The curtain closes after the bow
Creaking leather shoes start their step
Exit stage left
Applause
Silence

tap tap tap tap

Time stands as still as his heart
and a question ****** his mind
if his words were empty
or just the audience?

He got into this business to hurt
to feel something
It was his drug, after all
But he finally healed
Years later
A smile touches his scars

tap tap tap tap

Exit stage left
'Til death, does he art

Do you hear that sound?
That horrible sound.
Do you know what it is?

Is it an iceberg forming?

Crackling and crashing,
Glacier losing its child,
Broken into the ocean,
Lost and adrift forever.
No.

Is it a tree falling?

All alone in the forest,
Nobody to hear it die,
Tumbling towards gravity,
Deadly somersault below.
No.

Is it a heart breaking?

Passions toned down to blank,
And sheets empty and cold, lost.
Unfathomable reason, love gone,
As yet just another year falls away.
No.

Is it a soul weeping?

The sound of shattered glass hitting the floor as she walks out of bed, still mourning the loss of him.
The sound of an empty beer bottle clinking against the bar counter as he remembers the children he can't see.
The sound of a growling stomach as the child rummages through the trash pile seeking to feed his toddler sister.
The sound of martyrs being slain in silence, with not a single eye passing their way.
The sound of a Father's heart breaking as one sheep gets separated from the other ninety-nine.
Yes.
That's the sound.

I miss your silhouette in bed next to me at night.
I know you had to go, and I know you were right.
I still want you here to hold so tight.
You helped me through, healed me too
You held me together with duct tape and glue.
But now you're gone, gone away for good
No more embraces on my car's hood.
Here I am, simply wishing we were sweaty and naked, holding each other in our arms.
But it's too late...

I'm a lighthouse
I guide so many
And keep them
From battering
Against the rocks

But they also know to stay away
From me

They should
Stay away from me

I'll burn them down
I'll break their hearts
I'll rip their spirit
I'll drown them

So let this light guide you
But don't dare come ashore
This keeper is a hermit

a sigh will suffice
despite the noise i wish to say
heaviness holds the words down
so silent memories will have to do

Why is it when I talk to you
   the only reply I get is my echo?
I'm pushing so hard to change
   & you just seem to ignore me...

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so very sad,
Not that anyone ever knows I'm sad,
Because I'm a master of disguise,
Happiness I wear in perfection.

Sometimes I wish I had no heart,
Everyone says I have a big heart,
They don't know it's broken in so,
Many inconceivable ways.

There is no vice that can dull me anymore,
Believe me when I say I'm incapable of numbness.

My heart has been longing,
Like a thirsty man longs for,
A drop of water,
In desert heat.

But there is no quenching for my poor heart.
Every oasis turns to a mirage in time,
And water holes dry up revealing cracked clay.

Somewhere, buried in a mountain of sand and salt,
Is a heart that had so much love to give,
But died of thirst on his journey.

Pig headed stud you are
Loving all the girls you collect
Like they're pokemon or baseball cards
You don't love any of them at all, do you?

You just put them in plastic like a trophy
And you display them luxuriously
So everyone sees how well you fish
But guess what, bud? You are owned by them.

You could've had the best love ever
But you had to keep collecting
And now she's dying inside
But you're already dead to her

So when you're broken and alone
Remember:
She'll be happy and free
You lost a treasure
She just lost a dime

Come the summer outro, shall we dance in the rain of this season, or make rain in grief of lost time?

I have forgotten how to breathe
yet my lungs keep me alive;

I am losing everyone
because I lost myself;

I am falling apart
splinter by splinter;

I am now lost
the walls break down;

Who am I;
What is in the mirror these days?

Violent dreams curse my vain tries at sleeping,
**** and death await my closed eyes,
Like a siege schemed by my mind,
Not letting me forget I'm always dead.

My thoughts, still waking, slip to slumbering darkness,
Terrified of the horrors my mind generates.

Zombies don't eat brains;
Demons do.

I'm here in the Red Light District of town
But I'm not here to feast on the cheap flesh
I'm looking for something here, hiding in the open
There's escorts on every corner, men and women trying to make some money. Through open doorways I catch glimpses of strippers and live *** shows. I move on.

I found it nestled in between two abandoned buildings
A small warehouse, for a long time dormant, but holding a gathering this night
I step through the doors and am greeted by a sight I'd never seen before: prostitutes and strippers, both male and female; pimps, gangsters, loan sharks, all kinds of deplorable characters. Except the man at the front speaking.

Wearing a simple long sleeve T-shirt, battered jeans and sneakers, the pastor opened the Bible to the book of Hosea.
The words he spoke I'd heard before, but I was moved by them like never before. He spoke of God's love like I'd never heard it. So many were brought to tears, myself included.

When he had finished, we all sung "Amazing Grace." It was sung like it was a brand new song. I looked around at the people gathered this night and I thought to myself that this is the most real church I'd ever seen. Every person knew what we all were and that was okay; we're all humans.
This is the Red Light Church.

