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My niece
made me bangle
of letters, stars, unicorns|
and colored beads

Then it hit me
that's her poem to me
a set of random things
that sit beautifully
side by side
around in a circle

and I noticed that
that's the first time
someone wrote
a poem
about
me
When I was small
I wrote a song.
It was as wild
As it was long.

I did not know
How to write words
And so I sang
With the morning birds.

Now I am grown,
I am depressed.
I write long things
Just to impress.

I do not sing,
I only sigh.
When I was small
I was alive.
No one listens
when you talk
in black and white
Only when
you color
the conversation
can you get them
to think twice
Black or White
they fight back
Turn to color
sweeten truth
Make it smell better
they hear only
what they want
Their minds
have become
untouchable
There is only
Silence
now
in the black
and white
At the door comes a knock or a beating
That demands an uncomfortable greeting
So you hide from the guest
And deny the request
For this most unavoidable meeting
~

moonlight spilling from her eyes
magic pouring from her lips
the universe in audience of her beauty
even the stars would weep with envy


~
promised you a new love poem
every day till forever arrives,
for it will until then to
exhaust the crazy no limit ways to communicate
how my love for you consumes my
fragility, uncovering my core of strength,
that is never exposed, but for/to you,

but for/to you

my unidimensional surface
unpierced,
no one sees what you x-ray,
and I fess willingly, with ease of mind,
that my secrets are safe stored best within
the borderless country where our ven
diagrams of souls
intersect with iron & steel & titanium
ribboned lines of inviolate invisible
pure white


here I stop
lest I die of  bursting,
and yet I weep
for us,

for
you,


no longer
read my poetry
music
Train “Marry Me”
Chris Stapleton “Thinl I’m in Love wit You”
Sara Bareilles “Grsvity”
The things you’ve said
The things that happened
Burned in my memories
I close my eyes
It all plays on repeat
Like a broken record
I walked along, hand in hand
Strolling towards the trees.
I was happy, had no care,
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I ran my hands, through the green,
Humming - carefree as can be.
I was content, and had no fear,
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I closed my eyes, to feel the breeze,
Smiling so blissfully,
I sighed, then, I remember -
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

I opened my eyes, and the trees were bare
Barren ground surrounded me -
I screamed, wordless, held on even tighter
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

The sky then bled, my mother screamed
As to why I couldn’t see
My dog barked, and I held on to
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

My mother looked at me, her mouth was open
Still screaming silently
The dog whimpered, why was it only
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

She then faded, I ran after
Holding my dog helplessly
I knew then that image was over, of
Just the dog, my mother, and me.

When I stopped, she was gone, and so was the dog
They were only memories.
Nightmares or dreams - the only way it can be
Just the dog, my mother, and me.
My mother was my best friend and confidant throughout my life. As an Autistic child with mental health problems I leaned on her heavily. After our family went through some severe trauma at which I was the centre, my mother and father became my complete family. When I had just turned 20 (Jan 2013), my mother passed away out of nowhere from a heart attack - I worked in our emergency department and was on shift when she was bought in DOA. I still miss her deeply.
She also got a dog who she absolutely adored. She said she would train it, make it obedient - and instantly caved to everything she wanted. I trained Boo (my dog) and when my mum passed away, Boo became my dog. A A couple of years ago, my dog went to stay temporarily with my aunt while I was sorting  my housing. She was in perfect health. A month later, I get a call from my father telling me my aunt has had her put down and spread the ashes due to a mysterious 'illness' that came from nowhere.

She didn't even let me say goodbye.
mental illness is the
most expensive thing
i've ever owned but
never wanted
05/30/2016
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