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Izan Almira Jun 21
He was ten.
“What is suicide?” he would have said.
But when anger rose he hit himself,
knowing that it should be taken out—
weeded out—
but fearing to slash out.
He was a calm kid because he feared rage.
When he stopped hurting his body,
his words became unkept,
his tears hot with red,
his fists clenched.
He got into fights.
Then he stopped anger all over again,
yet his arms became marked with bites once again.
jajan't
  May 31 Izan Almira
Maryann I
She bites the pomegranate—
not with hunger,
but with a soft kind of ache,
like remembering a song too late at night.

Juice ribbons down her wrist
in rivulets of rubies,
sanguine silk,

each seed a small beating heart
she swore she’d never swallow.

The orchard hums—
a low, bone-deep thrum of honey-thick dusk,
where shadows sleep in the eyes of foxes,
and the air tastes like cinnamon secrets.

There is gravity in sweetness,
a tug between teeth and truth.
She thinks: love is a fruit with a rind too thin to protect it
and eats anyway.

Inside her chest:
a garden blooming in reverse—
petals folding,
color bleeding into absence,

the sound of something unripening.

She is full now—
of myth, of molten memory,
of something holy and ruinous.
She smiles,
and the world forgets
what season it is.
  May 31 Izan Almira
Mary Huxley
It’s not the heartbreak that screams.
It’s the silence that follows.
The way someone becomes a stranger
while their memories still live in your chest.
How they laugh with others the way they used to with you—
and you pretend it doesn’t sting.
You act okay.
You smile.
But inside, you're mourning someone who’s still alive,
just no longer yours.
  May 31 Izan Almira
kaya
like glass glued back together,
i’m holding my pieces tight;
scared the cracks will open,
and spill out all the light.
Izan Almira May 30
It doesn’t even feel good anymore;
there is no reason, nothing that makes it worth it.
There is nothing new in the feeling. In the action.
But like air, I still need it. I still do it.
Do it on repeat like a song on a CD-player that has already grown old
but got stuck months ago.

When I do it, I feel disgusted. Disgusted with myself.
Disgusted with my life.
But know what? It’s better than not doing it—
than letting the thoughts invade my heart;
than letting the thoughts take hold of my arms,
make them move without my permission.
I prefer this numbness— this disgust—
over living in my own body; the shed it has become.
Izan Almira May 29
I never eat at break.
It started with recklesness;
it always starts like that.
Forgetting to pack up food in the mornings
where I could hardly get up.
The first days,
weeks,
months,
I was hungry.
Yet still every morning I forgot,
like an animal surviving in the present would.

Over time,
I forgot hunger too.
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