Every path feels like it’s blocked.
All I see is smoke and mirrors.
Are there any open doors?
Or am I trapped in this cycle of suffocating suffering?
Maybe on the outside it doesn’t seem bad.
But in a sociopathic state, nothing ever really gets to you.
So how did I get this low?
I hit rock bottom and I never learned how to pick myself up.
Just fragments of a seemingly happy life.
Was this life ever a good one?
Or was it all a facade?
Just for those against me to gain what they needed?
All I see are liars, fakes and thieves.
Keeping my life an illusion while everything is falling apart at the seams.
I can’t hide in my dreams.
There’s no escape from the fear or the problems that never cease.
So why am I always stuck in a downwards spiral.
It’s not denial.
It’s a vicious cycle of fuckery.
And I can barely see or make it out to breathe.
It’s hard to conceive but it’s my life and I feel like I have nothing but me.
But do I even have myself?
I’m somewhere trapped inside this shell.
These disorders got the best of me.
Now I can’t see who I grew to be.
Everything always gets lost or stolen.
And I don’t think I’ll ever have it in me to be golden.

It hurts that you want to purge me from your life.
I guess there’s no telling what I’ll do with the knife.
Something tells me you hold nothing but hate for me.
I guess this was all wrong and we were really never meant to be.
I still wish we could still communicate through our poetry.
But as far as life goes, I’m down and out and just trying to keep my sanity.

What is it like when every morning feels like a breath of fresh air?
When you’re not consumed in a fight that was always unfair?
What do you do when everyone is decieving?
I just wish I could find something, anything worth keeping.
How does it feel when you’re basking in bliss?
I don’t know if I’ll ever get a chance to feel effervescent in a kiss.
Maybe time isn’t on my side.
But I need to muster up the courage not to only hide.
I need to get away and try to live a better life.
Instead of being consumed in this petty fight of my life.

What's left in this vessel?
I'm no longer a shell.
Everything is gone.
And now I can only dwell.
There is nothing to life.
And nothing but my precious little soul to hold dear.
But how is this life?
When there's nothing but fear.

My being was in the middle of their wreckage.
Pried open and picked apart, and now I can barely see my own reflection.
There was never a point to any of this orchestrated mess.
Who’s being who? Why pick apart what’s underneath someone’s ribs?
So as I come to terms that this life is filled with petty misfortune with little to no order, I’ll keep wondering why everyone wants more.
It’s what you do in life that makes it count.
Not who you **** over leaving them with nothing but hate and doubt.

Falling back through all of my mistakes.
And I bet you guessed I feel mostly hate.
No hope to go on.
So why am I trying?
Never got better, just masked the idea of dying.
Hell knows I won’t be missed when my time comes.
Why can’t I just appreciate the rising sun?
So as I keep trying to pick myself up,
I’ll try to forget about the fact that I’ll never be enough.

Stumbling around trying to get past this bend.
Problem after problem, when will the subliminal fuckery end?
I sometimes keep finding myself wanting to leave everything behind.
But something in me forces me to hide.
Deceivingly friendly faces almost everywhere I go.
Tell me now, is there any hope?
I got through the last bend, took the noose from my throat.
But something tells me i'm still gunna choke.

Somehow I’m finding that I’m still kind of okay.
But how can life get so dreadful day after day?
Looking back at my life it feels like a well thought out trick.
I need a new foundation but where are the bricks?
If only I could start over or find more stable ground.
Am I falling down further?
They’re all trying to make me drown.

So as I tread these trepid waters I’ll try to get to shore.
Trying my hardest to fix these problems at the core.
Maybe one day the dread will get washed away.
And maybe I’ll have the courage to find someone who stays.
But until I find a way to save myself,
I’ll try to make my life feel less like a personal hell.

All of this feels like torment. Where do I go next? Stumbling around through this chaotic mess. Who am I now? What’s left in my chest? I just wish I could figure out where I could move next.

How do I fix my tainted heart?
I’m wandering in the abyss somehow not falling apart.
How do I get back my lost and lonely soul?
It’s not in my fate to have someone to hold.
So as I hope life won’t take its final toll, I’ll try to enjoy what could unfold.
I know this suffering is getting old.
But it seems my fate in someone else’s hands is what’s been sold.

