Today I lost my ****
I did; that’s all is it?
Older and bolder?

No, just lost my ****
Not bolder,  just older
Not good with it

I lost my ****
This is it
I’m old

first, relief
I don’t have to do
anything

dishes *****
bed unmade but
everything else

6am to 6pm brigade
promises made
love delivered

chicks in
cats fed
dog abed

then, lover lonely
misses wife—
not the strife

Who?
What?
Where was I?

Uncertain lullaby?

A taste,
A smell,
A sound—

Alarm nearby but:

Frozen asleep
Stasis stuck
Hush-a-bye solid goodbye:

Frozen!

“I CAN’T MAKE MY LEGS MOVE!”
Caught tween here and there
A living/sleeping nightmare

Dreamer tries to wake,
Remembers Borges’ circle;
Who dreams the dreamer?

Nightmare ends as
Barrier weakens
Fluttering eyes awake.

Shift, move; pillow fluff—
Chasm crossed;
Glad I’m not in my coffin.

No.
Not without evidence it won’t

No.
Without assurance I won’t

No.
No.

We won’t be fooled again

And that’s when Larry arrived. Sheila freaked and dropped her tequila. We tried not to noticed but then Juan chortled as most of us feigned indifference. It didn’t help matters that the shattering glass made Sheila’s Pomeranian yelp in a distinctly manic manner. Others tried to suppress giggles but soon we were all laughing. We couldn’t stop. When the Roomba from its niche tried to sweep up the glass, it was over. Time out. Sheepishly, Larry dropped to one knee. Before he could propose, Elsa, the Pomeranian, bit his hand, hard. Yeah; it went into the Roomba.

There is in control and
There is out of control
Then there’s no control
And then just the thought of it

Our bodies teach what we lack:
Older, stranger; put the coin in the slot
Lemons, Oranges, 3 of a…
DING! DING! DING…

Or not.

We still-ill-want control
But, that sum-um times
Elludes us. Put another quarter in…
Hope for Elysian dream

“What was your card?”
“The queen of hearts”
I tossed the withhold deck and
palmed her as she squirmed.
The cards fluttered as my hand
crossed my face it
landed between my lips.
I plucked it forth with a flourish
and pronounced,
“This card?”

There were sounds of astonishment
and tumultuous applause.
I felt sick as I bowed and
left the stage, dejected.
The tiny queen squirmed in my pocket.
A sulfur stench assailed me
as I entered my dressing room.
He sat crossed-kneed, red, scowling,
the end of his barbed tail thumping.
“Not good enough. Try again .“

Ameliorate:
To make better

Asked if we could
We knew that we should

We said yes and
Plum blossoms blossomed

Welcomed ambitious souls
Into our lives and home

Oaxacan students
Changed our course

Family extended,
And we, forever bettered

I’m invisible

Corporeal,
Physical but

Invisible

I can’t be seen

I’ve left my mark
My scent
My ***

My words
My works

Still,
You don’t see me

I am tired of mendacity
Tweeting mansplainingly
Daily weekly repeatedly

True is fake while
Making it Great
Only to the base

Stop fake news
Choose
Vote

Our familia
Are familiars

Alliances abound with
Conundrums around

There is love, true
But quick to misconstrue

And misinterpretation
Creates red frustration

Then misplaced anger;
And malplaced angst

Siblings feel betrayed—
Untrusts, untruths replayed

It’s a Punch and Judy show
It plays out mean and slow

A sad, but vibrant
Painting by Van Gough

To the right: supreme justice
A handmade tale by
Current resident

Steering country to wrong
Constitutional crisis
A future bleak

Woman’s body choices
Soon severely limited
Roe v. Wade betrayed

Rule by mob minority
Supremacy of white
Is simply not right

I’m a solid bronze snowflake, baby
Shiny, showy, pointy
I don’t melt

I’m here for the love, the dove
I’m here for the queer and the trans
And the newspaper delivery man

My heart is on my sleeve
Always beating never bleeding
For what‘s right, the good fight

This liberal for liberty
Leans so far to the left
It’s hard sometimes to walk

Disregard me at your peril
Think me mushy meek then
Meet me feral

There once was a boy from Eureka
Not Kansas nor even Topeka
He took stock of life
Went off with his wife
To kayak in Lake Tanganyika

There’s a rumble in my tumble
Upswitch Ipswich overload
Chorus of toads or crickets?

