aslan

aslan Jan 2020

her

everywhere i turn
all i see is you
happy, with her
and not me
all i see are the promises
you made me
and ultimately broke
all i see is her
invading everything that used to be mine

literally everything, including my ******* minecraft mod pack :/

aslan Jan 2020

zebra stripes

and here you left me broken
laying back with my eyes
unfocused on the ceiling
with bloodied wrists in the fashion of a zebra

aslan Dec 2019

Untitled

you said you didn't want to be near me
and left me with the inability to breathe
the inability to eat
****, the inability to swallow
full of nausea
panicking
i can't do this
if you don't want me anymore

aslan Dec 2019

Untitled

how hard is it going to get before it gets any easier

aslan Dec 2019

Tell me why

Tell me why you're so excited and willing to have a baby with her,
But the thought of raising a child with me disgusts you
Tell me why you open up to her, tell her everything,
But don't even look me in the eyes anymore.
Tell me why I used to see a long and healthy future with you,
But now all I can see is you slow dancing with her at a wedding I didn't show up to, not because it hurt too much but because you can't attend weddings from the grave.

****

aslan Dec 2019

Oh.

I don't miss this feeling.
This feeling when I start searching for
Yet another coping mechanism that won't work.
The feeling where I want to dig the tingling sensation out of my arms, shred them from my flesh.
The same feeling where I can't sleep amd run late for everything.
The same feeling where I can't bring myself to see the point in going on another day.
That ****** feeling of repetition without purpose, of knowing I'm better off dead.
Oh, I really didn't miss this.

:((((