Awaiting the news, we feared the worst and hoped for the best.
Life was about to put my family through an unforgettable test
Mom came in, evidence on her face, that granny wasn't okay
"Wita has cancer" mom cried.

I didn't sleep that night, that night was one of the worst
I have been to a funeral before, but I feared wita's would be the worst.
I cried myself to sleep, and little did I get
I wasn't ready to lose my  grandma yet

After the countless treatments and medicines,nothing seemed to work. I visited Wita in her bed, and I don't mean to be rude
But seeing her like this scared me, she looked like a skeleton decorated in tube.
It was exceptionally difficult not to cry, but I tried oh so hard.
I walked over, hugged Wita tight, and held her hand hard. I didn't want to leave her side.

I said in my head: Wita I hope you get well soon, I know you'll be okay
It's okay to be scared, we'll visit you everyday.
And when you get home, things will change, we won't ever fight, it's true.
Wita never give up, keep on fighting...
I don't want to lose you.

As her eyes closed, and she took her last breath
That was the moment my heart dropped, and I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't.
I hugged her for what felt like forever, cried on her, and quickly did time pass.
I never wanted to stop saying "I love you" for fear it would be the last.

Suddenly I was being pulled away, being told it was gonna be okay.
That was the worst day.

I'm tired.
Tired of everything.
I just want to sleep,
And never wake up again.

No, I'm not lazy,
I'm not running away from life.
I'm just tired of the world and myself,
And too tired to change anything.

Roses are red, Violets are dying
Outside im smiling and inside im fighting
With all of my fears that keep telling me to stop trying
And all night long i have been crying because im scared of hanging and dying.
Cutting my wrists like its nothing but i just wanted to feel something
My family doesnt care but i think i just found someone who might dare.
Dare to tell me to stop all this sadness and finally feel some real happiness.

Someone once told me " A woman who gives birth doesn't make her your mother. It's the nights they spend caring about you, looking out for you, giving you a roof to live under."
My mom REALLY lacked that.

It hurts so bad to sit back and think about all the times we had spent together, laughter filling the room but in reality it was just a face. A mask.
A mask who hid the woman that birthed me. A mask that hid the fact that maybe you shoudnt have had me if you lacked what it takes to BE a mother.

Yeah you bought me fun toys at the dollar store, told me to play video games if i was bored, but you didn't protect me.
You didn't protect me from the shouting and slamming between you and him.
You didn't protect me when you crashed into those bricks.
You didn't protect me when I was beneath the bed hearing glass smash.
You didn't protect me mom.
You just didn't.
Now you face the consequences of your actions and maybe, just maybe you'll regret having made such dumb, ignorant mistakes.

I'm sick of burying my friends.

I'm sick of saying that I'm sick of burying my friends.

I'm sick of planning ******* candle light vigils.

I'm sick of funerals, sick of grief, sick of the hole in my chest that keeps getting bigger.

We are so young. How are so many of us already dead? Why is it that every few months, someone that I love leaves this Earth?

It's not fair.

I'm sick of saying it's not fair.

I'm sick of "I wish i got to see you under better circumstances, but I missed you." I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of watching friends and parents and spouses and children cry. I'm sick of reminiscing on stories and looking at photos from lifetimes ago, when things were simple and we were happy.

I'm sick of "they'll always be with you."

I'm sick of "they live on through us."

I wish they'd just live.