Conniving people with deceitful eyes altering my fate.
I’m lost and I don’t know who I am, how will I ever escape?
The serpents are machinating an orchestrated plan.
Why the **** do I care so much? And where is it that I stand?
So as I try to figure out this utterly hell bound plan,
I keep trying to move forward, as I try to deal with this hand.

Everything gets worse by the day while everyone continues to drive me insane.
On the weak you prey  is there not another way?
I hope you all get slain. Because you don't let anything cease to decay you all just watch life wither away.
Just because you were always already guilty, doesn't mean this is the way it has to be.
But its all lies and you people won't let anyone see.
So **** it all, life was never easy.
But if I had it my way you'd all just burn in hell and I'd never be grieving.

Life is nothing but a waste of time.
There's no point to sadism and morbidity. It's drawing the line.
So what beauty does the world hold?
There isn't any its just more room for your despicable lies to unfold.

Second curse.
What life?
It's been years on the mend and nothing is alright.
There's nowhere to go and I'm fading into the plot.
This is more than a broken home, and nothing will make me sleep soundly at night.
So did the countless years suffering mean nothing?
You all put people through so much hell, trust me I was never bluffing.
There's nowhere to go and no hope for a better ending.
The corruption is a curse, there will never be any mending or any happy ending.
So while I wander through the torment, I'll hope things get better or at least lie dormant.
But there's little hope in this petty hand.
I'm standing alone because I'm sick of these plans.

When you’re left out on your own,
With nothing but a heart made of broken stones,
How do you find a place to call home?

When all you try to do is grow,
And nothing but negative feelings show,
How do you create your own rainbow?

When the world seems against you,
How do you make it through?
When you’re often feeling blue.

But you don’t know what to do,
Because you haven’t got a clue,
Why it feels like everyone hates you.

Tell me, what would you do?

Still living as a shadow.
Tell me now, where does the good go?
Trying to find something with meaning.
Why can I only find it when I’m dreaming?
I know you make me feel like myself.
So tell me how can I stop the drought?
My mind is always hiding in the dark.
Is it the same with my heart?
Maybe one day I’ll be able to let the light shine through.
I guess I’m just happy you still want to continue.
You could probably say I’m still a mess.
So I don’t want to leave you with less.
But I’m struggling to be found.
I just hope I don’t drown.

Why can’t I find myself?
Where did the pieces go?
Will I ever know who I am?
Or will I continue to keep losing hope?
I guess sometimes it comes back.
But it’s still me that I lack.

Too much ******* how is this sane?
Life is not a petty bigoted game.
Why **** others to feel better?
I guess that’s worse than yourself and a letter.
So why is this web so intricately spun?
There is no winning, what the **** is there to be won?
There’s no sense in this ******* till you people’s contradictary “work” is done.
Is a never ending sequence and it’s not about just any ONE.
So as the web keeps getting more chaotic and slimy,
I’ll wonder how life itself is so ugly and grimey.

All there is to this life is lies.
Leading to whoever they prey on’s demise.
So why doesn’t anyone have more time?
If this is life then nothing will ever be fine.
So as I try to cage the demons in my head,
I’ll hope that whatever comes next doesn’t end with more dread.

You people are so conniving.
Playing god or karma to bring pain to the ones you want dying.
Stop giving people disorders to stay where you want in life.
You’re in an artificial hierarchy, fueled by your egos and power driven minds.
Just because you all think you know what’s best.
So tell me, whose lives should this lead to their demise?
It’s all of you.
And you snake your way into the minds of the weak.
Pretending to provide a helping hand but the future is so bleak.
Why do you need to have all of this control?
You’re all part of a fake ******* cult, and on humanity it’s taken it’s toll.
Go ahead and corrupt everyone,
You’re all so blinded by the way you do everything.
That all you people care about is what you want.
You keep people as your petty ******* slaves and ******* the peace out of everything.

