You don't want to meet me here
Torn between my hope and fear
A fallen angel lurking near
Is looking for an honest ear
The angels in a demons cloth
Impurities into the wash
A strength of which the weak will watch
When time is at a pricely cost
But you cannot teach the blind to see
Only feel, only be,
An insight that must come from thee:
To absolve the soul; I set it free.

He doesn’t even hear the phone.
His skin is melted to the  bone.
Flicking lighters, getting higher.
He awaits to beg the buyer
To get more, to get more,
His body aches and then it’s sore.
It’s the rush, it’s the sting
All the comfort that it brings
Til it’s gone, til it’s ceased
To his knees. Amen. Now, peace.
Carry on. This isn’t real.
Keep the secret. That’s the deal.
I’ll keep quiet. I will hide it.
I will do my best to fight it.
But the horse is at the water,
I am the lamb and this is slaughter.

​I am
Cold to the touch.

I wanted
Too much.

The world in my hand
I was hoping to clutch

I was searching for meaning
My demons convening
In need of the feeling
That kept me from healing

AND SET ME APART.

The only thing beating,
Inside of me, screaming,
From choking to breathing
My heart was left, bleeding.

Collapsed on the pavement
Cement of the basement
Writhing,
I repent.

On this linoleum floor
My angels are dying
And still,

I want more.

Be careful with that.
Well, it's running in my vein.
The devil on my shoulder
Is nestled in my brain.
Every time i think about it,
Im boxed in underground
Eluding all the answers
As I buy another round
Walking past the mirrors
Im not looking at myself
Im staring at the noose
Thats hanging from my shelf.
There could be a comfort there.
A certain kind of peace.
While I'm stuck inside this chapter,
I am lost within the crease.

Today is January 1st, wednesday, 3:48 pm. Hi, i just got home from grandma's/ We ate menudo and she had alot of food. Oh and happy new year. It feels the same i guess. I'm just on my bed. I'll probably just play a game. um i'll write later i guess. - 3:53 pm, E.C
    Um. I'm crying so much. I wanna cut so bad. I cant do this. Please help. I cant. I just cant. I wanna be gone. Just like bubba (my brother) said. I'm an embarassment. A disappointment. Why me Jesus. Why. WHY. I wanna cry but nenas in here. I can't take it much longer. I have to cut. I'm sorry.
   It's dark. I don't know where my knife is.
I'm going to cry myself to sleep.  I HATE MYSELF.
-8:28 pm, E.C.

carry on 5.7.25 (3:39 pm)
sure, maybe everything is going wrong
it’s always been ****** up
i was just too busy to notice

but we’ve always got to carry on
carry on,
carry on, hold your baggage close
hold a suitcase full of memories
wear a backpack full of grief
they might hurt your shoulders for now
but these kinds of things make you stronger

carry on,
carry the ones you love with you
carry on, always carry on

maybe you’ve lied
and maybe you’ll lie again
but we can forget and carry on

maybe you’ve betrayed me
and maybe you will again
but i can forgive
and carry on

carry on
because what else can we do?

[playing: imperfect for you by ariana grande]