Loneliness is a record player
Sitting in an attic
With no record

It is when you look into life’s mirror
And see you’re not alone
You see the monster of your mind creeping up behind you
Whispering loud enough that only you can hear

Loneliness is the loudest silent scream of them all
Yet no one can hear how loud you feel it
Through any bathroom stall

I can't cut
No more
No
No
No
I promised

But the feelings are so strong
Overflowing me
I need them to pour down my arm
And out of my body

I can't
I can't be that weak
I just need to breathe
...
My lungs fail me

But no
No
No
I can't reach for it
Not allowed
Not anymore
Done with that, right?
I really just want to grab the knife
Razor
Needle
Anything
And end this misery
At least soothe it a little

But no
No
No
No
I can't

The dangerous thing for me is that I would die and excruciating death a thousand times just to make them smile once
And then I'll apologize if my screams from getting burned alive disrupted their sleep

And as soon as the door closes
I collapse on the floor
Gasping for air
What is wrong with me?

I am so much
I am too much
Too much everything
Clingy
Intense
Quiet
Loud
And I’m simultaneously somehow
Still not enough