Surrounded by ignorance almost around every bend.
There is no hope for any good, what could possibly mend?
Looks like i'll be bitter until i reach my end.
There was never any hope to live.
Just a merciless hellbent plan for everyone to "win".

No hope to go on, no hope to mend.
So tell me, do you know how this is going to end?
My entire life has felt like a hoax.
No this isn’t a joke.
So what is there now if not hope?
Maybe it’s time to cut all the ropes.
Will I be numb? Or slip into the unknown?
I have nowhere left to go.
I guess I need to stop letting my feelings show.

**** your ugly personas.
**** your ugly words.
Everyone is ignorant.
When the **** are you all going to burn?
Why is there an army, setting me up for my demise?
Why doesn't it ever end, while you're all just changing your disguise?
So when the **** will any of this end?
Right when i finally decide to off myself, from every despicable mapped out hand, i'm traded for your plans.
Right.
Go to ******* hell.

Life holds no value because the bigoted sadists drive you insane.
There will never be meaning because life is nothing but their pretentious game.
I hope the end is nigh because you people never quit.
So **** everything I ever thought life was because everyone’s despicably sick.

What’s around the corner?
It’s in the shadows.
Is there a way out?
Things are decieving me.
It doesn’t matter if anyone grieves.
I just don’t want this to be the way I leave.

Stumbling through life feeling from others mostly hate.
I wish I could get out of this place, if only I could escape.
But I’m in their clutches and I don’t know if I can break free.
This is a ******* up hoax, and I need new scenery.
Why are so many people cruel with so many wrong intentions.
I wish I could get better and fix this mess but I’m stuck drifting in the wrong direction.
This hoax has me trapped in a hole.
I’m so numb, I don’t even feel sorrow.
So as I keep trying to deal with the mess of my life, I’ll continue to live out this dreadful mess.
Hoping one day to regain anything of value that was locked away inside my chest.

Why am I still breathing?
I know it was me who was always leaving.
I never meant to break you down.
Please just get up off of the ground.
You always deserved better than me.
It was only you who couldn’t see.
Maybe you were never meant to be the key.
If I could hope for anything it’s for you to be happy.
I spilled my guts out to you hoping you’d understand.
But things never work out the way you want, and I just wanted to hold your hand.
You were my sweet escape, especially with that smile on your face.
And I’m left here wishing we had a different fate.

Can’t find comfort in my sleep,
None of these people deserve any peace.
Stop invading my miserable life,
Your wrongdoings want me to hold your necks to the knife.
I don’t know why I’m always the target.
You “switch your game up” and deny what you did.
Stop hiding behind your versions of me.
This is petty ******* that no one needs.
Who you see me as isn’t who I am.
You ****** me up but your lies and corruption were belligerently planned.
So what is the point to any of this?
Leave me the **** alone cause I’ve lived my whole life in remiss.

Stop living in vain.
Everything is vain, life holds no value.
No one is sane.
Its all just shadows.
What is everyone chasing?
Nothing that means anything.
Its just a downwards spiral of belligerence.
******* all i hope everyone who was involved burns.

Always feeling like I’m never worth it.
I know I ****** up but you gave me a sense of purpose.
I really hope you’ll have a change of heart.
Because without you I know I’ll fall apart.
But I don’t blame you if you want to close the door.
I’m swimming in regret, and I guess I’m selfish for wanting more.

I felt like I was about to be set free.
You made me think you could be what I need.
But I did what I do best and ****** it up again.
If I could make things better I would want to try to be around you again.
But I'm a hopeful romantic always falling so fast.
Maybe one day I'll find someone who wants to make something with me last.
And until I can try to be a better fit.
I'll try to figure out where it is that I sit.

What happened to innocence and happiness in life?
It's just greed filled narcissists leading you to the knife.
There is no beauty in this entitled life.
There's no hope to unfold as long as this web of lies rules the tides.

How do you start to rebuild after sinking deeper and deeper into the hellhole of your life?
Why am i always filled to the brim with these negative emotions.
I miss feeling as deep as the ocean.
But now i'm cold and alone with no way home.
My brittle bones can't withstand the weather.
I just wish i could figure this out and try to make all of this better.
But my being is worn and tethered.
And i'm left with these typed out letters.
So as i try to regain as much of my lost heart that i can fathom,
I'll try to stop living in the shadows.
And hope to breathe some life into my lost soul, i just really wish i had somewhere to go or someone to hold.