Circuits snapping not yet breaking
Electrical trickle cascading
Wassup? Turn it up!

Tune in, drop mic, turn on!

Knight’s Queen to Bishop three
The ignorant king decreed
Knowing not the board nor game

Irritated red, readily arrogant
He lets cawing crows fly
Their screech a presage of war

We need balance and check,
Mate; a jester gesture at least
Righteous pawns invoking Hoyle

There are rules to the game
Denied, defied not checked
End in shame and blame

What goes around
Gets dizzy

All’s well that
Isn’t bad

A fool and his money
Has a lot of fun

Early to bed early to rise
Has no night life

A stitch in time
Is a temporal rupture

What doesn’t **** you
Raises insurance rates

When life hands you lemons
Open a fruit stand

Actions speak louder
With a PA system

The apple doesn’t fall
In outer space

You cannot judge a book
Without a lawyer

The grass is always greener
With fertilizer

An apple a day
Costs $250 a year

We’re not laughing at you
(Yes, we are)

There’s no such thing
As a unicorn having lunch

Money is the root of all
Capitalism

A spoon full of sugar makes
Diabetics

Misery loves
Therapists

Better safe than
In danger

All that glitters
Sparkles

Ignorance is
Trump

It’s still spring…
With a hint of summer
Guess I’ll call it Sprummer

Actual opposite of ******
This seasonal fecund trend
The great greening of the world

Blossoms still coming with some already gone
Trees leafing fully with some still nascent
Every abundant hue of green in view

Festival of chirping; birds flirting
Copious coos of doves in love
Swooshing thrums of the hummers

Morning rain
After noon sun
Evening pending

Axis tilt-a-whorl
Wobbly earthiness
Glorious, wonderful transition!

Welcome, SPRUMMER!

What? I’m aghast!
S/He doesn’t have a podcast?

How do we knows
Which way s/he flows?

I like what s/he says
Should really be prez

But w/o social tweets
Who truly competes?

Tell me, tell me Facebook
Which way should I look?

Lockstep in totality
In our virtual reality

The screech was unimaginable.
Forget fingernails on chalk,
this was far worse.
We hunkered down
behind concrete slabs
as skëūäįęßás screamed above us
as dïønš scanned with flickering florescence.
I glanced to Diego hoping he’d get it.
Chick-schlick-pa-pa-pa-pow!
He did.

Exhausted, I slid down,
as the spent clip clinged away.
We were safe for another day.

I think I’m a Bhuddist
Because I’m catholic
Look it up

I think I’m humanist
because I’m sympathic
It’s what’s up

I think I’m a pugilist
Fight the fight fantastic
Loving cup

Masters
Of illusion
Is that a ——

I see before me?
Or glue-gun
Construction

**** death camp ledger?
Oh! kay…
Guns, too?

******* battering ram?
And swords and helmets?
Ok.

We are making
A redwood grove?
A spiral galaxy?

A multi-platform space
Suggesting the
Heinous oppression of…

And what is in their hands?
What thing belongs there?
The colors again?

Hey, Mikki,
I miss you
And the work.

Everyone in this room
Came from a unique womb;
A mother to another—

As we intersect
We’ve laughed, shrugged
Shared stories…

The bond common
Place and time summoned
We reconnect

If you had fun, I won!
Complete ___  to compete;
Prance!

Thank you all!

Is our future faith-based or
Freak fate?

Eternal kingdom or
Just dirt?

Is it really nature versus
nurture…

Or is that a false choice and
It’s both.

Nature is fecund and nature is
fetid.

We begin then end contemplating
Beyond.

We were right all along while we
Were wrong.

