I miss you everyday
These constant reminders dig into my brain
Like thousands of miners
Deep underground

I miss you all the time
Wishing you were here with me still
Longing to hug you
One last time

I miss you more then ever
Even after almost a year
The pain radiates in every beat
Of my still alive heart

dear future me,

i don’t really know why I’m writing,
except maybe I hope you're still listening.
today she left.
and I don’t know if she’s ever coming back.
she smelled like smoke and sweet things
and something sharp I couldn’t name.

she said she’d be back soon.
grandma hugged me so tight,
I thought maybe she was saying goodbye for her.
but I smiled anyway.
because I still had that kind of hope.
the kind that doesn’t know better yet.

I feel something inside me trying to curl up and disappear.
but there’s another part of me
the part that wants to yell,
to make someone come back,
to ask, “was I not enough to stay for?”

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
sometimes I laugh too hard just so I don’t cry.
sometimes I pretend I don’t care so no one asks.
but I do care.
I care a lot.

please don’t forget me.
don’t become so strong you stop feeling.
don’t cover me up with silence and call it healing.

whoever you are now,
i hope you still remember the sound of her leaving.
because it’s the only proof I have that I was here.

love,
me

You thought
you were special?
But a different tale
was told by your mirror!

mamma
Are you there?

I have something to say

it’s not much,
but it touched
me
I’m not dying
it’s not like that

but mamma...
Would you listen?

mamma
I helped someone
with words

no shouting
no eyes, trying too hard
it's not called art
but you do need your hands
typing I did
words so I said

I thought twice
to find the exact feeling
words that couldn’t be ignored
because the sentence
was built that way
just like I say

oh
You noticed I said "sentence"?
please don’t sigh

I know it’s not a full conversation
but maybe you should know
sometimes, a few words
are already what we need
before we start to bleed

things like:
"I’m proud of you"
"I love you"
"breathe in, breathe out,
we're not going to freak out"

so I took your job
before you could say stop

in fact
they were more than
sentences
I told
that person
but mamma
you had no clue

but the most important
faded away...
because
Did you notice I said helped?

...

this is stupid
don’t take your time
to listen
I’ll stop wishing

For some, family is blood.
For some, family is love.
For some, family is everything.
For some, it’s nothing.
But no one knows what family is.

I got a bird who checks on my health every morning.
Got a mother who wakes up early
to prepare some meal
and creates hygiene.

Got a father who works day and night
still making sure I sleep at night.

Got a naughty sister —
teases me all day, all night,
but still there when I cried.

I fight easily with anyone —
got a brother’s back to hide.

Got a lover who is polite.
Got some friends who know their boundaries.
Got some poets who don’t judge me,
even when I write bad poetries.

Got a vulture who comes at night,
making sure I sleep alright.

I know
I can still thrive without them in my life…
but then
I will head
to a meaningless life.

bandaids on my wrist.
i wish they worked.
i wish i did.