Truth was a breath
of cold November air
Escaping from her soft lips
Truth was warm
a breath of purpose
A spoken word
Tasting sweet nuance
A fresh, crisp blow
of season's new flair
Something so subtle
yet undoubtedly alive.

mistaken as civil,
but I am just still.
I am just sitting.
perfectly,
remarkably still.

THIS.  IS.  LOVE.  

yell it until the vein on the side of your temple pulsates, pulsates in my 21 year old mind

yell it until the bruises are gifts

yell it until the anxiety is your inspiration

Dear First Love,
When it comes down to it,
I would still do anything for you.

I would still throw down my life,
And give up everything,
If you asked me to.

I will always love you,
No matter if you ever loved me but
Part of me thinks you did, otherwise
I don't think you would've cried twice,
And honestly,
I don't really know what I'm doing without you
By my side.

Dear first love,
I honestly want to scream “*******”
At the top of my lungs
Because you made a habit
Of using me for nothing but your entertainment.

You would disappear for months at a time,
At one point, even a few years,
And would only text because you were lonely.
Because I was an outlet that you knew I would fall into
Your arms time and time again.

Dear first love,
I am finally standing up to you.
I am finally not letting you take advantage of me.
I am finally being strong enough to let you go,
Because being away from you, fully, 100%
Made me realize
I really don’t need you.

Dear first love?
*******.

Suicidal thoughts plague my entire being.
There are days I want to take my life.
I get ignored by the people
Claiming to be my friends.
I sometimes wonder,
How different everyone's lives would be,
if I was dead.

I haven't written anything in over a month,
and I think it was my medication
That actually made me a tad bit better.

But the problem was I was so tired.
My grades started dropping.
I couldn't fight it.
I was a liar.

People would ask, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, just a bit of a rough day," I'd say.

It's not getting me far.

I've been hospitalised twice in my life,
Carried by an ambulance once,
and I've tried committing thrice.

Suicidal thoughts plague my entire being.

If silence speaks louder than words,
Why was I not heard?

If people wanna hurt you,
They're not worth it.
They're not worth fighting for
Like you thought they were.

And I know you just wanna help,
But baby, save your energy,
It's not worth it.