I often picture you and I, in my minds eye.

What we could have been? Where we could have gone?
What we could have done?

When I picture us, we are together in the perfect union. A flawless partnership.

My strengths are the pillars to support your weaknesses, and yours to mine.

Our love is the indescribable force which motivates me to do better in times of challenge and That support us in times of pain.

Why can't you see? It is a true injustice that you cannot!
I long for an end to this limitation.

I yearn for you to be able peer into my minds eye, even for but a moment. To see what we could be.

Disappointment.
I constantly feel it from you.

Hope.
I feel this each time. Will it get better? This reminds me that I love you, still.

Suffering.
To love is to suffer? No truer words have been spoken.

Desperation.
Yes, for when my love for you is unfulfilled. This feeling debuts.

Emptiness.
When you and I are not in each others arms, this emotion shows its ugly face.

Happiness.
A distant memory.

Love.
The only reason these words have been produced. The only light in this pitch black tunnel. The silver lining that may shine bright still. The supreme power that ignities my life. The eternal energy that fuels my happiness.

I laid there with you
And we watched your phone ring
Time after time
These girls kept calling

We laid there all night
And we counted the stars
But each time we got to ten
We had to start over

Because these girls kept interrupting
Don't they know your mine at night?
They can have you tomorrow
When the moon fades away and gives permission to the light

Under the moon your kisses are mine
They must wait their turn
I have stolen your heart, therefore you give me your nights
Their place, they must earn.

I'm fighting to stay a decent girl
And you're just fighting to keep me,
I've torn myself to pieces up and down this house,
Trying to remember who I used to be.
Your holding on so tightly,
To a dream that I once wanted,
A dream that left me long ago,
That now just leaves me haunted.
You and me, in love forever
Surrounded by life so simple,
This dream that I held so dearly
Turned out to be so fickle.
You were reckless with my heart
And that dream quickly shattered,
I think just to keep me sane
I pretended it didn't matter...
That girl who felt deep love is gone
But I want her back so desperately,
Do you think that if I call her
She will come back to help me?
When she left she took that dream
And what was left over of my love,
She left me as an empty shell
Only to remember who I was.
She left us here together
Maybe she thought I would just follow..
Every day I sit here and pray
That she may come back to me tomorrow

Knee socks
Lace bra
Satin robe
Matching thong

Hair down
Makeup on
Finger rings
Necklace from my mom

Knitted blanket
Love movies
Hot coffee
Poetry

Would be so much better
If you were here with me.

I regret turning on this movie
I have to walk away
I can't watch her suffer his cruelty,
I can't watch her endure ****.
His abuse and her torture
I feel goosebumps and I cringe
I leave the room before I *****
Because I hate being reminded of him.
All these years later
You would think I'd be fine
But I'm not, and I can't stand it
The experience lingers in my mind.
I hate that to this day, I still flinch at night
And I yell in my sleep
I hate that I can't talk about it with anyone
Because I don't want to be seen differently.
I ******* hate being reminded of you
Showers and rhymes don't make me feel better or clean
I hate that I blame myself so harshly for that night
But I let myself down; I was the only one who could have saved me.

Let me tell you how I see this now
If you make no changes and decide to stand your ground
If you never open up and believe that I will leave
One day I promise what you fear, it shall be.
You don't want to cut ties with women in your past,
For just in case we don't work, you have a backup plan..
But these past women will keep interfering with us even if you choose to ignore,
Because I can't overlook the fact that you have one foot in and the other out the door.
You said you've been here before and you don't see how this will last
So eager you are to say goodbye, I wish you'd slow down before we crash
I can't help you see what I see, you don't feel what I do
I didn't want to do this, but now I have to let go of you.

I want to disappear
Leave no note
Erase my existence.
Fade away
like dead leaves
From sycamore trees

I can't stand it
I feel too much
I say more than I should
I cover my mouth
But I can't take it back
When will I learn
I'm so naive
So quick to run
At the slight chance
It will burn

I don't want to care
Even after you leave me
Time and again
Just standing, there
My mind is racing
My thoughts always
So complicating

My eyes see
But I don't know
I don't care
I don't care
Yes you care
I don't want to care
This hurts too much
I try to be strong
I've tried for too long

Should I quit
Surrender this heart of mine
Would it be so kind to die
To wave my condition
On the tears
of my mother,
father,
sister,
brother,
foe

No, not I
I didn't come this far
To ditch my life
Or to spit on my name
My birthright is claimed
And my purpose lay waiting
Though I know glory is laid
in the hands of my father.
Yet, still look at me, I falter
So quick to jump
That much is clear
So quick to love
Whom do I fear

Dear inner me
I say to you
Pity the fool
Who turns from you
You are everything
You are the essence of truth
You are love wrapped in clover
You are divine
And your soul is a fire
Those too weak can't carry
Don't aspire to capture the liar
Just desire the light within you
There you'll find the proof
Your strength is of many mountains
From Generations passed
To Generations come
Your worries are of only a mustard seed
Your heart is the greatest
And it is the capsule you read to world
I ask you to lay in wait
For much more is to come to you
Rise and claim your victory