Dec 2019
christmas
japheth Dec 2019
you seem to have already forgetten that the christmas spirit never left. it has been there deep inside you. growing in the same pace as you are each year.

the toys that bring you and your spirit joy has been replaced with the gift of fleeting time — which moves rapidly avoiding your helpless grasp for it to stay put — a sudden realization that everything is fickle and one day will soon turn to ashes.

you seem to have already forgotten that the christmas spirit never left. it has been there deep inside you. sipping red wine laughing at your misery.

christmas comes once a year. the spirit smiles, with a glass of wine in hand, waiting for your next demand.
****** babble
273 · Jul 2018
sad
japheth Jul 2018
sad
i’m
sad
and you know
what makes me mad?

is when i feel
that my sadness
isn’t valid—

that my feelings aren’t
important.
pet peeve: cancelled plans
270 · Aug 2018
stars
japheth Aug 2018
i remember
when you used to look at me
with twinkles in your eyes.

if only
i’d known sooner
they were stars long dead;
a few more seconds
till they fade to nothingness.
i’ll find someone with a universe in their eyes instead
264 · Feb 2020
dating
japheth Feb 2020
if you’re dating a poet,
don’t worry about
writing them poetry.

for you,
my dear,

your smile,
your laugh,
your tears,
the way you hold their hand,
the way you embrace their whole body — no, their whole being,

is poetry enough.
been awhile since i last wrote poetry... i keep thinking about things that i should write but i keep postponing them, so now, like my bio suggests, i shall write whenever it comes to my mind immediately
263 · Jan 2019
love part 2
japheth Jan 2019
what you do with it is all up to you.

but love, in its singularity isn’t bad.

love makes you do weird things you wouldn’t expect in hopes of getting a taste of it.

but love, oh dear, how do you make it so hard and simple at the same time?

how do you make it hard for words to come out of my mouth but so simple to make me smile with your corniest jokes?

how do you make it so hard for me to look in your eyes but so simple for you to look into mine?

how do you make it so hard, no difficult for me to lean in, look into your eyes, and kiss you but so simple for me to just bite my lips and laugh at how miserable my attempt was?

how do i do with you, love?
actually, never mind. but hey, message me though.
263 · Jun 2018
words
japheth Jun 2018
wish i never did that.

****.

i thought the words

“i love you”

were for me?

your someone special?

why am i seeing messages

where you just

throw it away

to the next guy who says it back to you

and is available?

is it because i haven’t said it to you yet?

is it because i’m not worth the entirety of your time?

is it because you think i’m doing the same thing as you?

what am i supposed to do?

should i ask you if what you have with this guy is more special than this?

it’s not okay to lie.

tell me if i bore you.

tell me if i fall short the love you deserve.

tell me if you feel like you’re grasping at straws trying to love me.

tell me.

because if you don’t,

i’ll keep this within me.

it’ll start off small.

it’ll slowly boil.

it’ll eat every emotion i receive from you

and release it as doubt, uncertainty.

when the time comes,

when you feel like i’ll finally say

“i love you”

you’ll hear these words instead,

“i hate you”
i’m an overthinker and because of that i do things just to calm myself.

now i feel like i did something that i would regret.

i opened the messages and saw that my beloved is talking to someone else.

i asked him before if they were over. and he said they were.

i even told him, since we’re only dating, it’s okay for you to date other people since we’re just dating and you are entitled to choose.

but eveything’s different now, we’re exclusive.

i asked him last night if they were over. if he had discussed it over with the guy and he said yes.

i’m not jealous. i’m just mad that he would lie to me.

should i talk to him about it?
261 · Jul 2021
crumble
japheth Jul 2021
i've always been consumed
by my negative thoughts.

it's scary.

people see me as a mysterious person
but after the clock strikes 12,
the magic is gone.
you see the ***** clothes and rags...
everything is bad.

but im just wearing them.
i can take it off.
i can strip naked
leaving only my body: my vulnerability.

that's what i want to show,
but i think
this vulnerable body of mine
is too fragile
that once you embrace,

you can't let go

because the moment you do,


it crumbles.
how is everyone? i'm back. it's been a whirlwind of emotions over the past couple of months. i started writing on a journal again. it's only been a day but i have already wrote almost 20 pages worth of thoughts. i didn't know i had so much until i got to see the pages that i wrote on got thicker.

how is everyone? really?
259 · Aug 2018
writing
japheth Aug 2018
i’ll keep writing
not because
i’m not okay.

i’ll keep writing
because
it’s okay to feel this way
and i know
my words will reach
those whose pain
are far greater
than mine

— and they’ll feel the same way
soon enough.
258 · May 2018
lake
japheth May 2018
“you deserve to be loved.”

upon hearing
those words,
tears
started
falling.

it’s
painful
when
your
past experiences
don’t see your worth.

when they do,
it’s always too late.

hearing those words again
coming from someone new
who likes me,
breaks the whole **** dam
of tears
i’ve been trying to suppress.

i know i do.
i deserve to be loved.
however,
as much
as i
want to love again,
i’d have to finish
drying up
the lake
i created from the past.

once it’s dry,
i can finally make
something new
out of it.
if any of you watch 3% on netflix, (SPOILERS AHEAD) this is where i got the inspiration for building something out of a dried lake.
257 · Apr 2018
reminder
japheth Apr 2018
you,

will always be

someone else’s

“what could have been.”

dont forget that.
254 · Aug 2018
right
japheth Aug 2018
i still
believe
you were
the right person
at the
right time
because you
showed me
everything that’s wrong
to make way for
someone
who’ll treat me right.
you really were the right person to show me what’s wrong in this world and i couldn’t thank you enough.
253 · Sep 2019
help
japheth Sep 2019
help

me.

i

am

falling

back

to

the

arms

of

those

who

hurt

me.
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