I am so happy sad
I could explode
Like unexplained
Unexpected
Unknown ordinance
In Laos

The way out
Is to go
Not there again
But over there when
Out of comfort zone

Meet and greet
Eat what is
Reciprocate smiles
Miles from home

White as white can be
I miss your bright
polka-dotted plastic wrap

Add a slice; baloney
Individually wrapped
Orangey faux cheese

Yes, please!
Squirt on the mustard!
Mayo? Yes, buster!

Side of chips, potato
Paper plate, if you say so
Good lunch or just snack, natch!

Take me back, back, Tang to
A way-way-back machine
To my own personal 70s show!

“Compass?”
“Check.”
“Matches?”
“Check.”
“Maple syrup?”
“Check.”
“Swiss Army Knife?”
“What do you think?”
It was on.
With shouldered packs we set off.
The acorns were scarce at first
but more plentiful later.
Waters roared from recent rains.
Wildflowers were glorious!
I gathered some violets.
Then shelling, leaching, drying and
grinding the bitter nutmeats.
Fire on, cast iron oiled and
the first cakes were poured.
The judges seemed astonished.
We smiled.
First prize in the second only
backwoods pancake contest.
Pete thought it was the syrup
we made in Vermont.
I knew it was the violets.

Traffic whines as
Trucker chaos decides
With or without earplugs

Subliminal rumblings
Traffic stumblings
Above and below

Up here, it’s obvious distractions:
******* lane changes
Big-rig disruptions

Down here it’s subtle diffractions:
Kaleidoscope differences
Elysian needs

Wait for it
Hope for it
Refreshed release

Just let go of
Pandemonium
Forget regret

With teacher as student
And all the world’s topsy-turvey
Not knowing knight's next move
Although all the board’s a flux
Each step is potential adventure and
Intuition is your only guide
Take the step

“A yam is a yam” said Sam
As I am who I am

And I am what I can, I said
“A good scam!” said Sam

Overcome the span
If maybe we can

Slap it, cap it
Snap it, trap it

Then we began
The save it plan

A graceful pirouette towards death
With each and every waking breath
The ****** dance of being alive

The stank of floral perfumes
As memories expand and fade
Exotic as cinnamon and jade

We create and extinguish realms
Thinking we’re at the helm with
Joyous and dire exultation

Walking up the spiral trail
All below us is known
Above, oblivious bliss

Ergo I am
Sham, eye yam
Green eggs and spam

Ego flim-flam
Partizan
I am what I…

Monarch butterflies
Go back and forth
Mexico to Northeast US

To Alaska
From Baja swim
Great blue whales

Hummers, flycatchers and warblers
Orioles, and swallows seasonally
Fly their North-South routes

So do people
All the world over
Fleeing oppression

How do we treat them?
Less than human?
Better than butterflies?

Common space vs.
Personal space vs.
Marriage space—

I waited for you to…
“No, I waited for you, too!”
No, I wanted from you to…

I thought we both want…
I believed we both should…
I thought we both might…

Dance

It’s a tango:
Slip, slide, dip,
Marriage is a wild ride!

So, after your interview
Schedule an interval to
Check your recording
And/or flesh-out your notes

Twenty minutes
Or half an hour
Immediately after
With a barista beverage

Get a cuppa coffee
— Wait, this is Arcata…

Get a cup of ORGANIC coffee…
— Et-hem; this is Arcata…

Get a cup of ORGANIC, FREE TRADE, coffeh…
— Uh, wait, this is Arcata…

Get a cup of ORGANIC, FREE TRADE, SHADE GROWN coff…
— So, as this is Arcata…

Get a cup of ORGANIC, FREE TRADE, SHADE GROWN, SONGBIRD SAFE! co…

**** it.
Get a warm cup of Chai tea

— Wait, this IS Arcata…

Sip that soothing cup of Chai tea
While gracefully doing

Tai Chi

Look at that!
What?
That!

The porcelain pig
Seen through the window
Of your neighbor's boudoir?

The moth crawling
Across the window pane
With wings a-flutter?

The yellow golden pup
Trying earnestly to be good
At obedience class?

A smear of ketchup
(Might be blood)
On my lower left trouser leg?