The days go by and each hour gets worse.
There’s very little pain but I still feel cursed.
So much hate is filling up my heart.
I tried to get better but I still fell apart.
So where do I go in this orchestrated mess?
There’s no good in my life, and very little in my chest.
I just wish I could get away.
But this problems are building up, it’s getting worse by the day.
if I could get out of this town I might have more hope.
But I’m drowning here, can anyone pass me a rope?
But it seems that I have no one to trust.
It took some time but I learned how to adjust.
How do I figure out life and try to make the most of it?
I’m trapped and I don’t know if it matters where I sit.
Oh what I would give for this to all be just a bad dream.
My life is disasteriously unraveling at the seams.
And no one will ever care how loud I scream.

It seems i've lost my heart and soul somewhere in this mess.
I just want to be me again and be done with all the rest.
But who am i really?
I've done my fare share of sinning but i can't be the only one who's guilty.
So where do i go when i've got next to nothing left?
There is no good left locked away inside my chest.
So what happened to feeling so deeply?
I'm not too sure, but at the bottom is where they're keeping me.
I have my eyes set on love, but do i have any to give?
If i don't, how do i get it back? I need it to live.
But who could love someone as disturbed and unfit?
I'm running out of options, where is it that i sit?
So until i can get out of this cesspool i live in,
I'll do my best to fix this, and not to sin.

Eyes like the ocean, I’ll always have devotion.
A smile that will always light up the room, how could I ever lose the strength to continue?
A laugh that would melt your heart, I never want to depart.
A soul that angels would envy, I guess this is how life is supposed to be.

Drowning in my life.
I don’t think I have any more fight.
Fading away.
I guess that’s why no one ever stays.
Sinking in regret.
What’s left in my chest?
I don’t know what’s left.
And I can’t keep living with all of this stress.

Why does my heart continue to get tangled in my thoughts?
Somehow I found what I sought.
But it feels like he might be fading away into the night.
I guess maybe I’ll find a way to be alright.
So as the mess of my mind continues to consume me.
I’ll try to focus on blooming.
Maybe if I can’t fix my thoughts I can learn to grow.
I just wish it didn’t feel like you’re letting go.
You brought me so much hope.
I guess I’ll try not to tie a noose in this rope.

Sometimes an ounce of hope shines through.
And it gives me the strength to want to continue.
But I always find out it’s just a hoax.
Will my demise come from the noose in the rope?

Always worrying about my demise.
I guess I’ve always known that there’s never enough time.
Will I ever get to witness the beauty of the world shine?
It’s all such a dark mess and I’m never truly fine.

So what’s left in the unfolding chapters of my life?
Is there hope to turn the page? Or will I continue to live a life filled with strife?

So I guess now all I can do is try to move past this.
Even though the last few months have been in remiss.
So as I try not to let their hate consume my being.
I’ll try not to spend all of my time grieving.

The plot seems twisted around every bend I pass.
Where am I going? I don’t want this breath to be my last.
But the masquerade gets more deceiving almost every day.
Why can’t I find it in me to make a better change?
But I’m stuck in their clutches, and they’ve taken almost every bit of me.
I just want to make it out alive, I just need to figure out how to see.
So as I try to make sense of this mess of mostly strife, I’ll just keep trying to win back myself and my life.

I guess the tides are changing cause I can no longer shed tears.
And I’m also finding new fears in the fact that my death is almost here.
So where am I headed down this rocky *****?
Things are rearranging and I’m losing hope.
Maybe I’ll never find someone to hold close.
I guess I should have long ago succumbed to the rope.

It seems my life is iridescent.
Why am I always after question after question?
Will it get me closer to feeling more alive?
I think I need to buy myself a little more time.
We stumbled into each other’s lives but I’m always feeling like I’m on the outside.
Can you see me? I’m doing my best not to only hide.
Is it easy?
You make life look like a simple stride.
Do you need me?
Don’t answer that, I’m tired of hearing so many lies.
I need to free me.
Before I get washed up on the tide.

