aslan

aslan Jul 2019

fat boy

fat boy sits in the doctor's office / fat boy is scared / fat boy just wants approval to get these stupid things chopped off / fat boy gets denied / fat boy hears "sorry" / "have you been able to exercise more?" / fat boy ***** it up / fat boy says "no, my body hurts too much" / fat boy gets told the same thing over and over and over again / "if you exercise, you'll lose weight and be in less pain" / fat boy leaves the doctor / fat boy gets told by the dietitian that he needs to lose weight / fat boy gets told by his physical therapist to exercise more / fat boy gets put / in a **** wheelchair / fat boy can't take it anymore / nobody will hire fat boy / because who the **** wants a fat boy / as the face of their company / fat boy hates himself / fat boy realizes this is what they want / people want fat boy to be skinny / fat boy decides / it's time to be unapologetically / fat.

aslan Jul 2019

keys

My body falls in step with the waltz
My fingers with the keys on the piano
My pen with every gliding word on paper
My voice with the tempo of the song
My heart with the touch of your lips
My eyes with the pages of books

aslan Jul 2019

return

black paint / gripping hands / drip blood / wrap around my throat / faster / now / take my breath away / quite literally / do it / steal what little i have left / tighter / choking / smiling / i'm home, finally

aslan Jul 2019

why I didn't tell you sooner

tell him / hurry now, child / you can do it / three more steps / clear your throat / be timid / quiet / controlled / say what you need him to hear / he must know / don't back out now / you've spent years agonizing / look him in the eyes / no! / chicken out / yet again / run back to your room / close the door / sob / sink to the ground / the door can't be opened now / reach into your wallet / there it is / shining / pick it up / it's ice ******* cold / the gleam is inviting, though / turn it the right way / glide it across your too-fat arm / it's all going to be quiet soon / it will come to an end / and for your final act / pray

aslan Jul 2019

/loathing/

Bitter, scalding laughs / condescending chuckles / look to the ground / splat! / spit sprays across the sidewalk / angry yells / schoolyard bullies become taunting adults / pricklier than a cactus / cheap gas station coffee / no sugar, no cream / screaming children yanking on jail bars / no fair / needles? get them away / don't let anyone in / don't let anyone see / scrawling / scribble in black in / ruin your favorite notebook / and your mother's walls / your father's tools / don't look back / mania / smirk at their tears / stop! / tie your worn out old shoe / pick up the pace / hurry / faster now / don't give up / do it all in spite / almost there / traffic / busy highway / overpass / turn inwards / see it all / realize it was all about you / jump

aslan Jul 2019

****** tulips

meeting you was cutting our fingers on shards of broken glass, the broken glass my body / and then planting bulbs in the little corner garden at the end of our driveway / meeting you was taking those shards and repairing the figurine of my happiness with superglue / so those shards couldn't fall back off / superglue, a much better alternative to clear tape and bubblegum that finally lost it's flavor / meeting you was plumping lip gloss, taking what was once considered okay and making it beautiful / meeting you was ugly and dazzling and everything in between / meeting you was finding the worth in what we once considered worthless / meeting you was watching those **** bloodied tulips grow to their fullest potential / regardless of how others saw them

aslan Jul 2019

blue

everything is monotone in my eyes
a whole world of just blue tires my eyes
mind
heart
and soul
but blue is all I've ever known
sure, there are different shades
different names
The night sky is navy
the grass is teal
water air-force blue
but
blue is boring
blue is repetitive
blue is everywhere
my dad said once that his whole life was grey
my moms?
nonexistent.