there will always come a time where you feel like you’ve hit a wall. being the rational but impulsive person that i am, instead of turning back, i try and study the wall and break it.

i use all of my ability to understand why i hit a wall and do my best to crumble it down and notice that there’s a light behind the small cracks i made.

the light signifies that there’s hope behind your efforts. it shows that you’re doing something.

once you’ve completely broken down the walls, don’t be surprised if you see more than just one path, waiting for you.

i’m probably hyped right now and so thankful to finally have a place where i feel safe to share my thoughts.

before, i write because i’m sad, with a cigarette on my hand, i type. i type as hard as i can just to release the emotions i have inside.

i went through a hard breakdown a month ago where i felt like i was stuck. like i had nowhere else to go.

but i kept on telling myself to push forward. to take baby steps. after all, no one’s rushing me anyway — it’s my life and i should take control of it, so i did.

now, looking back, i’m thankful for everything that had happened.

it helped me be where i am now. even though i’m still figuring things out, at the very least, i’m somewhere. out of the dark place where i was before.

i like to do laps at our university pool. like, i was training myself to go for 100 laps every time. last two weeks ago, i had a panic attack, in the middle of my swimming and thankfully, i knew what to do and i was at the side of the pool already.

i stopped swimming after a week, scared that it’ll happen again.

but today, i swam. even though i only did 20 laps, i felt that i was getting back my groove again.

i’m not scared of the water anymore.

because i learned how to breathe.

i bought a small succulent today, a zebra plant.

i called it debra dimagiba.

the word “dimagiba” is actually two words in filipino - “di magiba” which in english means, it can’t be broken down.