Here is a secret I’ve kept for over four years.
There was a stack of letters I wrote you with the same title.
But over time I stopped writing.
Over more time, I tossed those letters out.
But now you are back in my mind,
and you hold a new space.
After too many failed relationships,
three people who have used me for their own desires,
and one specifically bitter heartbreak,
I see you in this new light.
I know with absolute certainty that you were my very first love.
I also know that you are the only person I have ever loved so purely and authentically.
So much so that this love for you remains with me still today.
I carry it in my heart, in secret.
But today I heard a song and I realized something else.
There are songs I have dedicated only to you.
Only to this innocent and pure love that was between us.
Never could I have given these songs to any other lover,
for the sheer reason that they have all crumbled and fell away.
But not you.
And my love, I have grown.
And I have journeyed so far from where you left me,
to realize that I will never again have you as my own.
And it is a reality I’ve learned to accept.
But those songs will remain yours…
Unless and until I can find someone who is truly capable of the love you give -
the love your soul has always readily available.
Someone loving and kind and pure-hearted.
For now they remain yours.