Thankful for Lexi
Thankful for Kevin
Life is growing
I am settling
I am growing

Thank you Lexi
You bring light to darkness
Thank you Kevin you bring Hustle to laziness
Thank you sun
You bring joy to pain
Thank you running
You bring ease to mind

Thank you bukowski
You bring words to life
Thank you Hemingway
You are brilliant
Although you do still bore me at time. (still thankful tho)
Thank you mom
You taught me who a women is
Thank you father
You taught me who a man is

Thank you god
You saved me from abuse
Thank you Mary
You showed me kindness
Thank you pope Francis
You showed me mercy

Thank you fish
You taught me peace
Thank you bed
You taught me everything

I love life
I love this life
I love growing
I'm making the right steps in life
I'm making myself best
I'm investing in myself
I love myself

But baby I love you more

I still have not met you
But I love you more than all
You are my happiness
and until I meat you
Fine will be just that

I won't see sunny days until I see you
Forever a rainy day will be my favorite

That is until my ray of sunshine shows me the joys a light filled day has to Offer

My love I hold you endlessly in my heart,
I pray for you daily sweetheart and I can't wait to meet you

As I lay in bed I hold you near
And until then
Be well
I love you
I'm making myself best for you
for junior
For everyone

Goodnight my love. I'll be seeing you

Today my therapist asked me about suicide.
My insides collapsed
I hunched over and didn’t allow myself to cry
I felt a weakness capture my entire body in a way that made me feel cold
The word suicide came out of my mouth weighing a ton and upon final release of the word… again my body shriveled and again I didn’t allow myself to cry
The word now rings in my head
Talks me to the ledge
And makes me think about what It is to live
This word which has once been silly
Now encompasses my entire body
Without treatment I may have never known suicide
That is,
Until it was too late

Tedd. Tedd are you there
Tedd it's officer falìz, I need to talk to you
Tedd your mother told us
It's ok ted you are going to be ok
Please let me in ted it's only myself
... door opens
Thank you
How are you doing today
Fine
Are you safe?
Yes
No harm?
No
Ok
So tell me
-what's going on
What do you mean what's going on?
Tedd your mother told me about her
Where is she and why have you done this
I'm not telling you
- I didn't do anything and I want you to leave
Tedd please work with me. You're safe with me
How can I tell you when I see you in uniform
- how do I know you don't have a wire
- or that you arnt going to arrest me or turn me in or whatever you superficial narcs do.
Tedd please work with me, I talked with your mother and she told me everything
I know Teresa hurt you badly. And she had no right to and you even had right to react but tedd this has happened before and we need to start doing something about this
I don't need help. I don't need to tell you and I don't need my ******* mother telling you what I tell her in privacy
- now please leave before I do to you what I did to Her
Are you threatening me tedd?
Just please leave
I'm not leaving until I see her
Well then ur going to have to go to the grave because I killed her
Ted please tell me this isn't true
It is true. And now I'm to **** you
Ted please don't do this.
And because you know now and because you're a cop I have to **** you.
Ted please we can get you help and get you out of here without trouble and you can have a normal life again.
Hahahaha what the **** is normal. I haven't know normal a day in my life. I haven't know normal since normal was too kind to see.
I suggest you leave now so you don't have to see your own death.
Tedd I'm not going to leave
Fine
Tedd put the gun down
Leave
I'm not leaving
Three
Put it down tedd
Two
I swear to god tedd put the ******* gun down now
One
*two shots ring
Send an ambulance we have a victim down
923 Jackson blvrd
8:27 am Tuesday morning of march the 12th
Tedd Nelson Roberts the subjects named
History of mental disorders and recent disturbances
- thank you officer falìz on our way


Tedd I told you I wasn't going to leave and we could have helped
..... I didn't **** her, she killed me

Instagram made me realize just how many fish there are in the sea
You always hear the saying but never believe it's truth within the heat of the moment. The question is, is this good or is this bad?
When you realize just how many beautiful people there it assures you, for a moment at least. That mr right or mrs right is out there and my are they beautiful. I see her now perfect from her lips to her nips. From her hair to the way she promptly sits in her chair. But something else happens, it shoots at your own ego and kills your self assurance. You start to think well maybe I'm not as hot as I think I am. How could I ever be with any of these people. Or worse, I don't like her because the women in front of me can't conspire to the women I see on Instagram, photoshopped to the waist, spray tanned out, teeth artificially whitened, makeup two inches thick and beyond reality. And we're caught, trying to play beautiful and trying to chase beautiful... I don't know it confuses me and makes me mad. I just hope to find someone real and someone more beautiful on the inside than they are on the out - as cliché as that sounds. But really it's something Instagram can't show. Which is why I should probably delete Instagram.

tomorrow
tomorrow i hate you
tomorrow you make me not want to go to bed
tomorrow you *****
tomorrow you stole me
tomorrow you take away my today
tomorrow, you come like an unwanted guest
tomorrow when i see you i wish you would just go away
tomorrow you drive me crazy....er
tomorrow goodbye, forever   -today