The future is unraveling and i'm not liking the view.
Innocent or menacing? Will i ever have a clear view?
As the days turn into months, and months to years, it seems like the only thing keeping me sane is downing a few beers.
So what's next in this viscous cycle?
Every interaction feels recycled.
I keep wanting to get away, but i feel like i'll never make a clean escape.
What's blocking the gate to a new and unfiltered life?
It seems that gravity is the only thing keeping me grounded, but my wrist no longer feel the sting of the knife.
Where would i go if i even had the chance?
The days are kind of blurry, how do i get out of this trance?
But as my life keeps unfolding, i'll try to make it through.
My life feels like a hoax, i'm not liking these new shoes.

I’m at the final bow,
I ask myself wondering how,
Life makes such horrendous sounds.
But my head used to always be caught up in the clouds.
And there’s seldom freedom now.
But I can’t shake this negative energy.
There was never any hope to living my life just for me.
I just got ****** into petty slavery.
And now I don’t know what it is that I need.
I’ve been lost my whole life how could I have ever found a key?
I don’t even know what it is that I need, but the torture of my existence leads me to sometimes grieve.
So I guess this is it cause everyone’s out to get me.
And now I feel like it’s time to take the final leap.

When your mind is against you where do you go?
What if the only thing keeping you going is hope?
What if every ounce of happiness gets washed away by the toxic patterns of your mind?
I don’t know about you but I think we’re running out of time.
Why did destiny cross our paths?
I know I have it in me to make this last.
But I’m damaging our ties.
Forcing you to hide.
If only I could tame my mind.

My misconstrued fate left me with nothing.
Believe me when I say that when it came to the truth I was never bluffing.
They used to have so much power over me, and they’re always ******* me over.
Maybe that’s why I never had a chance.
And in the past anything that came to mind was spoken.
I’d rather be me and the way I was when I was broken.
I’m still damaged beyond repair but in a different sense.
Things are so distorted now, trust me it’s immense.
So many people weaseled their way in.
And now I’m left with my own sins.
Maybe it’s not much but I regret it all completely.
Is it fear I’m holding? Or did they really make me worse than them because I’m still breathing?
I can’t accept myself or any of this mindless nonsense.
Why do the get a thrill out of the torment?
I don’t get how people end up like this unless it’s provoked.
I just hope things start to get better because I don’t know what’s left of my hope.

Lost. Left for dead. Waiting for everyone to give it a rest. I’m miserable at best. There’s nothing of value inside of me, just thorns throughout and polluting what used to be mine in my head.

Where’s your jugular I want to rip it to shreds. Start at you knee caps and tear open your heads.
I don’t care what you have planned next.
Because I hate you all so much I want the whole universe dead.

Don't remember when we were friends.
Don't remember faking happiness in my presence and your vain personas in my despicable hand.
Dont remember any smiles or laughter that were passed.
Dont remember my name or your ruthless plans.
Dont remember me because in reality you were never there.
Dont remember me because I'm less valueless than wallpaper or a chair.
Dont remember any good that was ever instilled.
******* all I hope you all rot without any good will.

Destined to walk alone down this staggering and winding road. I guess this life has taken its toll. And my bones can’t withstand the cold. There’s nowhere left to go, I hope things get easier as I find a new place to call home.

A life of deceit,
What a condescending feat.
I’m left crippled, deaf and blind.
Where does anyone have left to hide?
I found my way out of their disguise.
But now I’m running out of time.
I’m still searching for the real version of me.
But I’m lost in this mess and it’s hard to see.
So what’s left of their plan?
They’re becoming so predictable so I guess I know where I stand.
Cold and alone and lost at sea.
Whoever I was, they corrupted and buried, and thrown away the key.
So am I really being myself?
Their trick is so planned out and I feel mostly doubt.
why is the world so cruel?
I’ve burned myself out, I have no more fuel.
So in what feels like the end for me,
I’ll try to keep a smile on and focus on keeping my sanity.