My ******* look big in this dress
maybe it's too tight
don't look at me at this party
my **** is breaking out for a fight

This dress is making me mad
mascara running I am so sad
I wish I had never come here
my confidence is full of fear

I don't like me
not as beautiful as I used to be
my love tells me he still loves me
Yet, I in my heart, I don't believe


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

We came
together,
joined at the hips
and the lips.

With our words we shared stories
and with our mouths
we opened up to each other.

We were aware of each other
for quite some time,
at least me of you,
but we shared only a few
memories
and only two
nights.

One was spent in the cold.
On a couch,
with alcohol
and sweat
and nicotine
and only one blanket,
but you had me to keep you warm,
and you kept me plenty warm.
You left early in the morning,
and I kissed you before you left.
I tried to go back to sleep,
but it's hard to sleep when you're smiling.

The second time was warm,
in a bed,
with marijuana
and nicotine
and my best friend in the next room.
We kissed
and we kissed
and we kissed
and we slept
and then we kissed some more
and in the morning it was my turn to leave early,
but you kissed me before I left
and I hope you were able to sleep.

You're out of sight
but not out of mind.

Two Souls Apart (Part I)
Two souls met
They fell in love
At the wrong time
The right people
In the wrong place
She was beautiful
Hair gold as the sun
Flaring like wildfire
He was simple enough
An artist with sound
With a wanderers heart
She was never who
She told him she was
Maybe he was never
Completely honest
With her either
They always meant well
And they were so happy
Plans of running away
Far from everyone else
Isolation on an island
Separated by miles of water
Away from judging eyes
But how long could it last
These fairy-tale romances
Just never seem to survive
The cold winters of distance
So they parted ways
Hearts torn into pieces
Plagued by memories
The taste of her lips
Her skin warm and soft
She tried to drown him out
With another in her bed
He screamed his songs
Desperate to be rid of her
She was slowly overwhelmed
So far away from home
He threw himself into the divine
Turning from the sin he held
Becoming a saint of high regard
He found someone new
On the Saint Who Fell for the Sinner (Part II)
He didn't go looking for her
Truth be told she just fell into his life
He was held captive
At the beauty she possessed
Her eyes as spacious as the sky
Deeper than any well of knowledge
So he chased her
She led him through the woods
A deep dark and twisted path
More than once he nearly gave up
But she played him well
She held his attention until he was hopelessly lost
When she felt safe she stopped
The saint wondered at her
Such a fair and beautiful creature
She showed him her scars
Her sins and filthy addictions
Somehow he was not repelled by this
Instead he found himself drawn even more
So he sheltered her fragile soul
Until the day she forgot to maintain her lies
The saint was destroyed at the deception of the sinner
He was driven to madness
The saint searched for comfort
Something to help find the pieces of his shattered heart
To stitch it together again
But he found no cure
No method of healing that would bring him back
In this way the sinner destroyed the saint
Integration (Part III)
He wondered hopelessly for months on end
Searching for peace
All he could find was distractions
Nothing permanent to occupy his time
Functioning was near impossible
Nothing held his interest anymore
He played his songs but was discouraged
Wrote his words but they seemed empty
He could not bring himself back into civilization
He separated himself from all others
As much as he could
He couldn't merge back
Made no connections with any meaning
He was so disconnected
And old memories resurfaced
He found himself longing for her again
For her kiss and her touch
To feel the warmth of her skin again
Her hand holding his so tight
He wondered if she felt the same
The second half of his soul
Evanesce the Island (Part IV)*
Maybe all their plans
Weren't so foolish after all
What if they had known exactly
What they needed to survive
Shouldn't they run away from the world
To set themselves apart
From a cruel and cold world
That they aren't fit for
Let it be just them so far away
From all the rest of the world
Let them do as they please away
From all eyes
Let them love like they were made
On a beach under the sun
Away from these rainy days
That never end
~W.C.

I remember once in church,
when i used to go,
before i lost my faith,
a quote, one that has stuck with me all these years,

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

it was a quote which gave me strength,
and hope,
hope in the fact that i was not alone in the face of danger,
in the face of loss and death,

but the funny thing is,
hope is a lie,
as it that quote,
when we walk in the valley of death in the shadow of pain,
we are alone no one stands with us,
no one give us strength or courage,

these are forged by us,
courage,
hope,
strength,
we must build these,
we must create these to survive,

because the valley of death is a harsh place,
a place where one wrong step,
can lead you to your hearts fears,
and your souls pain,

because when,
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
we walk alone and must forge our own path.

for Mark, on our wedding day*

I.

beneath trembling constellations,
your eyes reflect orion
and i realize--
the ink of night has drawn us into
wick and flame.

fragile orchids bow at the shell of your ear,
my lips in their wake,
whispering of light and shadow and love,
violent and fierce and
angelic.

my face is pale against the wind.
your bones have all but disappeared.

II.

you are as coal and ember,
fugitive in my fireplace,
dancing songs upon my cold skin
with dark fingers,
laced into the atoms of night.

the votive flame waltzes
in its mirror of wax,
our vigil;

tremulous as the first breath of midnight,
steady as the whispers of ivory
that dust the unbroken canyon
glittering under the full moon.

III.

your name breaks open
shattering over stones like starlight--

the resonance echoes
in the spaces blurred by darkness

and i am lulled to sleep,
to shelter.

The woman had legs.
The room gasped when she entered.
The woman had hair.
Red curls past her shoulder.
Lips, eyes, and skin too.
The woman had assets.

But she was not mine, nor any others.