Having no place in which to begin
thoughts are at best, random
there is this silence that waits with me
wrapping me like a blanket
part wants to sleep,
but others parts aren't ready
so sitting here, hoping to create
giving away another little piece
to demonstrate the hard things
the inner voice and heartache
those precious things unto this web
of minds that feel, and eyes that see
giving out the truth, the causes
the casualties, everything
thinking maybe chords might ring
to a few or many, if any

Eyes may seek throughout a thousand lifetimes

To find upon the very definition of light

Magenta, through to the blue, green red even yellow

Stretching ground to ground too far away to touch

So bright and a sight

But that gift of that trick of light dies the moment one's angle becomes skewed

Rainbows Die too.

Vividly the dream is playing
I am an actor as well as witness
As the pursuit unfolds in confusing
Scene after scene as dread closes in.
If do not wake, or wait to see the end
I hear my conscious saying
I may never wake again.  
So I will myself to the here and now
Bolting up to opening eyes
That dart and survey surroundings
Drinking in the painful light
I am safe, it was a dream
Though the sense of foreboding
Lingers all that day.
Am I safe?  
Afraid to sleep and slip beneath
As what waits is waiting
Am I safe?

I hope he is better than me
How the difficult choices are made
Learning through my mistakes
Shared the worst to disbelieving eyes
Fell a few rungs that day
To him I would not dull down jagged edges
He needs to see he can be better than me.
Mind your choices in friends
Believe you are above the obvious
Words can't take away when you know the truth.
You don't have to and so what if they do
You're better then me Son
Leave doors open and aim high as you can
See what you can do

From all black and forgotten
Another place and time
We choose to become this
At least for one life's time
These bodies are our anchor
Make possible these adventures
And without we must return home
To become mortal for a moment.
Is to remember the power of emotions
Something the timeless forgot.

Feel it and devour the texture,
wrap yourself tightly within
the sweet sticky taste of goodness
Would be folly for me to not want this
Believe, believe such conviction
as do these sighs I breathe
it is that, that can never prove itself pointless
Look and lay your harsh eyes down
upon the glowing coals of what remains
as this is, built up to contrast my indignant masks
Sell no less that the answer now
As I have it, I haven't as of yet known by touch
Treasure such as this, coarse, terrifying and perfect
So long the pendulum escaped the **** it caused,
age defines the difference from that reflected warmth
recollecting the dawn of my placement
they are waiting, feel it aching within
down and throughout to every cell I shed
home is calling it will not fade, so patient
Where foundations of ever lasting acceptance
disappointment is but a condition of unconditional
I see that light burns yet, even though regardless
my foolish, selfish ways have crashed as waves
against the cliffs of that place I step and fell away from
Pierces the night of my ignorance, carrying me
as the mothers arms to the babe, and love
is exactly the light that never faded,
I will be okay, I am home.  I am home.
I remember , the place that held me
A warmth, the like I want to know
They, the only unconditional
Grounding my reason, they are my own
It is late, so long now I have played
I feel it, it is time and I know they wait
a single lamp burns, showing my ways
I must find this, light piercing darkness
So that when they wake, I will be safe
I think it is past time, I find my way home

A little spec of dust
Casually drifting
Floating, bathed in sunlight
Falling lightly
To a gentle rest then
Upon my heart
Right there
On a shelf cluttered
Alongside pride
Ego and reason.
Bottled tears, volatile
Layered in the dust
Of the forgotten
Magic that is her attention

My red face in my hands
Pride dropped lack of nothing
Save relaxation or doubt
Any kind, brings folly

I no longer practice
Too easy to hide from eyes
That shift, dialog broadcast
With no words from lie laden lips
Troubled smiles please end it
One more bump of judgment
To bring down the guilt upon
Beneath the avalanche finally
Smiling at my luck in fact
Free of the mess of existence
This state that is...
Hoarding
T

In either way, two horizon lines
One is from which I've made my way
My yesterday's and every scene I've seen
To this brief hesitant moment between
I which my place of reflection plays
Ahead are the days unknown to me unplayed
What lay in wait for me there?
The moment ends as time again my master
Another moment to mark such acceptance
Better i face what is to come than pretend at any way to change or revisit those of my yesterday's as this cannot be done.

Doubts weave so easily
Wading into unknown
Ways of doing something new
The weight of others faith
What if misplaced
Terrifying scenes of failing
Weaknesses in me haunting
To do my best is all I do
I am trying and always aware
The consequences of finding
My best as it is found wanting
I am afraid and I
Must keep on trying.  
No other choice have I
I will do.  I will continue
Trying.

