of all the calamities
it's this one that does it.
chewing on fantasies
wears my bite down.
i'm eroding,
my feathers are fading         away.
i'm going,
to be someone

someday.

sing me a lullaby, Mr. Piano Man
you've been so quiet tonight
the bar's all empty, except for me
are you sure you're feeling alright?

now's no time for tonic and gin
i know you're afraid to feel again
oh, remember the roar of the piano!
but now you hardly brush the keys...
it's a love story for the bleeding
and there's a place in your mind
where you'd rather be

oh serenade your empty heart
focus on the beat
i know it's hard sometimes
but you will find your melody

and i know you hear me plea,
"Mr. Piano Man, play the one
that your heart plays
when you're anywhere but at your best."

so sing me a lullaby, Mr. Piano Man
you've been so quiet tonight
and i'm all out of memories
are you sure you're feeling alright?

i miss who i was before too
just not in the same way as you do
her bright smile
monday's child
her heart now silver and blue

languid dreamer
could never keep her
from starting that fire
for the believer
just for the evening
mirrors made of her own design
never seem to be enough
to keep them blind

her stormy eyes
always asking why
they never seem to see her

i have realized i can't stand being touched.
not after him.
i crave the warmth of another soul,
but i flinch, i shrink, dread settling in.

breaths ragged like the flowers
i once placed in his hair.
a scream claws at my throat,
i can't stand to be here.

release me from his phantom jaws,
let me force life back into my lungs.
his behavior never gave him pause,
i can't stand to see what he has brung.

i need to be held, to be warm.
to be safe and nestled by your form.
so please be patient, and never ask why
i cry when you graze my scars
with nothing but something truly kind.

N▇▇▇▇,
since we last talked, i wanted to tell you what you missed.

• truthfully, i wish you had been there when i was ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇.

• i thought you would have wanted to know that ▇▇▇ to ▇▇▇▇▇ again.

• also i found out that ▇▇▇▇ is
▇▇▇▇▇ than i ever realized.

• do you still ▇▇▇▇▇▇ ?
do you think ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ ?

• i wonder, did you ever ▇▇▇▇▇ what ▇▇▇▇ ? did ▇▇▇▇▇ it? you must have, otherwise, you ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇ stayed.

• anyways, you also missed just how ▇▇▇
and ▇▇▇ i have ▇▇▇▇ the ▇▇.



and most of all, ▇▇▇ you ▇▇▇ don't truly ▇▇▇▇ deserve ▇▇ to ▇▇▇ know, ▇▇▇
not anymore. ▇▇▇

                                                     --M▇▇▇▇

shrinking, squeezing, constricting
like old lovers do
im falling down the space between molecules
be my hydrogen, let me be stable
pressing my fingers into the table
(will it go through this time?)

the tension between my temples
seem to be courting, it's simple.
just not elevated, alone, or incidental.
tease apart my form, my chemical bonds
fissure the aching need
from when it was thought to be wrong.

if carbon is carbon,
and dust is dust,
when will i find my home in You?
i know i must.