What is that?
I don’t know…
Use your words.

Mr. Nixley, last chance to negate the process.

No, I’m ready. She pushed me away you know.

Pardon?

I reached over—and was pushed away while she opened the covers to let the cat in…

Mr. Nixley?

Yes; I‘m ready.

Do the straps hurt?

Not really.

OK. There will be several sensations. First your body will tingle. Then, and this is the hard part, you will feel consciousness slipping away as if going to sleep but different. Fear is natural. To you, no time will pass but the process will take 20 minutes. Ready?

Yes.

OK…
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mr. Nixley?

Rrrrrrrow?

A chicken sits to think
While sitting lays an egg
No joke, there’s a yolk
Ensconced in membrane

Outside the albumin
Called white when clear
Humpty Dumpty smear
All still in calcium shell

Layers of understanding
Sometimes cracked open:
Is the yolk on you
Or is it white privilege?

We draw water from the same well
We celebrate and despair together
Our fates are tapestried
In our shared community

Grief is a thief that
Hoodwinks normalcy

Just walking along
Then suddenly: BOOM!

Tears flow
Steps slow

Follow the tear’s trail
Down your left cheek

A universe of memories
Flashed in a moment

Sadness, anger, love
Angst, regret, forgiveness

Every step forward was
Already forged in the past

Rejection reaction
Who is yelling at whom?

Button pusher
Make your game claim.

Have it escalate
To blame game.

My good impulse
Repulsed; intent bent.

This cat and mouse ****
Will bring the house down.

What did she feel
As she clicked her heels
Dorothy over the rainbow?

Simple winner’s elation?
A dubious jubilation
Ennui; sodden sorrow?

Ding, ****, murderess
Dog, scarecrow distress
Walking the yellow narrow

Waking quaking with them
Neighbors, uncles and aunt Em
Fortold with cards Tarot

A heart made of tin?
Working wizard’s sin?
Deep in the marrow?

Good witch switch
Knowing bad from which?
Leaving only sorrow

How could she know
Tracks of lion’s sorrow
After that tomorrow

My pops was a Reagan man
As far as the G-Ole Party can

The vote: went with it
But he called him “Idiot!"

Iconic ironic elephant
Don’t be inelegant

Just fire the Man and
Make a stronger stand

Line in the BIG sand
With the TERRORIST Iran
Because Sam I am

I want something
But I don’t know what; an
Unscratchable itch

Urges deep percolate
That I can’t articulate
Fait acompli? Or No?

Wait? Or tempt fate?
Do, and invite regret?
Heads or tails?

Crap shoot, poker game
**** the zit or not
Spin the wheel…

Persistence insistence
Serendipitous stupidity
A repetition rendition
A mumble stumble

I did it again, friend.

Sorry.

“Fool!”
Accusation accepted
Actually, although,
Really: Clown

Free the Fool, yes!
Foolish?
Whenever I can
Fooled? No.

I may own
A tri-tipped foolscap
With jingly-jangly bells, but—
The emperor has no clothes

I was falling apart
Distracted distanced disconnected
WWD was settling in
(That’s world war depression
for the uninitiated)

Then I did something unexpected
Answered an ad in the Northcoast J
And drove two hours to a beautiful nature nook
With a weekend of brave brave man

I think it saved my life

Realities revealed
Truths needing challenge
Connections not expected
Community with men rewarded

Flame on, men, flame on

https://www.northcoastmensgathering.org/

Not even hello, though?
When you go, you’re gone?
Close the door behind?

That’s the brand
In until you’re not
Then just mist

Don’t bang at gates
Always forever locked
Regroup, regain, retain

In the typical male *******
Live 250 million half-lifes
Each a potential human being

Every ***** is sacred
******* is ******-light
Every man masterbates

Even 25 old white Alabamans
Who whank their shanks at least
Once a week for 50 years

Time for math:
25 senators
55 years

72,000 shank whanks
(an underestimate)
1.79e13 potential people

Dried on tissue
Flushed away or
Down another senator's throat

Criminal!
Put them away!
For 8e14 years!