All the combined parts of me
Agree that there might be something.
A new view on old ways same wants
Only part of me wants all at once
Another is any amount will do
The frightened part says caution
While my trusting part in me
already forgave you
There are areas of ego
Shallow as they can be
The combined whole of who I am
Who I was, who I want to be
All of them missed you.

Tried at this
Sharing
Wool like sweaters
Warmth
Perspective scoping vantage
To find inconclusively
Life is lived conscious
But mostly
Busy and rushed
Lived either way

In the stagnant safety of my lower levels
The dangerous daylight claws and creeps
To remind my drifting mind of life and time
For a single moment a spark of desire flares
Bright and brilliant in its piercing cry
Calling to the husk of He I do so inside reside
Action stand and strive for more fight for life
Shed the shackles the lovingly have held me
Wipe clean established programmed thoughts
Step out into the world from which you hide
That brilliant spark and its thoughts flicker
Fade and my numbness this locked away safe
Unfeeling state create the familiar lack of need
Brush away such desire and as I sit more time more life and days pass by but still the day tries.

Who?  Will You?
Comments will guide
Yours? My own.
No more tonight
shall I write alone

Collaborate any direction
as few or as many as creativity condones
So I plead for random acts
Of kindness being a collaboration

Who might answer?  You?
I hope, and I wait... Comment below
Lets create and together tonight
Know for one night,
we were not alone...

The blue-grey clouds  bleed south
Behind the agitated greens swaying
It seems the wind has picked up
The storm is on the horizon now
Inside is my reason for venturing
But I must stay strong and remain out
Away from the un wanting, uncaring
At a safe distance less my will collapse

Never had it that way...

Never felt that side of leaving.

Haven't heard pain,

pleading for me to please, please not leave...

Baby please stay...

Haven't made the choice to stop feeling...

On the other side of leaving

its always been me on the damaged end

Not to be, must be something.

Or is it more difficult?

How would I explain?

When I don't fully understand...

Hearts change?

Could I let you down just to walk away?

All while knowing...

Having myself felt that pain,..

I've never had it that way.

The other side of leaving

Looking up from the inward way that I had been facing,
I found my hands upon the wheel and that the dawn was fast made real.
The distance between consciously steering and commanding my purpose
And the autonomous routine I was living was becoming Less and less.
When did I want this?

Counted moments passed us
Though the light of her eyes held
The longing inside mine

To take back, is only to remember
So you must keep that view.
Two halves, flipped to the sound
Of you calling heads to win it
With wind knock out, I sink down
Saw you celebrating, some other then
One of them hand in hand
And I didn't want the breath
That my lungs were fighting to take in
It seem right to let them win,
After losing what I did, all I did
Everything you ever said, you never did, I play poorly now here I am
Watch you, another man,
Come to find he was the first of them
They would become many
And every one if them took from me
What I thought I ever wanted.
But they got had same as the last
And as I breathed in I aligned a new view, one in which I am better off with out the likes of you

What do we use words for?
We haven't communicated lately
I blurted out the hope
Met against open denial
Then without, and pushed
Growing distance
The Empty Air Between us.

EVEN IF WE DON'T LAST...
I STILL CONFESS, I DO LOVE YOU.

CLEAR THROUGH EVER AFTER...
EVEN AFTER, THIS HAS LEFT YOU.

I WILL CONFESS, I LOVE YOU STILL.

Have you ever been at a place in your life that makes you unhappy and there's nobody to blame but yourself?  

Ever appreciate the good things in life by understanding one day you will be through this?  It can't last forever.  

Had so much going on that is working towards the better tomorrow, at the cost of knowing yourself today?

Looked back at all those underappreciated moments, or the ones you let go of that didn't want to let go of you and couldn't even beat yourself up for it because you deserve this?  

Loneliness is a state of being that is often self induced.  Once in place it makes us waste ourselves on wishing it would change.

I need to change.  I need help.  Or else I can't say I'll ever be myself again.

I am a problem yet mastered
Admittedly difficult
Too old to be flawless
Younger then if parted
Never vowed to nor for
Best man runner up
More than one chosen
I can be great but I'm not
I'm this way, this place
Too broken and not worth it
I'll probably never be the one
For any I come to love
I'll bore or circle talk away interest
I will die like this.  
Lonesome.

My mind is pressed upon
Imagine sinking phantoms
Such pressure crushing
But there where light is memory
The scalpels behind these eyes
As if held by ruthless thought
Are killers that attack in the bright light situations and then
Writing..  then... Is out down...
To rest my eyes and to end this ******* head ache again

Calibrate the beating heart
Upon such scale so precise
As that which fate's gaze
In time, endlessly exacting
Takes, takes, knowing
Not caring, it takes
Right until a heart does beat
It's ending....


And then,..

no more.