Anxiety is depression without the resignation;
the teetering hope on the cliff edge, not knowing if it will fall or right itself.

Let there be no dawn from the sun,
I wish it not to be,
The dark pits of my mind's eye,
Leave me withering,
Cradling any hope and goodness,
But it is dead in my arms,
Like a smothered infant child,
My tears turn to blood,
Fingernails claw rock as I slide,
Further down,
Echoes rise up this chasm,
Earth falls on me...

Can't carry a cross
Through sin's frosts
In this frozen hell
Under a crystal spell
Trying to stay alive
But I really need a revive
Because I'm taking a nose dive
And I can't contrive
Locked in this wretched maze
Under a demonic gaze
If only I could give You praise
I could see that You always
Amaze

Well these days I'm not fine
Sitting and staring at flowers that aren't mine
Breathing a breeze that smells of seawater
Thinking of my heart beneath those distant waves

I need someone but no one can help me
Everyone says to "get some help please"
What does that look like through my lenses?I

Help for you is not help for me
Help for them is not help you you
Help for me is a mystery

Shrouded and ambiguous
It flies like migrating birds far beyond my reach

Holding so many secrets of so many people
Everyone confides in me their darkest deeds
I'm not sure why people trust me so much
I haven't done anything to earn it
Except keeping my mouth shut

But I want to say thank you for trusting me
Those who have confided in me
I see you at your worst moments
And I see the beauty in you
I won't ever let go of you guys

I'm just here at 11:15pm
writing at a **** screen
for some **** reason
I forgot when I lost my
******* heart.

I don't feel anymore
don't know why
where my heart was
a paper wrapper sits
saying expired

My head just as empty
saying hello to the fairies
that don't exist in my world
just a lot of fallen angels
slowly dying.

But this **** screen
doesn't solve my issues
that I can't resolve because,
*for ****'s sake I'm not me
anymore

The pupils of eyes, gateway to the soul
A scorpion, venomous and painful
Crows and ravens, ominous
Black Pearls, rare and priceless
Caves, deep and winding
Igneous rocks, sharp, cutting
The emptiness of space, vast
Spider, waiting and weaving
The shadows of your mind, dark
Blackness of your soul, swallowing

An apple fell from a tree
As I tried to breathe
The color violet
Which I thought was brilliant
But it filled me with rabbits
Who wanted some porridge
From this refrigerator door
Which I meant to plant in my living room
So I could marry my little loving broom
Which was pink and red and dusty
Like a flowing dove in the sky
Flittering bright and high
Only we live to sleep
In bathtubs of clay
Which I'm okay
As they are deep

I guess you solved me like a Rubik cube,
Put me in your closet,
And let me choke on a lifetime of dust.

My mind feels cold, damp, dark,
A cracked stone drips water down,
Drip drip drip drip drip,
Everything recedes away revealing,
More darkness, shadows of darkness,
Everything is slipping away into,
A thousand shades of grey and dullness,
The precious jewels, valued metals,

They have corroded and turned to black ash,
Leave them at the still riverbed. Stilled by death,

Companion, my only companion,
A raven, and a crow,
Each pecking at an eye,
Trying to break into my soul,
I loved you, locked it away,
And now I love nothing,
I have sacrificed myself for you,
Walking into the grey sunset,
Remember me.

I finally understand how much I hate myself

I'm sorry for clinging too tight to the people I love,
I'm sorry for the addiction ruining friendships,
I'm sorry for the people who I hurt inadvertently,
I'm sorry for having my heart continually bleed
I'm sorry my friends can never stay a part of my life,
I'm sorry my mind is a stew of PTSD and abandonment,
I'm sorry my body has felt the blade to ease the pain,
I'm sorry my heart is so shattered I can't love past friends,
I'm sorry I ever trusted certain people not to hurt me,
I'm sorry I've always been alone and don't understand people,
I'm sorry I always talked straight because I hate ******* games,
I'm sorry I either try too hard or give up too easy,
I'm sorry that hope has taken it's leave from me,
I'm sorry that my faith became critically wounded,
I'm sorry that I was a let-down since I was a child,
I'm sorry that family never really felt like family,

I'm sorry for the hurt, the misery, the agony, the pain,
I'm sorry for the things *i can't change...

The words won't form,
And the muse is silent.
Mind, imagination, passion,
All clotted up, bottled, under pressure.

Amid a maelstrom of emotions,
  My heart is doomed and languid.
A broken love, tattered devotions,
  Falling hopes and rising anguish.

Carelessly wounded, my heart crawls,
  Foolishly forsaken my glorious Lord.
Surrounded by my collapsed sand walls,
  The loss was a cost I can't ever afford.

The stars in the night have
a shimmer
Not so delicate any more
For my eyes have been dimmed
They wonder ever astray
Horizon ever there and
My knees fold with exhaustion
My needs never full and
I am tired again
Our ships have crossed these shores
But they are stranger every time
Or are we just strangers together
Sharing this moment in time